Tomorrow

This is a very special episode we have here, very special, everyone agrees. Josh, who's really quite a guy, sat down with the show's producer, great comedian and a huge writer, Ryan Houlihan – who's just one of the top people, just a top guy – to discuss last night's debate between Crooked Hillary and The King of Debt: Donald Trump. It's really extensive, totally, believe me.

Dear Reader, I write you from the future. A future where Episode 70 is hailed as a prescient and important document that refocused our society's priorities. Josh sat down with Adrianne Jeffries, a senior editor at The Outline and former editor and reporter for Motherboard and The Verge, and what happened changed history forever.

Do you know how insignificant your silly phone updates are to us, your children's children's children? They aren't even a blip in our history books! You're impressed by Twitter and messaging stickers when somewhere in the world people are perfecting gene editing techniques? Preposterous!

Okay, this might sound insane but hear us out: Have you heard about Paul Ford? The reptilian overlord who carries out false flag operations against Hillary Clinton's body double?

This week Josh, noted Zionist shill, sits down with the mysterious figure to discuss the seltzer controversy, the internet's notorious egg people, and where all the toothpaste is coming from.

Yo bae, are you down with Jesse? Yasssssss kween you luv his hot takes on the squad! Fleek!

Just kidding, Jesse Cohen, member of the band Tanlines and host of the music podcast No Effects, is here to talk to Josh about knowing his place in the commentary on youth culture, his experience with babies, his beliefs about streaming media, and what he thinks about the VMAs.

Have you seen the musical Cats? Neither has Josh – but Aaron Edwards, a senior editor at The Outline, has a plan to ensure he enjoys every moment of those "jellicle cats."

What kind of cat is a "jellicle cat," you ask? Well, first: A jellicle cat would listen to Josh and Aaron talk about their family histories. Second: A jellicle cat would never, ever rush through Frank Ocean's new album... it would know that it is to be savored. And third: A jellicle cat would be happy for the Rio Olympians, but would not sit down and watch a lot of the games. That's what a "pollicle dog" would do.

Do you like smart, funny, driven women? Do you want to know the secrets of success? Do you want insight into one of the internet's most dynamic minds? Do you wonder about the markup on wooden toys?

Gawker writer and member of the LIBERAL MEDIA Ashley Feinberg is here to tell Josh all about the stories she's twisted about me, Donald Trump. Pathetic!

She thinks she has some hilarious insights into my personality because of some anecdotes about my fear of needles and lies about the state of my hair? Sad! I've got the best hair, ask my friends – of all races!

I've been pulling in RECORD RATINGS – everybody agrees, believe me – meanwhile she's spouting off about Ted Cruz's soup collection and Jeb Bush's weird clothing? As if! Really nasty stuff, truly.

From: Tomorrow Podcast Sent: Tuesday, July 26th 2016 To: Loyal Listeners Subject: Sam Biddle, Reporter at The Intercept

Getting intel that Sam Biddle and Joshua Topolsky discuss the DNC Leaks, the influence of money on politics, Superman, and bad comedy. Sam is apparently as hilarious, informed, and charming a guest as always – but word on the street is that Episode 63 is a must listen. Please CC all parties this may concern.

COME ON DOWN TO EPISODE 62, IT'S LIT!

Josh is hosting the hottest event of the year, with the hottest guest: Mike Drucker – podcaster, stand up, and writer for The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.

We're planning a rager with all your favorite podcast topics, such as: -Clubbing for profit -Japanese video games -The level of nerdiness we can each get away with -The hottest Thank You notes on TV -Terminator Genisys -Freedom Fries -Neil Gaiman

(Tomorrow News) – Unnamed sources in New York tell us that JOSHUA TOPOLSKY and CNN political commentator and writer SALLY KOHN sat down to discuss the horrible events this week.

Reports are coming in that they attempt to grapple with the political and social realities America is facing, reflect on the issues the white community needs to own up to, and try and sort out exactly who's facing the worst abuse on Twitter.

Though there's no way they could solve any of this themselves, we're hearing that they came to some pretty enlightening conclusions and simply hope to have started a dialogue on where we need to go. We'll update you on the situations as Episode 61 unfolds.

The podcast is coming from inside the smartphone – and it's a ghost. Or a zombie. Or an alien. Or... oh, it doesn't matter. As Josh and comedian/writer Halle Kiefer discover this episode: Only John Carpenter makes a solid horror movie.

They also touch on TV set in Los Angeles, explore the Lifetime film canon, and diminish the importance of Improv as an art form. Before the show's over, you'll know quite a bit about about how to impersonate Aziz Ansari, how to steal Jennie Garth's hair, and, of course, how to fake your way into a consulting job.

The secrets of the cosmos are contained in Episode 60. And they'll horrify you.

Oh Britain, what have you done? No, seriously, what have you done...? Because not only does this "Brexit" stuff not make any political sense, but your friends across the pond are still a bit fuzzy on the details.

To get to the bottom of all this, Josh enlisted Felix Salmon, one of the UK's finest, host of Slate's Money podcast, and a Senior Editor at Fusion, to explain all of this to us as best he can. Why would anyone do this? Why was any of this even on the table? Is this whole thing legally binding? Will Scotland and Northern Ireland leave the UK in the dust? Can Americans finally feel superior to the Brits for the first time in decades?

In Episode 59, Felix helps us find as many answers as any person can on this sloppy, sloppy planet.

Hello, and welcome to this one in a million content opportunity! Do you like comedy? Do you like music? Do you like making money? Then boy, hold on to your seats!

Media maverick Joshua Topolsky and some guy named Ryan Houlihan have an innovation that's disrupting the micro-transaction sponsored content landscape of media growth as you know it! Join them as they dive into a discussion of bad sitcoms, identity humor, and the 80's, 90's, and today.

All you need to do is listen to this podcast, pass it along to 5 friends, and have them pass it along to five friends... simple as that! Before you know it, Josh is rich, Ryan might also be, and you have a shot at some door prizes. Your Tomorrow is bright, so jump right into Episode 58.

This episode is an (allegedly) amazing discussion between Josh and associate editor at Vulture E. Alex Jung. It's (reportedly) all about representation in media – or the lack thereof.

They (may or may not) talk about where you can find asian people on TV, why more and more online publications are scared to publish controversial opinions, and America's festering prejudices. (We cannot confirm or deny that) they diddle around topics like who in Hollywood might be using their powers for evil, or how exactly those people could silence their critics.

Legally speaking, there's no way to know if any of this is true or not without listening to Episode 57 yourself.

Dearest Podcast Listener,

We cordially invite you to a discussion between media power couple Joshua “I-ironically-pretend-to-enjoy-things-I-later-earnestly-like” Topolsky and the esteemed writer, editor, and author Laura “Zelda keeps breaking my pens” June.

To stimulate your mind, the two shall hash out the issues swirling around the media’s coverage of Brock “White Privilege” Turner. They also plan a sweeping discussion of what Hillary “Democratic Nominee” Clinton’s campaign means for the future of the presidency and our society, following Mrs. Clinton’s presumptive defeat of Bernard “Jerome Antonius Jeffrey Bernie NoMiddleName Dorothy Dot” Sanders.

If time allows, the pair will also perform a ceremonial evisceration of Donald “I’m a racist!” Trump.

Please RSVP at your earliest convenience, as space is limited for the once-in-a-lifetime event known as “Episode 56.”

On this episode you will hear Josh and Managing Editor of Bloomberg Digital Michael Shane: -Find out the meaning of Memorial Day -Talk through the lifecycle of a modern newsroom -Discuss how Peter Thiel plans to shut you up -Reminisce about Starship Troopers -Complain about Apple's clunky interfaces -Discover how boring superhero movies are now -End on a positive note

It's the year 2019...