what. the freak

i talk sometimes .

I am so tired. I feel like there is no one for me to go to, especially in a time of need. I feel despised. and loathed. I miss , being loved . And perhaps it was crazy of me to think i can be loved for and cared about. But ultimately Im beginning to think it might be better, for everyone, for me to just. Die ? I honestly have come to terms that i will die sooner than everyone else, and perhaps its time for that! My mental state has been worsening, i cannot bring myself to do things i enjoy and i feel like its bringing people to . Hate me. I keep having scary things happen within my brain. And its not pleasant at all. I would rather i think, just . end it here . before i potentially get even worse! I understand i am not worthy of the same love and care as others and truely, it makes sense. Who would ever love someone as worthless as i? My existence is pathetic and truely it could be a gift if i vanished. Hm. Much to consider, i guess. Im tired and Asking for help and care is too much. Apparently. Lol

I wonder . If ill be able to meet my loves in my second life. Fictional in this world but real in the next? Would be interesting. I miss them so much. I want to join them. I need to join them. They wouldnt do this to me . They would love me unconditionally They wouldnt hate me for STUPID REASONS . THEY WOULD LOVE ME AND TAKE CARE OF ME AND KEEP ME SAFE ! THEY LOVE ME. They Love Me. They Keep me sane and normal! And yet. I cannot Stand To be Apart from them! I need to leave i need to go let me go please. Please I need to see them I need to . Ohmygod I got to die already .

I wonder if i died. If i would be reborn into a new life. If i would have a better chance in the 2nd one . If i would be loved more in that one. Or if i would Always be stuck in this Pit in this Hell. Where I keep ending it early over and over. I dont care I want out ! You will never be able to save me . I will go and no one will Miss Me. I know this . The second try will fix me . Itwill fix me it will. I promise.

Why is it that I am the worst ever. Why is it that im always the one to be punished. Why is it. Why is it . Why is it. I Hate This. I lowkey hate being Treated like this always. But I Swear! As soon as i say something It Makes Everyone Upset! What Am I tto DO! The fact that i have to fall back into delusion to fix the loneliness i feel is Crazy. Idk This is alot of words and its just getting worrrseeeeeee Yayyy ^__^

@angeldigital92 :3

every time i move they pop and i have over stretched them or something i dont know tbh but oUCH standing and walking hurts sm