“You’re All horrible”

STAFF: 

“Where the hell is Rozanov?” 

HOLLANDER: 

“I don’t know. We, uh,  don’t exactly talk much.” 

ROZANOV:

“Looking for me?” 

HOLLANDER: 

“Fuck, Rozanov. What the fuck? We’re on in like five fucking seconds.” 

ROZANOV:

“Fifty seconds. We are fine.” 

HOLLANDER: 

“Does it matter to you that everyone backstage has been having a heart attack looking for you?” 

ROZANOV:

“Not really.” 

HOLLANDER: 

“Where were you anyway?” 

ROZANOV:

“Busy.”

HOLLANDER: 

“Oh yeah? With who?” 

ROZANOV:

“We’re on.”

*they present award.

Rozanov: 

*sigh, *laugh

“Well?” 

`Hollander: 

“What? What the fuck do you want, Rozanov? You haven’t answered a text from me in, like, 6 months. You won’t even acknowledge I exist unless there’s a fucking camera pointed at us, and then it’s for some fucking clown show. So yeah, what the fuck do you actually want from me?” 

“Well?” 

Rozanov: 

“I want you to suck my dick.” 

Hollander: 

“Oh, fuck you! You are unbelievable. You suck my dick!”

*white noise (sound of Ilya walking over and grabbing Shane’s jaw.) 

Rozanov: 

“Maybe ask nicely.”

Hollander: 

“Hmm… (groan) please?” 

Rozanov: 

“If you want me to get on my knees on this filthy bathroom floor and suck your dick, you will have to ask nicer than that.” 

Hollander: 

“Please get on your knees, on this filthy bathroom floor, and suck my dick. Please.” 

Rozanov: 

“No.”

Hollander: 

What? 

Rozanov: 

No. We will go back to our seats, watch the rest of this boring show, and then go to boring party after. And then, when you have been waiting all night, you’ll come back to my hotel room and I will maybe, maybe do more than just suck your dick.” 

Hollander: 

“When did your English get so good?” 

Rozanov: 

“I, uh, I read the New Yorker now.” 

Hollander: 

“Really?” 

Rozanov: 

“No, the New Yorker is boring.” 

Hollander: 

“My dad loves it.” 

Rozanov: 

“Ah, so being boring is genetic?”  

Hollander: 

“Wow, genetic.” 

Rozanov: 

“Then let's make a deal. If you win MVP tonight, I will blow you, fuck you, whatever you want.” 

Hollander: 

“And if you win?” 

*sound of them making out, then Ilya lightly tapping Shane’s face with his palm. 

Rozanov: