padded room

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Lost (TV 2004) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James “Sawyer” Ford/Sayid Jarrah Characters: James “Sawyer” Ford, Sayid Jarrah, Kate Austen Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Morning After, Denial, Masochism, Masturbation, Internalized Homophobia, Sexual Tension, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Hangover, Sawyer is pathetic, Past Dubious Consent, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags May Change, Tags Are Hard, Consensual but Not Safe or Sane, Additional Warnings in Author’s Note, Not Beta Read Series: Part 2 of Misery Loves Company Summary:

“Whatever had transpired the night prior, it wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t drunk through more than half his stash of booze. Sawyer was certain of it. There was no way it would have happened. What kind of fool would let himself… let another man do that to him? It’s made all the worse by the fact that he’d wanted it- and still want it, a horrible little voice in the back of his mind whispered. Reckoning with it would be easier if he hadn’t wanted it so damn bad, as fucked up as that sounded. ”

Or;

⟢ "I know you don't feel it. I've known for a long time. I just haven't figured out how to stop yet."

⟢ "You talk about her and your whole face changes and I have to just sit there and watch that happen."

⟢ "I keep showing up because some part of me thinks if I'm just there enough, present enough, good enough — and I know. I know how that sounds."

⟢ "I'm not waiting for you. I'm just not moving on yet. There's a difference I keep telling myself."

⟢ "You hug me the same way you hug everyone and I have to remind myself of that every single time."

⟢ "I know every little thing about you and you don't even know my favorite color and I let that happen. I did that to myself."

⟢ "I don't want to ruin what we have. What you have. What I have is something else entirely."

⟢ "You called me your best friend and I smiled and said yeah and went home and sat in my car for forty minutes."

⟢ "I think what kills me most is that you're not even doing anything wrong."

⟢ "I've talked myself out of telling you so many times I've lost count. Tonight almost wasn't one of them."

⟢ "You looked at me once — really looked — and I built an entire future out of three seconds. I know. I know."

⟢ "I'm happy for you. Genuinely, actually, from the bottom of this stupid inconvenient heart, happy for you."

⟢ "I keep thinking I'll get over it. Six months ago I thought I was over it. Here we are."

⟢ "You deserve someone who loves you like this. I just wish it could've been me."

⟢ "I'm going to tell you and it's going to change everything and I've decided I'd rather have the truth than keep protecting a version of us that only exists for me."

⟢ "Don't be kind about it. I can't handle you being kind about it."

⟢ "I think I fell in love with the way you made me feel about myself. That's a complicated thing to grieve."

⟢ "You're not mine and you were never going to be mine and I think some part of me knew that from the beginning."

⟢ "I loved you quietly for so long it started to feel like a personality trait."

⟢ "I'm stepping back. Not because I want to. Because I have to start wanting things that are actually possible."

⟢ "The worst part isn't loving you. The worst part is how easy it is. How completely natural and effortless and pointless."

⟢ "I hope one day someone loves you the way I did. I hope you notice it that time."

⟢ "I'm letting it go now. I'm putting it down. I'm going to keep telling myself that until it's true."

⟢ "You'll never know. I think that's the kindest thing I've ever done for either of us."

sometimes I’m reminded that there are still people who don’t know ao3 was literally created by incest shippers — and the site’s sole purpose is to 1. be completely against censorship and 2. host all kinds of dark, taboo fics that are banned on other platforms — and the first ever fic that was posted on ao3 was a fic about an incest ship from supernatural.

you are in the house that was created by freaks. for freaks (affectionate). every disgusting thing you can think of is rightfully allowed and welcomed on ao3, because they are exactly the reasons why ao3 was created in the first place.

ao3 was created because its creators got tired of censorship, they got tired of dark and taboo fics getting banned on pro-censorship platforms, and they wanted a place that was safe for ALL FICS THAT WERE DARK AND TABOO.

ao3’s main principle is being against censorship and being proship / profic.

there are some things in fiction that make me uncomfortable, but instead of shaming people who are just minding their own business and not harming anyone in real life, I choose to curate my own internet experience by blocking/muting what I don’t want to see. ao3 has excellent tagging system, so instead of being a bitch, use their tagging system properly and you won’t see the things you don’t want to see.

it’s your job to curate what you see. it’s not other people’s jobs or responsibilities to censor themselves for your personal comfort. the world does not revolve around you.

also you cannot censor “only the things you personally hate” without expecting everything else, that isn’t of conservative beliefs, to be censored too. because censorship is a slippery slope and a fascist tool. I promise you there are people who think “why do tags for queer love even exist on ao3? they’re grooming children”.

if you allow the things that you hate to be censored — because someone with enough power gets to control what other people can and cannot create/consume, it will not stop at the things that you hate.

clock out at midnight: wow i can’t wait to go home and write fanfic

on bus #1: wow i can’t wait to get home and write fanfic

at the bus stop: wow i can’t wait to get home and write fanfic

on bus #2: wow i can’t wait to get home and write fanfic

walking home from the bus stop: wow i can’t wait to get home and write fanfic