your disney vibes are totally low, man

I was just makin’ sure it was you —- Hell yeah it is, you dirty fucker.

Jacobs! 'S you! -- Fuck yeah, 's me -- the one and only, y'know? -- I hope your salty ass missed me.

A note.

Yeah, a'ight --- what kind of note?

Yeah, you — Oh, okay. Cool. Jus’ makin’ sure — Aw, it’s times like these I wish I had a penis, but nah go — Don’t wanna keep the dude waitin’. 

'M sure the kid won't mind too much. 'S worth the fuckin' wait, y'know? My blowjobs are fuckin' exceptional. Then again, just about everythin' I do is fuckin' exceptional, sexual or not. 'S 'cause I'm fuckin' cool. Y'know who else is fuckin' cool? ---- Taylor Swift.

——- You sold your body?

Fuck yeah, I did --- look, 's all in good faith. I wanted extra fuckin' money that wasn't from my job or my mom, an' this is the way to do it. Y'know what I could buy with thirty bucks? -- A who fuckin' lot. Includin' several Mcdonald's meals, so I have my priorities on point.

———- You’re actually full of shit.

Probably, fuckin' yeah. I ate a whole fuckin' lot this mornin' so that would explain it.

You and me both. I came back a few days ago. Didn’t really…go anywhere special. I missed you, though.

----Did ya'? 'm not sure why the fuck ya' would, but I have a pretty great fuckin' presence, so I guess I can see where you're comin' from. Missed ya' too, kiddo.

But ya' know I'll always come back ---- what'd I miss? Did someone get fuckin' aids or some shit? I bet it was the Biology teacher. She's always been a cranky ass fuckin' whore, I think she had it comin' for her. 

Yeah, and all it fucking said was that you were leaving! You didn’t tell me why, you didn’t tell me where, you didn’t even say if you were ever coming back! And don’t…don’t call me kid. You know I hate it.

Wh ---- I said I'd see ya' fuckin' later! That means 'm comin' back. I mean --- honestly, I thought you'd use some of your fuckin' logic, ya' kid.

I don’t blame you, I’m pretty good a blowjobs. How have you been, Sweetcheeks?

I've been fuckin' great, kid. How 'bout y'erself? I heard ya' went fuckin' mental an' got expelled. --- 'M  not really fuckin' surprised. Kidding.

I totally think that with a little bit more practice, I will be hitting that E6 in no time.

The fuck is an E6?

Did you miss me?

I personally missed your blowjobs more, but sure thing.

Well, I ------ just 'cause 's you.

So, you finally decided to show up, huh? Where have you been, kid? S’ been forever.

Somethin' along those lines. ---- Away. Nowhere particularly memorable.

"You bastard. You fucking bastard. You disappear for weeks, weeks, and you don’t tell me where you’ve gone? You could have been dead, Toby.”

I wrote a fuckin' note, kid! C'mon, ya' can't fuckin' tell me that the handwritin' was that bad.