you open your eyes. you feel so groggy, you don’t know what time it is, but you’re so warm. you close your eyes, hoping to fall back asleep, but feel like something is off. it’s warm, yes, but unusually so. surely your blankets aren’t thick enough to keep you this warm? in the middle of winter no less? then you remember this isn’t your bed. it’s your big sister’s. and she has you trapped in her very, very warm arms. a consequence of a late night mental breakdown resulting in you tearfully asking your sister for comfort. you remember the shame. you just feel like she’s so much better than you, unworthy of caring about someone as low as you. but that feeling isn’t rooted in reality. in fact, it’s quite the opposite - she can’t get enough of you, ever since you started transitioning. your pre transition inferiority complex seems incredibly stubborn despite her accepting you as her darling little sister. so much so, that she has no problem falling asleep with you in her arms, protecting you. you want to return this sisterly love to her somehow, but you never know how. it’s hard to see a part of you worthy of giving to her. you take her hand as she sleeps soundly against you. it’s one of your favorite feelings in recent memory. her skin is soft, still smelling like lotion she put on last night. she mumbled something in her sleep as you touch her hand. you didn’t really understand what she said, if she meant to say anything at all. she holds your hand tighter, though. and shifts closer, wrapping her arms further around you. her lips are near your ear now. you can feel the slight in and out of her breathing. god, she’s so cute. you’re so grateful for her. you try to focus away from her, to hopefully fall back asleep, but she starts up again, stealing your attention. some more mumbling, this time your name, followed by some…gibberish? she repeats herself a little more clearly, but still obviously asleep.
you feel her lips lower into your neck, staying there for a little bit. you can’t help but feel goosebumps, blushing in the process. you try to remind yourself it’s your sister, but any girl kissing your neck so softly would cause you to react the same way. soon enough, you feel her lips lift up. you think she’s still asleep, but she speaks more lucidly and clearly.
“can you turn towards me?”
apparently she’s wide awake…or awake enough. and she seems to want to talk in the middle of the night…?
you turn over, facing her. you can’t make out much of her face in the dark, but you’re pretty sure she’s staring at you. she caresses your cheek. you blush a little. then, she starts.
“i really do love you, you know.”
you get even more flustered. you wish you could give back to her.
what? what went wrong? did you say it too boyishly? you wrack your brain for an answer as best you can in your sleepy, embarrassed state, but your sister continues.
“i really, really love you, like, like, um. like this.”
then you feel her face get close, and that feeling of her lips returns. but now, they’re on yours. kissing you. her hand finds its way to yours, grasping quickly and tightly. she doesn’t want you to try and escape this surprising moment just yet. she wants you to experience it in full. she wants you to know just how much she loves you.
eventually, her lips quickly retreat, and she almost immediately tries to justify and apologize for it.
“i’m- i’m sorry, i should’ve asked before doing something gross like that, i just…i have a crush on you. i’m so sorry.”
your throat tightens, your heart skips a beat. you? of all people? the weird trans girl? not another attractive cis girl, or a hunk of a guy? the sibling part doesn’t really register with your non existent self esteem stealing all your attention.
“if you don’t wanna do stuff like this anymore, or even ghost me i,,i get it, i just had to get it out of my head, i don’t think i could take-“
“i- i can’t believe anyone would like me that way. i’m glad it’s you.”
you get nervous saying that last part, the embarrassment pulling your gaze away. a smile forces its way onto your face. the idea of your sister as your girlfriend- a small part feels the same grossness she does, but it just feels so right in your head.
she leans in for another kiss, this time less forceful, more gentle, like she always is with you. when it’s over, she pulls you back into an embrace, seemingly ready to go back to bed, placing her head on top of yours.
“i love you so much. you’re my sweet baby sis, even when you don’t feel like it that much, okay?”
she kisses the top of your head.
