Dear College Students

Your professors don’t like failing you. Know that we don’t take pleasure in it when we have to. 

Start the semester off on the right foot and do the homework your professor assigns. Do the easy work now. 

DON’T FUCKING PLAGIARIZE, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST 

If you’re emailing a professor a paper, attach it as a document. Do not paste the paper into the body of the email. 

The end of the semester is hard, but you can get through it. There’s work to be done, but you’re in the home stretch  and you have people rooting for you.

Follow formatting guidelines. They are easy- just follow them. If you don’t know how to work Word to get those guidelines, ask. 

Do not ask when you will get an assignment back more than once. And when you do ask, do so in a very polite manner. 

Ask your professors questions whenever you don’t understand something. If you’re in a small class where you professor can stop their lecture, ask them as soon as you think of the question. If you’re in a class with a TA, write the question down as soon as you think of it so you can ask when you break out into discussion groups. If your question won’t get answered at either of those times, try emailing the professor/ TA. Or go to a tutoring center on campus, because they have those.

Particularly in a rhet/comp/English class: use the correct citations, in-text and for works cited pages. English has so few things that are black and white right/wrong, but those things are some of them. Your professor, if they’re worth their salt, will have gone over them. Pay attention when they do!

Do your best on it when time allows.  Just do something if time doesn’t; even half-assed, getting credit for something is better than getting no credit. 

If you have social anxiety or get nervous in front of a crowd, find someway to communicate that your professor and see if they will work with you for the participation points. There are some profs who are absolute assholes, but most of us aren’t. Try to show us you’re trying and we’ll do what we can.

SHOW UP TO CLASS WHENEVER YOU CAN

I had students I knew I liked immediately when I saw their Marvel gear, so your professor is probably a big nerd about something. See if you can’t find out and then use that. However, that won’t stop you from having to do the work.

I know it’s hard, but try not to root for that.  At least not all the time. 

You are still on the list of priorities though, I promise. 

It will do 1 of, possibly both, 2 things: a) hurt your professor’s feelings because most of us try to make our classes as painless and as fun as possible no matter the subject or b) annoy them and make them think you’re a jackass and feel less likely to show you leniency about things. 

just show up late with the food if you really must. possibly bring food for your prof.