🤍

my water and sewage got randomly shut off today. i remember getting a call about it a few weeks ago and just assumed it was a scam because i really thought it was all on autopay but i hadn’t payed my water in a month and i just had no idea that sewage was separate and haven’t paid that since i’ve moved in (4 months). so i probably just tanked my credit score forever but ill probably be too scared to actually check it until i absolutely have to.

i am feeling pretty ashamed of myself. i just feel dumb and like i can’t function on my own. i am currently no contact with family and have no friends that i feel like i could rely on for anything. i want to move away from this city that has a very small queer population and is not walkable or enjoyable in any way.

objectively i know that i am disabled and overworked / completely burnt out. i have a week of leave that starts in a few days so i can hopefully start making moves to find a job in another city. feel like god is pushing me to make that happen. this feels like the last time something really bad happened and it ended up turning into something great that absolutely needed to happen. so just trying to stay positive it just feels like i am drowning in dishes and chores and my car needs to be fixed and a $1600 washing machine is sitting in my bathroom not working because the outlet almost caused an electrical fire but i tell myself my apartment has to be spotless for me to put in a maintenance request (insane).