i have the right to block anyone who makes me uncomfortable
🖇️ all my socials, full dni, and boundaries + triggers are on my strawpage!
🔄 i primarily reblog through @dewa-rebog, though occasionally shit i find funny goes here. sometimes on accident lol
🤲 i am the host of the @thesistarsystem! daily blogging with my systemmates ^_^
🖌️ my iterator oc au webcomic Bots Will Be Bugs, Right?, where they experience the ecosystem as itterbeast hybrids and duke it out!!
⚠️my work can contain: blood, gore, eyestrain, & eye contact
i will try my best to individually tag!
all of my blogs are NSFW-free!
💖 i create art as my primary coping method, to share my love for the world, and to have a conversation!
(link to post)
🔅general tags
✏️ #pen&pencilparade — traditional art
💾 #digitaldepictions — digital art
🎞️ #awesomeanimating — animation raw and ripe
🖼️ #gloriousgallery — fanart???
📝 #wordwandering — my yappin
💬 #letters2&fro — all my asks and reblog convo threads
📚stories
#iambicpentameter — rw iterator x cccc hms emotionally-driven metaphorical imagery storytelling project
#cccclinic — cccc hmsw meets medical horror as whole recuperates to life again after a coma
#ccccycles — cccc hms timeloop into different physical body horror bodies every time a fight ends bloodily
🎨i love drawing:
rain world
my ocs
metaphorical imagery and storytelling
experimental color and collage compositions
hyperfixations
📝i love writing about…
mental illness and disability
PAIN AND PANIC
ANGST, often orbiting intentional and accidental misunderstandings
metaphorical narratives and imagery
disassociation, depersonalization, delusion, and unreality
blood and body horror
facets of the self and how they effect intrapersonal & interpersonal relationships
the relationship between the body and breathing
PLATONIC AND SELF LOVE!!
underwater environments
lyrical references
i consider all themes a primary part of my work!
⭐️things that inspire me:
my friends
my fictives
character roleplay
unedited blurry photography
summer aesthetic/eyecatching palettes
deep and meaningful connections (metaphors, talking about ocs, friendship :], collaborative oc lore)
explorable environments (in worldbuilding or as unorthodox locations irl)
🤘extra facts:
i love watching college shortfilms whenever the annual deadlines occur
a part of my artstyle was influenced by my goal of digital stickermaking
i was an official member of the cloud appreciation society for a year (it’s just cloud people facebook so…alas…)
i’ve both touched something that’s been in space and fed a giraffe with my left hand
i pull 🤘 this hand symbol a lot itl, aswell as a version where i extend my thumb too. somatic thing. no intended meaning!
this was supposed to be short, but now it is long. oh well. have a wonderful day💛
💮 my userboxes and iterator can stamp graphics come from my personal compendium of web graphics available on my toyhouse here. i aim to collect only the f2u graphics for use in customizing oc toyhouse pages. though i may make mistakes! do correct me if i’m wrong! i get the majority of my graphics from tumblr.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
hi guys i tweaked my commisosns thang to be more pretty lala
if you see this but dont wanna commission, then just a simple reblog could help me out and reach more people ^_^
BUT if u arent scared off yet, theres examples of my art udner cut okok
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Languages tend to peak at their word for butterfly. Never seen 2 that are the same, either. Papillon. Mariposa. Borboleta. Fluture. Vlinder. Schmetterling. Pillangó. Babochka. Farfalla. Sommerfugl. Perhonen. Farasha. Titali. Chōchō. Nabi. Húdié. Buom buom. Great job guys, i really mean it.
WAIT UR @ IS SPEAKINGSYSTEMS NOW?? i do not want to be Dramatic about this change. but i saw a post ever reblogged earlier today and it was reblogged from someone called speakingsystems. i have found who that is. i think that is very very cool. these were my tags under the post where i saw it first
wanted to show u bc i thought maybe u’d enjoy it
HAHAHAHAHA
Also yeah. SpeakingSystems has been my user for a while now. Except actually It's been the url of My Art blog for a while.so i just recently changed it to bw my mains url
awesomesauce!! im a huge fan of the name a lot. do u have a link to ur artblog huhu…has the name of ur arblog changed too bc speakingsystems is now ur main?
i hope this uhhh sends bc my wifi is SHIT right now but!! and you can reply in dms if ur not comfy bein public with it. but!! what do u think ur autism symptoms r. i can help you with the Criteria. and if not ur awesome n cool btw.
Gwwaah no it’s ok!! It would help if someone did talk to me about my symptoms. My parents are coincidentally thinking my little brother has autism, so if he actually does then there’s a high chance that I do. Considering everyone I know is saying I have autism (jokingly), it’s making me question if I do actually have it,
nodding!! do u wanna yap about it thru this post (reblogging w replies lol) so we can have a dedicated place to go and yap? or just whenever. highly likley it’ll bleed into dms anyways too lol bc its hard to keep consistent sometimes 💔💔
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
this is a vent post. you are NOT morally obligated to interact with this post if you do not have the energy for it.
i promise i will be ok. i have so much life to live and my very own mom being such a huge obstacle just pisses me off.
stay safe, ily so much 💛 and i love myself too
i have a neglectful mom. i hate her so much. on countless instances my fawning under her control has made me doubt if i hated her. but i am sure of it. she is a close-minded bitch who has consistently failed to even try to understand my point of view. i am afraid of her.
❕I MUST NOTE: THIS IS NOT A CRY FOR HELP. I AM NOT AT RISK OF KILLING OR HURTING MYSELF. do also keep in mind that all trauma is valid. my household life is still unstable. I AM ALSO MOVING INTO MY DAD’S HOUSE WHEN I AM 18 (september 5th)!! though, she will still be apart of my life until i can move away.
🔅i have good things in my life: i also have a therapist i meet with twice a week and have full access to private messaging with her at all times. her name is sharon and i love and trust her very much. she has seen me through my hardest times of recent. my dad is very alike to me and i feel safe opening up to him. he is bothered by (although not as much as i am…) my mom. i have my online friends i love spending time and calling with. i am going back to school after summer to a school recommended to me by my therapist for it’s serious focus on mental health over academics, and though i am scared, i am excited to meet new people and customize my backpack. i love drawing and writing ocs and journalling and talking with my very patient systemmates every day and watching videos in my bed and eating food i love and relaxing with my dog (who is very sweet and one of my anchors at my moms house). i am in touch with the whimsy of the world and i plan to keep it that way.
i made this list to help me keep track of what she does that pisses me off because im forgetful due to all the trauma i’ve received, and i need to stop fawning under her control. my parents are divorced and i have to stay at her house for upwards of 2 weeks depending on the schedule. i am often afraid of sharing these things with my friends in fear of burdening them (and though i know it’s not true i am still scared and fear this is too dark). but i want to share it publicly because i love formatting tumblr posts and am trying to beat back the recent developing habit of not sending messages despite wanting to. i want somewhere for my feelings to go that is not private.
my goals/rules for this post:
i do not want anyone nitpicking my reasons for hating my mom. i do not have any empathy for her specifically.
i am not trying to prove myself to anyone. my trauma from her is real.
i want to update this post whenever i have a new reason to add on why mom pisses me off. this is where i will go to vent about it.
i want to express myself here publicly so my feelings don’t feel trapped in in my notes. formatting on tumblr is really really fun to me. people who view this are not obligated to respond in any way. and maybe, someone will feel seen by this post. but i am not posting this with the specific goal of that happening. this is me experimenting with self expression and knowing what i love and hate.
some things on my list may seem unfair and harsh. that is on purpose. i am saying my feelings and preferences as a definite to fight back my moral ocd that surrounds the validity of my feelings in the face of my mom’s judgement. but i will not generalize everyone who has a messy house as she does for example. she likely has adhd but i do not hate her for having adhd. i just cannot extend any sympathy to her for the things she has done apart from that.
i am horrified of ever telling her any of this because i have many reasons not to trust her. she does not have tumblr (thank god).
⬇️list starts under cut⬇️
the opposite of this ⤴️. which explains why i do not feel entirely loved. loving is an action, not a word.
has said to my face that i can’t take care of myself and that i don’t know what i want
SHE THINKS A BOUNDARY AND A DEMAND ARE THE SAME FUCKING THING LIKE OHMYFUCKING GODDD i remember googling it to show her twice and oh my gooddddddddddd
knocking really fast in succession, and opening my door just a creak to poke her head through (reminds me of analog horror monsters)
leaves my door open when she says shes coming back soon. when i say i don’t want my door open for any reason i mean it
always says “i hear you” but she really doesn’t. i never feel heard At All.
not suspecting that maybe school in general isn’t right for me after…15 schools? or atleast never investigating?
she has the fucking karreen cuttttt fuuccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
her house and car are so fucking messy and it shows me that she sucks at prioritizing things and thinking long-term. i have ocd and i know the trick with ocd is to challenge the cleanliness habit, and she doesn’t have to be clean all the time. but it reminds me of that one opening scene from catcher in the rye where the holden caulfield notices his rather vain roommate using an uncleaned razor to shave his face. holden says that that kind of thing can tell you a lot about someone. i think about that a lot.
ingredient household. i am sure i have developed an eating disorder from my anxiety involving putting together food in her house. whenever i am in the kitchen and she notices/leaves her room to check on me(???) she asks if i need help making food. she doesn’t know i have an eating disorder. this makes me feel like i am being babied, especially when she points out very obvious food choices.
i do not feel safe communicating to her any of my preferences or boundaries because i feel like i am being vulnerable with her, and when i have tried communicating in the past i always hinge the validity of my preferences and boundaries on her judgement because of my fawning.
my dad and younger sib (who hella fawns but doesn’t know it) are also often frustrated at mom. so im not just a hater shes actually got a problem.
theres been so many times where she’s planned super early appointments for things that aren’t dire (consistent 9am booking for…a dental visit)
she assumes a lot of things. assumes i need help making my food. assumes i have the energy to talk with her ever (as she tries conversate to be my friend). assumes dad is open for actively and efficiently participating in a phone call.
shes trying to spend more time with me to get to know me again as if my cold cutting-off of passive communication between us (or the passive aggressiveness i actively displayed toward her not too long ago??) didn’t mean anything. just because i’m not like spewing insults anymore doesn’t mean my tone isn’t still obviously short with you. doesn’t mean i’m not angered by you. she really doesn’t get the memo. shes very stupid.
she liked me when i did chores for her. when i fawned for her.
her primary complaint when anyone angers her is “i cook and i clean and i” BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH OUGH MY GOD. doesn’t make me feel very heard.
she doesn’t get to the point when she talks about things very fast. she details things that are off topic with people who have voiced a value of urgency (dad in the middle of work, me asking a simple question in a curt tone). in contrast, i’ve developed a style of communication that i’m sure has been an direct adaptation from trauma surrounding not knowing what to do and how to do it. i’ve been told by two different friends that they like how i clarify.
my sib thought she was trans for a while (she was just having really heavy body dysphoria of a kind i don’t know the details on, and was pretty young. i don’t know the details on it but she hasn’t displayed any anti trans or lgbtq behavior) and mom ??? told our fucking openly republican neighbors ?? thank god they were ally or something (what the fuck) but like. this happened multiple times. mom telling people my sib is trans before my sib is ready.
mon hated the idea of me going by it/its pronouns for reasons i assume are dehumanizing. but like. wow. ok. still a valid community of real people apart of the lgbtq+ community you’re completely overlooking
she bought a book on autism but i haven’t seen it moved or mentioned (shes so fucking chatty) ONCE. did she check that the book was even a credible source or did she assume?
SHE DOESN’T LIKE TEXTING BECAUSE OF HER DYSLEXIA which is fair BUT SHES NOT EVEN TRYING TO MEET IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE WHEN ITS BEEN STATED AND RESTATED AND RESTATED THATS TEXT IS THE MOST EFFICIENT FORM OF COMMUNICATION FOR ME AND MY DAD so then we aren’t caught up on things because we didn’t want to fucking call or talk face to face right when she wants us to. and then she raambless and raambless and yaps about shit that aint important and nobody caaarrress nobody caaarrressss oh my goddddddd
when i was younger and hadn’t realized i fawned or hated her she was soooo anoyyingg about living room movie night shit. like she hated watching animated movies even when me and my sib agreed on them. like. her reasoning was ‘we’ve seen this recently’ but like. all she liked was live action shit. which i found boring and i remember voicing that. oh my gooddddddd fUCK you bitch fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuu i double middle finger her behind her back a lot HEHEHEHEHEH
· consistently fails at planning ahead
only gets my grocerylist at her own convinience
doesn’t keep a record of what i like and dislike foodwise so it’s up to me to keep reinterating
my dad and i consistently get angry with her over her spontaneity in changing plans
got a grey fabric couch that “matches the aesthetic of the house” she’s also declared cannot be eaten on. now we have to sit on the uncomfortable raised-pattern carpet floor and eat over the glass table that collects crumbs?
the realization that the unhealthy trait you’ve given your favorite oc for funsies is actually something you unintentionally do is like watching a five year old innocently and perfectly mimic your bad habits
i made this a looooong time ago dawg (like… a few months ago…) and i never shared or did anything with it but today i finally put it on the character profile i meant to put it on all those months ago.
behold my shun-ran (spring storm) by john/TOOBOE stamp. joyous. this music video has gotta be one of my favorite genders(?)
i have another one for you thats been in my notes for YEARs who i’ve yet to design but i love them a lot. they’re the third one down, but i may aswell share the two before it.
the chronically online iterator just became eihoo btw lmao (who bird here is in a qpr with)
that and my transgender transspecies ancient -> iterator fellow, vuckvuck! who is a systemmate too 💖 hes sleeping. his transformation was honestly really ironic but also painful and has a shitton more info on his toyhouse (beware transphobia themes though)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
this was made before my vaycay!! its of eihoo and his two girlies bird (star eyes, uniform) and berry (horns, eyelashes). they are polyamory and they are awesome. bird n berry are lesbians and eihoo is in a qpr with both of them. something something yearning character third wheeling getting a happy ending after a shitton of drama
also i drafted this post before finishing my evilass video of them and its corresponding evilass post…..if you wanna see more of these few here’s that project…
