meow (pjsk edition)

the story starts off with toya's classmates telling him a rumor that the arcade he frequents is closing down soon. for some context, during the time when he was heavily rebelling against his father, he spent a lot of time in that arcade as it brought him comfort when he was feeling hurt and angry.

it is important to note down how important this whole thing about arcades is for toya because it will be the focal point for the large part of the story. it is likely an allegory for one of toya's biggest struggles.

skipping ahead, he spots his little baby version running over to him. this baby version says vague things like "finally. i found you", "you're not going 'there again?". he also targets the main big question of the story, and toya's biggest insecurity -- "why do you keep running away?", "why do you keep disappearing?".

noting that this little toya admires the piano with such wide eyes, and still holds on to his innocent childhood dreams, he couldn't fathom why a "certain toya" kept running away (to find out later its to the arcade). he was frankly pissed, yet sad at the same time. he couldn't fathom the concept that he'd abandon music and run away from it -- something that has been his entire world.

we later see little toya's soul "merging" with current toya's, together to confront the "certain toya", which we find out later is "toya" during the time period before akito discovered him and him at his angriest. this "certain toya" refused to go home, telling little toya "i'll only go home if you can beat me in a game"

toya, as he fights with "certain toya", remembers again why he chose to go to the arcade to seek comfort from the noises in his head.

despite being so overwhelmed by the constant piano music in his head that gets worse in quiet places, the noises that constantly reminded toya just how much he's running away and how much of a "failure" he is, his middle school self sought comfort in the chaos of the arcade. perhaps it was the fact it was predictable. the sounds were the same, and no one was there to judge him. it was a place where he could run away from all of his problems, at a price. it was also clear that the more toya ran away from his feelings, the more he felt like "what am i doing with my life?", which made it increasingly unhealthy. for his entire life, music has been the sole thing it revolved around. after all, it was his first love, the first time he felt that pure, innocent sense of awe and wonder for sounds. it was the first time he felt a warmth so great it resounded through his entire body. as such, even when toya ran away from music, music still found a way into his heart as he took it to the streets to sing. because in the end, he loves music. the arcade's noises will never be able to satiate that one desire. it was hard to completely let go of something that colored his world so deeply. as current toya returned, the "certain toya", who recently talked to his dad, asked him if he was ever able to completely resolve all of his problems. as for the response, current toya acknowledged "not all of them", because even as he's found his footing in music elsewhere, sometimes the insecurity and pain that is "running away from classical music" never really went away. sometimes, it still eats toya up when he encounters hurdles that challenge his musical prodigy. sometimes, those desires amplify when he remembers how much he let down those around him before. toya remembers the words and faces of he people he loves the most, and the words his father told him in blender's event story

"music is your pride that should never be lost"

even as his pain sometimes remains, the most important thing to become that musician he dreams of being is to forge a path where he can feel pride and joy in his work. to use the "past" to forge a path to a desired "present", singing his heart out as a reward for his determination.

his last request to his two younger selves, is to never disappear. while vague, it could mean two things. for one, literally, to never disappear from toya's heart, as they were the "toyas" that made the toya that he is today, a strong and resilient music loving boy. for two, to keep holding on to that love and joy for music, to never let that little fire and spark go no matter how close it is to extinguishing.

towards the end, what hit me hardest the most was the overarching theme of the arcade, from toya reflecting on a loss, to confronting the toya who used it to cope (escapism). the rumored loss of the arcade perhaps is a metaphor in a way to say, there comes a time where you have to let go of your escapism. running away from the people who have no idea how you're feeling, who don't know what is going on with you, only leads to you estranging yourself from them and making it harder for yourself to confront your feelings as the pain grows even more. for toya, facing his fears truthfully and authentically, is how he overcame the hardest hurdle — being brave and vulnerable the people you love the most. i think that its such a beautiful story of toya's strength and love to keep on going, knowing that so many people watch over him.

right now, toya has turned a place that was once used to unhealthily cope with his feelings, into a place where he looks forward going with his friends.

the latest card with classical music motifs is here; and its probably the 7th toya card that directly (or indirectly) references his love for music

there could be numerous possibilities for how it'll play out; but personally i'd want toya to focus on the little toya who looked up at the piano with such joy and life in his eyes, yet he can't help but wonder if he'd ever become the musician he'd always dreamed about. chasing those dreams with so much innocence not knowing how much those expectations he placed on himself crushed him when he grew older, how would the current toya break to this wide eyed pure little boy that he once almost gave up and ran away from music as a whole?

but also to tell this little boy that the most important thing to become that very musician he dreams of being is to forge a path where he can feel pride and joy in his work. telling him the words his father told him about pride, and the vast world of music. regardless of where that little boy chooses to go, wherever he goes, music will always follow. alternatively, that same little boy looking at current toya could also be mad at him. "why did you stop classical music?", "you imposter", "do you even still love music" -- those angry questions are the same questions that toya struggled with, and sometimes still struggles with, especially when he faces challenges that put his musical prodigy to test. classical music, regardless of where toya is, is still his first introduction to music. it is perhaps why toya would still look at his younger self with so much warmth even if that little boy was absolutely pissed. i think that this story would also be about that security in his "two halves" i love that the background for his bloomfes is a lot more abstract than the other cards that reference classical music. i think it is a representation of his growth as a musician and as a person. music for toya stopped being fixed categories and genres that define his sound. rather, music for toya now is a compilation and blend of all his experiences, emotions, passion and sounds in his daily life. whatever sound that leaves his computer, is something so uniquely toya. the genre will be whatever you feel the background is full of things that toya imagines and envisions when he thinks of music -- the flowers, the instruments, the colors, the textures. and i think the fact it is so abstract and artistic looking is a representation of what toya has always dreamt of when he first fell in love with music as a young boy. he also has such an angelic and delicate expression, with the overall colors blending with the background, almost like he's one with the music.

Died 2024 born 2025/6

Welcome back airi lim spam

i better speedrun that essay now sorry guys

resobeats swap 💽💫

Referring to path of thorns/wounded hands and time to take off. Mizuki getting outed only involved them referring to her as amab in path of thorns and then avoiding calling her a trans woman in wounded hands and cutting to black whenever it needs to be said. From then on they still keep it very vague and this year's valentines event had her as the 5th card on an all-boys event despite male VS being an option, which lots of people took as confirmation that she's just a crossdressing guy. Ensekai still uses they/them or more often nothing at all under orders from clpl. All that build up for ultimately no real confirmation other than 'vaguely queer'. You can find a lot of post on my blog of me going into this in more detail.

the reason why i always draw middle school akito with this specific hoodie is because of lore reasons (this is the part where you gasp). he was wearing this exact hoodie when he met toya, so that's why he says it's for good luck. even after getting told time and time again that he needs to wear his uniform properly, he still wears it to school.

so, he is not 100% lying but also he's not 100% telling the truth. tsundere boy.

later he stops wearing it after... you know... and eventually forgets about it (also he grows out of it! what are they feeding this guy!)

some other details i want to mention since we are on the clothing topic:

toya usually wears his shirt collar and tie properly, but it kinda pisses akito off because "we are street singers, not salarymen" so, when he remembers this almost joke they have, he un-fixes it. toya has never complained about it.

akito's gakuran is missing one button, and coincidentially ken only noticed this after bad dogs was formed. to this day he keeps getting teased about giving toya the button too soon, at least in ken's words.

toya's purple jacket on his 1st unit outfit was a gift from akito when he realized their clothing styles clashed a lot and wouldn't look good on stage.