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“You are not Naomi Campbell. More like Naomi Shambles.”

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“Even if the COVID vaccine actually contained microchips I wouldn’t care. The government knows me every way except biblically at this point.”

- yeah I said it

#yeah I said it #but just so we’re clear the microchip thing is merely a conspiracy theory

toumeina-yami

instead of actual sirens/horns, ambulances should just blast “move b*tch get out the way”

“Goofiness keeps you young! Why pay for anti-aging cream when you can just be silly for free?”

Yours Truly

#inner child #kiddo at heart

Check yourself before you wreck others.

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greelin

$50,000 immediately dropped into my bank account wouldn't improve EVERYTHING but boy it sure would be a grand, sexy little start to a good, happy life path, don't you think

meilintheempressofdreams

Reblog for unexpected $$$ dropping into your Bank account.

#Do I believe this?#not sure #but couldn’t hurt

“Girl no...that ship sailed, hit an iceberg, and then it sank.”

(I might’ve said this 🤣)

Watermelon is the lettuce of fruit.

Yours Truly

#It’s literally all water #I hate it

“Complaining is a rejection of God’s sovereignty.”

tfw you think of something so funny you send yourself

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Floating Cocaine

#awesome band names

*accidentally sends a text with a period at the end*

Me: Oh geez, I hope they don’t think I’m mad at them.....

Existential Panic

#awesome band names

Metaphoric Deluge

#awesome band names

Psychiatrist, asking patient about hallucinations: Are you seeing things that I can’t see?

Patient: The big picture.

#overheard on psych

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Crying is my favorite pastime.

#words with church friends

So sweat. Many dance. Much sore.

My 6-word review of the Shaun T dance workout programs I’ve done so far

#beachbody #shaun t #dance workouts #not doing insanity because my knees would explode probably #yes i still speak doge

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