Rowannnnnnn is heeeere

This man's brain is probably fried from all the fiery neurons tripping and shooting in his skull. He is almost always worried about 7 different things between the Justice League, Wayne Enterprises, and his relatively explosive kids

Then Hal comes along — Hal who is a senior green lantern and JL founder who also happens to be a family guy that's good at handling kids.

So when Hal is around?

Nope. Brain down. No more thoughts being thunk.

Bruce will make doe eyes at Hal to make him tea. He'd kiss his way into getting Hal to get him extra pillows or start the fireplace for him or take a bath with him. That man is getting PAMPERED pampered by his pet pretty boy hunk who does all the work for him

If Bruce needs to go somewhere. He's going there with no map, every shade in the world protecting him from the sun, and every pedestrian crossing on time, and he doesn't need to look up from his phone

(cut to Hal arguing with google maps, actively shielding Bruce with trees and umbrellas, and Hal having to grab Bruce from walking into a freeway)

Hal: You're one of the smartest member of the founding fold!

Bruce, in the passenger seat, napping with 3 airconditioners forced by Hal in his direction, in a thick blanket and fuzzy socks: Yeah? And I married the second smartest member. Now chop chop, fly boy, I want Bat Burger

It does help with Brucie Wayne's airhead persona, with people gushing that "Brucie Wayne's partner is such a gentleman!! 🥹 Brucie needs it, poor boy has only got 3 braincells to his name 😭😞"

And Hal will not complain, not really. He'd make a joke about how Bruce is acting counter to his better reputation, but his expression softens when Bruce groans to him about wanting a sandwhich or asks if he can dry his hair for him

Batlantern but Hal doesn't let Bruce operate new planes he modded for JL or Bat operations until he's warmed its engine — (he thinks about Martin the whole time he's doing that test run)

Batlantern but Hal put Bruce and the kids on a mental health plan in the case of his untimely death in every one of his convoluted insurances — (if he closes his eyes, he'll hear Jessica's sobbing)

let me know what your favorites are!!! im curious!!

movies 𑣲⋆｡˚

Hotel Transylvania (PG)

Wreck It Ralph (PG)

The Little Vampire (2000 & 2017, PG)

Big Hero Six (PG)

The Princess Bride (PG)

Hocus Pocus (PG)

Barbie: Princess and the Pauper (PG)

Lilo and Stitch (PG)

tv 𑣲⋆｡˚ (yall r gonna flame me for this first one...lol)

Futurama (TV-14)

The Goodnight Show (TV-Y)

Lucky Star (TV-14)

Lego Ninjago (TV-Y7)

Hilda (TV-Y7)

Gravity Falls (TV-Y7)

The Amazing World of Gumball (TV-Y7)

Steven Universe (TV-PG)

Youtubers/Streamers 𑣲⋆｡˚

LDShadowlady

Grian

Goodtimeswithscar

Kubzscouts (specifically the old yansim videos...rip)

Game Theory

Dollightful

Jaiden Animations

Alpharad

books/manga/comics 𑣲⋆｡˚

anything PJO

Witch Hat Atelier

Alice in Wonderland

Goodnight Moon

The Hungry Hungry Caterpillar

Neighbour: That little slugger you got there is really something.

Pa Kent: Yeah, he's a cutie.

Neighbour: Takes after your boy, I was just telling the wife that the kid is literally the spitting image of Clark at that age.

Pa Kent: Well actually -

Clark: *bending down to high five Dick for hitting a home run*

Pa Kent, squinting: You don't say.

Barry: I don't know, it has to be some sort of Kryptonian magic biology or some weird tech but Robin is clearly-

Oliver: Oh, come on, Allen, that's not-

Clark, walking into the room sith Dick sat on his shoulders: You just worry too much, Bruce.

Bruce: I just don't consider Funions as a health snack for a growing boy.

Clark: Nag, nag, nag, am I right, Dick?

Dick: *giggling*

Olivier: Yeah... I get what you mean, Kent totally put that bun in that oven.

Alfred, on the phone: The little fella has chicken pox but there's no need to worry Mrs Kent. He should be right as rain in a few days.

Ma Kent: It's so odd, Clark was never sick as a child.

Alfred: Not to dismiss you, Mrs Kent but what does Master Kent's medical history have to do with Master Dick?

Ma Kent: Well, he's his son for a start.

Alfred:

Ma Kent:

Alfred: oh my god I thought it was just me.

Ma Kent: I'm sure Clark and Bruce will admit it soon, they're just taking their time. But it's obvious.

Alfred: Of course, Dick is the literal image of Master Bruce at that age.

If Bruce will agree one day, Hal will blame it entirely on Arthur forcing him to watch animal documentaries with him.

If it ends up not being stupid at all, then Hal is taking all the credit.

He knows, logically, bringing home weird rocks from outer space has to be a recipe for disaster at some point.

Specifically: bringing weird space rocks to Gotham, of all places, full of freaks who might do something awful with outer space material.

But Bruce smiles so cutely when Hal offers him a "souveniers" from extended missions.

Single dad Bruce Wayne surrounded by his precious babies, who are all worried because last Parent-Teacher Conference, he was the only daddy without another daddy or a mommy with him!!

Bruce is trying to calm his wailing children, "Oh loves, being a single parent is fine! Unconventional but fine! I'm happy and I love you all enough for two!"

But they're not having this!! That's not fair!! Their dad is so nice and pretty, he deserves to have MANY mommies and daddies with him!! No, he should have ONE REALLY GOOD, REALLY BEST MOMMY OR DADDY WITH HIM!!

So they ask Bruce what kind of other daddy ("A husband!" Jason corrected) or a mommy ("That's called a wife!" Dick said) he would like to have

And Bruce, realizing that fighting his kids is something he simply doesn't want to do, so he tries to placate them

"Well.... I always liked someone who is good with numbers. A-And someone who's good at taking charge. I love it when someone has good hair and a biting sense of humor, and is family-oriented 😊"

Bruce thought dignifying his children with a response would be the last time he even has to think about the wifeless/husbandless existence he's living

.

.

.

Then a week later, Bruce has to watch his kids come home to his porch holding one very confused looking Hal Jordan

"Dad, look! We got you a husband!" Jason cheered, pushing Hal to Bruce.

"I checked his bank statements and his police record! He's a-okay, Daddy!" Tim added on with the sweetest smile a 7 year old can have.

"And he smells nice, like hot chocolate brownies, my favorite," Cass said, currently in Hal's arms and nuzzling her face on his neck, "He has really soft hair too."

"And I checked his social media on the way here! He's single! The kids on his accounts are his brothers' kids!" Duke said, holding Hal's hand, "Isn't that right, Mr. New Dad?"

Hal chuckles nervously, "I swear, they said they were lost in the city, Mr. Wayne.

Bruce looked at his eldest in horror.

"It was that or we went to England to find what a 'distinguished gentleman' was supposed to be, or whatever it is that Alfred wanted for you," Dick shrugged, not looking up from his phone showing the map home, meaning they were very much not lost.

Before Bruce can find his bearings, they start to usher Hal into the house

"Okay new dad, you can sleep in our daddy's room!"

Hal, who is too nice and a bit of a sucker for cute kids, follows happily.

It takes Bruce 10 seconds to process that there is a stranger in his home

.

.

.

After all children were put into their respective time out corners, Bruce is finally ready to face the poor soul his children abducted.

"Okay, finally. Mr. Jordan, I'd like to apologize for—"

Bruce stopped.

Currently there's a 6"4 muscular man on his floor playing with toddler Damian and letting him touch his face. Hal is blowing raspberries into the baby's palms and answering his babbles with full sentences.

"Oh, Mr. Wayne! Are the kids all packed away?" Hal asked, hands still stuffed in animal puppets that Damian is giggling at.

...

Well...

"Well, Mr. Dad says—"

Next day, it's everywhere. The media is eating it up. Everyone is wondering whether it was a special nickname, whether it was a tell of Duke's less-than-good time as a foster child of the Wayne Family, or just a case of brain fog

Except Bruce is elated

He too is eating it up. He is Dick's B, Jay's Pops, Tim and Cass' Dad (they are a twin set), Damian's Baba.... now, he's Duke's Mr. Dad. It's his instagram descriptor now. He is telling the press "Please, Mr. Wayne was my father....call me Mr. Duke's Dad!"

His PR team only sent one exasperated email: "Why"

i HATE self-censorship for a lot of reasons, but being in crisis work makes it even more frustrating. who are you censoring for? like i am being so fr, WHO are you censoring for? have you even thought it through? people who have been raped know that they have been raped. if someone attempts suicide or is grieving someone who did, saying "sewer slide" isn't going to protect them from any of the feelings. a murder victim's family isn't going to feel better bc you said "unalived" instead of murdered. if anything, it's just extremely invalidating and othering. it's saying "what happened to you is so bad that i won't even say the word," which is NOT trauma-informed care. you are not protecting survivors/victims when you self-censor. the ONLY things you protect when you self-censor are the puritanical ideologies that are being encouraged by rich fascists who want your money and obedience

Clark: This is so irresponsible, Tim. Not only did you not know what you were creating when you mixed your DNA with Kon’s but considering the history, with how Kon came to be? Do you think he would want this? Besides, you’re just a kid. You’re not ready to be a father, let alone to a baby that is a quarter Kryptonian.

Tim:

Clark: Bruce, back me up here.

Bruce, with the baby in his arms: What is his name?

Tim:

Clark:

Tim: I haven’t really gotten that far, B.

Bruce, with the most content, happy smile as he cooes down at the baby: We will have to come up with one. And I’ll have Alfred add some formula to the list. We’re going to need to get everything ready because this little guy is coming home with me.

Clark: Bruce-

Hal on his last straw : Oh my god! Can you stop that?! That's super annoying! How would you feel if I banged you repeatedly on the table?

Bruce : Better than now actually.

Hal : What?

Bruce : What?

Oliver : What.

Barry : What?!

Diana : He said "better than now actually".

Clark : Diana!

Diana : What? They asked.

Hal : I heard the first time I just- wait where is Bruce?

Dinah : He ran away in the confusion.

Hal : Oh no he won't. BRUCE COME BACK HERE LET'S TALK!

*He runs off after Bruce*

Dinah : This is going to be interesting.

Oliver: This is going to be disgusting!

J'onn : Well, this was a productive meeting.