honey + thorns

Alice wasn’t a person who was left speechless much too often. She would usually find both words an explanation for everything that happened in her life, especially after the attack. She needed that reassurance her memory wasn’t able to give her. If her brain was refusing to work properly, she was going to force it to. However, she could certainly say there were no words to explain how exactly she was feeling right now, her lips covered by Ted’s kisses, feeling them inside of her after so long. Both their movements were clumsier than before, obviously. It had been ten years, and despite how much they wanted each other, their bodies need to get used to each other again. Nonetheless, it felt exactly like it had the last time they had been together - though she could barely remember when that had been. It wasn’t just about how every single one of their movements seemed to fit together perfectly, in spite of how unpolished they were, it was about the way her heart couldn’t stop beating, how complete they were making her feel, as if her own body had been asleep for an eternity and they were here to awaken it, as if their kisses were breathing life into her bones. 

If it hadn’t been obvious by now, it couldn’t be denied that despite everything that had happened between them, despite their silence, everything they had chosen to do, and her anger, her initial decision to push them away from her life, frank’s and neville’s; her feelings for them were intact. She still loved Ted, and that was the reason she had decided to run to them last night, when everything had seemed to fall apart again, when every single wall looked like it was closing on her. They had been her salvation, and apparently without meaning to, she had been theirs as well. Alice didn’t really want to think of what was going to happen after this, how on Earth they were going to make whatever they were doing work in a wold filled with danger still, where they were an executioner and she was an official of the law looking for a way to stop this terrible regime they were working for. It was going to be complicated, more than that, it was going to be a mess. She didn’t care about that, though. The only thing on her mind was to keep feeling like this, to take as much of them as she could and let them do the same with her. 

“Fuck.”, she moaned under her breath as they both started moving, their pace borderline desperate. Despite her lack of memory, she knew Ted’s boy enough to notice how fast their arousal was building up. They weren’t going to last long before they needed their release, and she wasn’t sure she was going to get there first. She didn’t mind, though. There was going to be time to improve their time. All she cared now was to be with them, the feeling of them inside of her, of their arms surrounded her and their bodies pressed together, moving faster and faster. She responded to every hungry kiss in kind, tongues moving against each other, teeth catching their bottom lip from time to time, softly moaning in between. “Ted- I-I’ve missed how you feel inside me.”, she practically whimpered into their kisses. “I’ve missed you so much.” Her lips went to their jaw, then up to their earlobe as she whispered, “You can come. I want you to come for me baby.”

It was amazing the way their bodies seemed to remember each other so well, that as soon as they had come together again, it had all been instinctual in a way. No matter how long it had been, there were some things that they couldn’t forget, and apparently being together was one of them. Things were a little messier than before, a little different, but it was all so the same that it would have terrified them if they were in any state of mind to think at the moment. There was no room for any more thought besides the vague thought that she somehow felt even more perfect than she had ten years ago, like they had been craving her without truly realizing how much they needed her, like they had been waiting for this to feel anything like themself again. Kissing her, moving against her, made them feel more like the old them than they had in years, as if she had been the missing key all this time, and only now were they allowed to feel any of that again. It was a realization that none of their feelings for her had ever changed, no matter how much they had tried to ignore them all, for both of their sake, and now that they were allowed to act on them, it was like seeing clearly for the first time in ten years.

Her words just drove them even wilder, causing them to let out a loud moan in response, as if to tell her they felt the same, they had missed being inside of her just as much as she had missed them. Her lips on their ear sent a shiver through their body, but her words were enough to send them into a frenzy, never having heard something quite so sweet to their ears. They had been hoping they could last a little longer than this, that they could’ve at least brought her over the edge before themself, but it had been so long since they had been with anyone, and the feeling of her, the emotions attached to all of it, combined with the words she said, it was all too much. They had gotten better at their self control, but this had every single one of their defenses shot, overwhelmed with the feeling of her. It only took a few more thrusts, feeling the pleasure build more and more, before the explosion of pleasure washed over them, making them come wildly with a loud moan, closing their eyes, burying their face in her neck, holding her impossibly close. Their movements were deep and intense as they rode out the waves of their orgasm, their mind blissfully blank of any thoughts but thoughts of Alice. It was hard for them to remember a time when they had felt something so intensely emotional, a pleasure so pure, but they were glad to have it now.  

It felt like the orgasm went on for a small eternity, so fantastically beautiful, as if their body was just as grateful at the chance to be wholly connected to Alice again as they were themself. It took a long moment before they finally could think clearly again, until they realized everything that had just happened. When it all washed over them, that it was all real, that they were here with Alice, feeling things they had thought were impossible for them to feel anymore, it made a laugh bubble up in their chest, shaking their body, even as they pressed kiss after kiss to her lips, her cheeks, her ears, her neck. When they finally paused to look at her, the grin on their lips was half-bashful, but mostly satisfied, amazed. “Sorry about that,” they laughed a little, out of breathe, still moving their hips slowly, riding out the last few waves of pleasure. “It’s your turn next,” Ted muttered, pressing another kiss to her lips, this one a little messy, lazy, in the post-orgasm haze of bliss.

The second they were finally free from the rest of their underwear, Alice couldn’t help but hum in pleasure. It had been so long since they had been like this, completely naked, bare against each other; and she had missed it so much. It wasn’t even about the sex itself, or the fact that after years she was finally feeling this kind of desire again and now she could hardly wait - it was about the fact that it was Ted she was with. She wanted them, and no one else. Perhaps that had been the reason this hadn’t worked in the past; the reason why her guilt and the memories she still had hadn’t allowed her to go further. Despite everything that had happened, she knew this was also what Frank would have wanted. If he never woke up - which was looking more and more possible by the day - he would have wished for her and Ted to reunite, to find a way together, to salvage what was left of their strange and crazy family that had known how to be happy once upon a time. 

She wanted it too. Not just because of Frank, but for herself. Even though her feelings towards Ted had been complicated throughout the years, despite having blaming them first, and then being angry at them because they hadn’t been there when she had needed them the most; things were different now. She understood why they had done what they did, and she had also realised that in spite of everything, her feelings for them had never changed. She had been willing to live with that before, keeping it quiet, giving them time to heal and recover - but not anymore. Not when they were giving her hope like this, when she knew she could help them, when it was so obvious there was still good and love inside them. Alice wasn’t going to give up now. It was going to take time, and it was going to be complicated and messy. There was no way things were going to be the same as before; but they didn’t need to be. They could make new memories together, along with Dora, and Neville. They could be a family once more. That was exactly what Ted and Dora needed - a family, people to believe in them, and be there for them as much as they were there for each other. 

“I missed you, too.” Alice muttered between kisses, voice tender. “That doesn’t matter. I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere. If you need me, you can have me. In any way you want.” That was the truth. If after this they decided they needed her as a friend, she was going to understand, and she wasn’t going to push it. By the looks of it though, friendship was the last thing on Ted’s mind as well. The way they kissed her, hard and hungrily, and their hands tracing every inch of her body made it clear that they wanted her as much as she wanted them. As her hips grinded against theirs, her wet entrance brushing their arousal, she moaned between their lips. That feeling alone was going to make her come in the stop if they keep it up. They both wanted more though, that much was obvious. Alice chuckled softly when they pulled back, ready to push into her. “Apparently we are doing this, yes.” One of her hands went to their cheek, cupping it gently. The other moved to their hardness, already positioned at her entrance. She moved up and down their length, getting them ready for her. “Hey, it’s okay baby.” She whispered, her voice soft, as she kissed them slowly. “I don’t care how long it’s been. I want you. I’ve never stopped.” Then she let go, and slid down, moaning their name as they buried themself inside of her.

This whole thing, finally being with Alice again, being laid bare in front of each other, honest, every imperfection accepted by the other, it felt a whole lot like coming home. It was a reminder of how much they had always loved Alice, still loved her, even if they were too afraid to admit that out loud for fear of what it might mean for them both. The desire they had to be with her was about more than just the physicality of it, but the act of being together again like this was bringing forth all of the things that they had thought they had lost long ago, forgotten feelings they didn’t believe they were capable of any longer. Before, they had been someone so full of love, always ready to freely give it to anyone who came across their path. They had been open with their affection even more so with the three people they had loved most in the world. They had thought, though, that that was long gone, with them or otherwise. In reality, though, it seemed like their body had just been waiting for a sign to be allowed to have some of that vulnerability again. It had to be one of them, it had to be Alice. There was never going to be anyone else who could make them feel like this anymore, not after everything, and they hadn’t even thought this would be possible. But here they were, feeling more like their old self than they had since being released from Azkaban.

No matter how much everything about both of their lives had changed, they were now realizing that no matter how much they had tried to deny it, ignore it, their own feelings for Alice had never wavered. They had fought that feeling so much, but it was impossible to kept it below the surface once she had showed up at the door a mess, everything going back to feeling so easy after they had had a chance to talk to her, to apologize even in their own way. She had somehow shown them that maybe it was worth the risk, to have even an ounce of what they had had together before, to have something of the family they had shared back then. Nothing was going to be simple, in fact, it was going to be so infinitely complicated once they were outside of the comfort of their bedroom that they were afraid they were going to let her down again, but it was worth it to try. She had been through so much pain and hurt, so much of it because of them, and they wanted to show her that they could be better. And maybe in turn that would help them realize that it was possible to be more than the pain of the past, to be more than all of the horrible things they had done, were still doing. This was all so much more than just being intimate again after so long, it was an expression of their belief in each other, and the belief that maybe they could have a future.

The tenderness of her words, despite the intensity of what their bodies were doing, just confirmed all of that for Ted. She was here, and she wasn’t going anywhere; and they planned on doing just the same for her, now. Somewhere along the way they had gotten too proud to admit when they needed help, when what they were doing wasn’t enough, when things felt hopeless, but here they were now, ready to give up that pride if it meant Alice would be there, in anyway she wanted to be there. And in that moment what they wanted was exactly what their body was begging for, her. Her laugh made them smile fondly at her as her hand went to their cheek, a smile that turned into a gasp when her hand found their length, preparing them for exactly what they both needed. The moan they let out as she slid down on them, her wetness surrounding them finally, was absolutely obscene. “You feel so fucking good, Allie,” they managed to breathe. Somehow, after so many years without her, they had forgotten the perfection of being inside of her, feeling her around them, moving against her. And they wasted no time in starting to move, a little slowly, in and out, the noises coming from their mouth, caught in between her lips as they kissed her desperately as loud and passionate as they had been ten years ago. They knew they weren’t going to be able to last long, not when their body was experiencing something it hadn’t felt in so long, overwhelmed with the sensation of her.

Many people would have found her lack of worrying strange. The fact that she wasn’t thinking about how it had been ten years since both of them had done something like this, that perhaps their bodies wouldn’t fit like they used to. They were different people now. Ted was slimmer, their arms were stronger, their shoulders broader - Azkaban and Lily Evans’ job had shaped their body the way it had been useful to them. Hers was different. Her frame was pretty much the same it had been ten years ago, but she was now more scarred, her bones definitely more tired. None of that seemed to matter now, and that was the exact reason she wasn’t worried at all. From the moment they had kissed, she had felt it all back, as if time hadn’t gone by. They wanted each other like they did the very first time they had touched. It wasn’t really important how long it had been, or even how good it was going to be; they needed each other desperately - she needed to be with them, to be able to give herself one more chance at happiness. It was obvious she wasn’t going to get that with anyone else, and she didn’t want to either. 

Nonetheless, Alice understood why they could be worried - and she was ready to slow things down if that was what Ted needed. Despite her resolve, when they told her they didn’t want to stop, she couldn’t deny she felt relieved. Their moans mimicking hers only helped turning her on even further, her movements on top of them becoming faster and more desperate. Their arousal pressing against her own dampness filled her with almost painful pleasure. She hadn’t realise until now how ready she was for them to take her, how much she wanted to finally feel them inside of her. It looked a bit pathetic, really, the way she clung on to them while they kissed her, how her own moans were swallowed by their lips and their tongue, and how much they had been able to make her feel in just a couple of minutes. She understood the complications, she knew things were going to be messy from now on, but something had been awakened inside of her - something she thought was extinguished forever - and she couldn’t see herself wanting to stop any time soon. 

Ted’s fingers wasted no time to travel down between her legs, easily pushing her underwear aside and making their way inside of her. She had remembered how talented they were at this, how simply they could reach all her soft spots and make her scream. A shock of pleasure ran through her body as they started to touch her and she couldn’t contain the high pitched moan that escaped her mouth. Her body kept moving, looking for more friction, desperately trying to increase the feeling. As they traced a path of kisses up her neck to her earlobe, Alice thought she was going to come here and then. Their lips on her ear used to be her weakness, and it looked like things hadn’t changed in that regard. “Then take me now.”, she practically whimpered against their skin. One of her hands moved to the edge of their underwear, tugging from it so it would finally stop being an inconvenience. “You should fuck me soon because I don’t think I can take it any longer.”

It had been such a long time since they had done anything like this, but as their fingers pushed inside of her, instinct and desire took over, and it was so easy to remember exactly what it was that Alice liked, just in the same way she seemed to be doing the same with them. There were some things that not even time or memory loss could take away, and they were glad to know that this was one of them. They were also glad to have the chance to make new memories of this nature with her, when they had never expected to have this chance. In the back of their mind, they liked to think that even if this was the last chance they had with her, it would be worth it, but they already knew that this was just the beginning now. Now that the line had been crossed, the unspoken agreement changed to this, there was no going back, and Ted wasn’t sure they could’ve even if they wanted to, even already just remembering how she felt as their fingers moved, coaxing a moan from her lips. They had missed that sound more than they could describe, and they were already thinking of the million other ways they could get her to make that sound again. The first of which was exactly what they were doing now.

Lips on her ear, finding that she still had the same weakness that she had held ten years ago. Even better than that reaction, though, were the words that she whimpered against their skin, a little shaky and muffled, but oh-so attractive. And there was no way that they were going to say no to something like that, especially when they felt the exact same way. As soon as the words had left her mouth, they stopped what they were doing in favor of ridding them both of the little clothing left that was keeping them from having what they were both so in need of. They were honestly surprised that they managed not to rip either of their underwear as their hands moved, quickly enough to be a little clumsy. Their thoughts were positively racing as they finally freed both themself and her of their clothing, a dozen reasons they knew they shouldn’t do it, but a dozen more powerful ones for why they should. It wasn’t fair to worry about what would happen on the outside, wasn’t fair to let the world dictate whether or not they were allowed to try for a bit of happiness. They both deserved this chance, and Ted felt in their very soul that this was the start of getting at that for both of them, a chance to fix what had gone wrong, a chance for that happiness they had thought they had lost all those years ago.

So they pushed all of the potential complications aside for this moment, instead focused on her, on relearning her body, of feeling that closeness they had missed so much. “I’ve missed feeling you so much, Allie. I need you, I don’t know why I tried to tell myself I didn’t,” they muttered, before bringing their lips together in a deep, hungry kiss, as their hand moved down her body, tracing her curves. They kissed her long and hard, moving under her, needy for more friction, more contact, even as their arousal moved against her bare skin. It only lasted for a moment, though, because they felt the same as her; they couldn’t wait any longer, not when they had waited ten years to have her again. Their hand moved to their hardness, positioning themself at her entrance, unable to keep back the moan they let out even just from feeling her wetness. Before pushing into her, they pulled back from the kiss to look her in the eye, the desire clear in their look. “We’re doing this now, yeah?” they asked, a little laugh in their voice, already knowing the answer, just from her previous words, but needing to make sure, almost as if they thought the moment they let themself have what they both wanted, she would just disappear, a fantasy too good to be true. 

If someone had told Alice a week ago that she was going to be in this situation, she most likely wouldn’t have believed it. Doing something like this had been unthinkable for so long - and yet here she was, needier than ever. The way she clung onto them, the way she kissed them, hungry for more, was almost embarrassing. If they had been any other person, she would have been afraid of scare them off - but this was Ted, they knew her, even though they probably didn’t remember exactly how it was to be with her, she could tell their body hadn’t forgotten about it, much like her hadn’t either. She tried, but she couldn’t really recall the last time they had been together like this. Her intuition told her it had probably been shortly after what had happened to Frank, during one of the few nights Andromeda and them had convinced her to leave his hospital bed for a couple hours. In all honesty, she had no idea; and even though she knew she was going to miss those memories, the sudden opportunity of making new ones excited her perhaps even more that what was going to happen in a second. 

She gasped sharply in anticipation as their fingers hovered her chest, aching for them to touch her. It had been quite some time since she had done something like this, but she wasn’t worried. She was certain it was going to be fine, because this was her and Ted - there was no way I wouldn’t. And yet when they stopped she tensed, afraid that maybe she had pushed too far; that perhaps they were having second thoughts, regretting what had happened. When they spoke again, a little laugh of her own mimicked theirs. In a strange way it was relieving that they both were in the same situation. Alice leaned in before saying anything, kissing them deeply, her body grinding against them, feeling their arousal pressing against her leg. 

“Don’t worry Tedward. It’s the same for me. I mean, I tried but- it didn’t work out. I don’t think it was meant to be. In fact, I don’t think it’s meant to be with anyone but you. So don’t worry, we’ll make it work.” Alice smiled tenderly, her lips now moving to their cheek, small kisses travelling down their face to their jaw as she kept talking. “We can take it as slow as you want.” Her hips kept moving, slower this time, causing an almost painful friction between them. She took one of their hands and guided it towards her breasts. “I’m the same woman you made love to ten years ago, you know? Maybe a bit more scarred after all this time being an Auror but - my body still needs yours as much as it did back then.” Her whispers were almost like moans, mixed with the heavy breathing caused by their hand on her body and the pleasure her movements were provoking. “I don’t care if neither of us have don this in a long while. I want you now. However you want to have me.”

Her laugh had always been one of their many favorite things about her, the way it bubbled up from such a place of joy, a sound that could clear clouds away, and as she laughed along with them, they realized just how much they had missed that laugh for so long. They had forgotten what it sounded like, the Dementors having sapped them of that memory just the way they had taken away the image of Andromeda’s smile. But they had it here now, and the sound made them feel at home, warm and safe in a way that took them back to before everything was ruined, before it all got so complicated. It reminded them of other times they had shared together, giggling and kissing and touching each other like they were teenagers discovering each others’ bodies for the first time. This felt a lot like that, actually. Their muscle memory knew what to do, even if their mind was still trying to remember everything about being with Alice, but still if felt a lot like they were both young again, doing this sort of thing for the first time together. A little nervous, a little embarrassed, but the desire outweighing all of that.

Her kiss was all the confirmation that they needed, the way she moved her body against theirs proof that she didn’t care how long it had been since they had done any of this, that she just wanted them now. They were surprised to hear that she hadn’t been with anyone else since then, they had assumed that at some point she had tried to move on, even in some small way, and it sounded like she had, but it hadn’t gone well. Part of them was glad in a way, a selfish way, that she hadn’t been able to. It was self-centered to think, but they were glad that they were doing this together, that even after all of this time, they both still felt something that they had then, and that even when Alice had been alone without any of them, that they had all still meant something. And they were well aware that part of their own reasoning had been that their feelings had never changed, no matter what else about them did.

“I don’t think it was meant to be with anyone but you, either. But I’m not sure I can take things slow,” they said, the last word turning into a moan as she moved against them, guiding their hand up to her breast. Her own words were a mixture of moans and heavy breaths, and that along with the feeling of her brought back a rush of memories, of how they always seemed to fit together so perfectly, voices mingling to make beautiful music. With permission for this to be just what it would be with the two of them, it having been so long with all of them, they decided that it wasn’t worth it to waste anymore time. Ted kissed her again, hungry and open-mouthed, as their other hand moved to between her legs, only teasing for a second before pushing the material of her underwear aside to give their fingers access to her. It was impossible to keep the too-loud moan from escaping their lips as they felt her for the first time in ten years. Their lips moved a trail of kisses up her jaw to her earlobe, nibbling for a second before saying, “I just want you now, Allie.”

The mention of Andromeda causes a shift in the conversation Remus didn’t quite see coming, and pushes him even further outside his comfort zone. Even after so many years he’d yet to really form an opinion on the matter surrounding Tonks and the Black sisters. At the time he was too wrapped up in his troubles surrounding Sirius’s imprisonment to care much for someone else’s. Andromeda and him had been close once, back when he was so caught up in Sirius, that any one even remotely connected to the wix became someone he wanted to be connected with too. All of that seemed like a lifetime ago now. 

Unsure of what exactly to say, he remains quiet, simply nodding along to whatever the wix had to say, hoping it would lead to the quickest route out of the conversation. Unfortunately his luck wouldn’t quite run that way, when instead of deciding to cut their losses and head out, the wix instead brought up Crouch Jr. Remus can’t help but feel like there may be some kind of test hidden in their words. So far he’d done his best to stay clear of anything having to do with the Crouch case- or pretty much any of the other numerous cases that had been coming through the Ministry as of late. It wasn’t because he thought what Lily and Ted were doing was wrong exactly, he just found himself caring so little about it in the first place. 

“Which is probably a good thing,” he responds, and musters up a light chuckle. “Usually when you hear something coming from my department, it’s never anything good. I have run into some interesting old case files I might hit Alice up with later, but it’s nothing that you or the minister should worry about.” 

“…And how is the Crouch case going?”, he quickly adds, figuring if he didn’t take the bait he’d look even more suspicious than he needed to be, “I usually miss a lot of what’s going on upstairs down where I’m at.” 

Even as they continue, they’re still not exactly certain what they’re trying to get out of this conversation. In all honesty, they should’ve just turned around when they saw him up in the shop, gone to look for a present for Dora somewhere else, come back another day, anything, considering just how strange this whole interaction felt. But it feels like too perfect of an opportunity to assess things to leave behind. As much as Remus looks desperate to leave as soon as he can, they know that he won’t, not until Ted lets him.

It’s a strange among of silent power to hold over someone. It’s not something that Ted had ever imagined themself having, especially when it came to someone like Remus. He had been close with Andromeda, after all, or as close as all of Sirius’ closest confidants were to her. So it was a strange change, one that neither of them had really been faced with until now. 

“Good, good. Suppose that’s true. No other news is good news, when you’ve got a Death Eater to deal with,” they say with a vague nod. The mention of Alice distracts them, though, just as she’s started to become a constant distraction over the past few days, in a very welcome way. “I’m sure Alice would be happy to help with anything you need; she could use a distraction from everything going on.” 

It’s clear that it’s purely obligation that leads Remus to ask about the trial, but it’s nice to have an outlet that can’t disagree for once. “Oh, it’s going,” they shrug slightly, as if they’re just discussing the weather. “The Wizengamot is being a pain in the arse, but that’s nothing new. It’ll all be over soon enough. The case isn’t a hard one, honestly there’s no need for a trial. The world knows the pain he’s caused already.”

In all honesty she had been waiting for their answer. They had told her time and again the night before that they did want her, despite their decision of remaining friends. However, Alice had felt the need to ask, just in case they had changed their mind after everything that had happened. Fortunately, that hadn’t been the case, and even though she knew this was going to lead to a large sum of complications she couldn’t be more glad about it. She wanted this. One could have argued she had wanted it since the second she had appeared at their door. Perhaps it was different now, maybe it was about more than a quick release at this moment - but that didn’t change the fact that her breathing was accelerated and her body was reacting in ways she hadn’t thought it was still capable of. Alice had been scared of an interaction like this for years, ever since her last attempt had failed terribly. That was another reason why she had thought she needed to be completely drunk to try it again. 

She wasn’t drunk now, though. Quite the contrary, her mind felt as sharp as ever, aware of every little thing that was happening. Every little movement of Ted’s hands on her body, the way they seemed to pull her closer and closer even when it didn’t seem possible. The reaction their body was having to this were as obvious as hers, or even more. The fact that feeling their arousal pressing from under layers of clothes turned her on even further wasn’t even surprising. Alice had forgotten what it felt like to be this desperate for physical contact, to need someone as much as she needed them right now - but everything was coming back. Her mind erased memories from her sometimes, and it was a cruel thing to do; but her body didn’t seem to share that habit. As they shifted to take their own shirt off, everything fit into place. Her own chest pressed against theirs looked like the perfect fit, their bodies together like the right piece of a puzzle that had been apart for way too long. 

“Yes, I don’t think I have that much strength either.”, she muttered against their lips, kissing them hungrily once again. In a swift movement, she unclasped her bra and threw it aside. She was moving way too fast, she knew, but there was an urgency inside her she didn’t know she had and now it couldn’t be stopped. There was a fond glance, followed by a tender smile at the sight of the flowers on their shoulder. The same flowers she used to magically move around their skin every time they were lying in bed together, naked, after hours of making love incessantly. Her fingertips brushed the ink gently. “I know you didn’t. I could see it in your eyes, every time you looked at me from a distance. And I didn’t either. You will always be in my heart.” With that she leaned in, kissing those flowers, her lips travelling up their shoulder to their collarbone, and then their neck, landing on their earlobe as she nibbled on it not as gently as expected. “Ted-”, she whispered, heavy breathing clear in her voice. “Fuck me, please?”

They couldn’t remember what it had been like the last time they had been together, just the two of them, that memory one of the many that had been takne from them in Azkaban. But suddenly they didn’t mind so much, because they had the now. They had never thought that it would be possible to have any of that again, they had been so afraid that they were too changed, that they weren’t capable of the feelings they had been then, and that fear was still there, but feeling Alice on top of them again, her kisses so familiar, yet so new, they were starting to think that that fear was unfounded. 

In the blink of an eye, she had shrugged her bra off, and they realized just how much they needed her. They needed to touch her, to make sure they remembered every little detail of her body they way they had ten years ago, to learn every change that had happened in their years without her. Their fingertips ghosted over her chest, almost as if she would disappear if they weren’t careful, still not totally believing it was possible to have all of this again. The feeling of her fingers tracing their tattoos, the gentle kisses that followed sent a pleasant chill through their body, awakening memories in them that they had thought they had lost. But there they were, clear as day, how she used to do the same when they lied in bed together, how she would make the flowers and the vines move with magic, how much it all meant to them, and still did. How it meant even more now that she was saying she could tell they had never really forgotten any of it, that she would never forget them, either. Their voice caught in their throat, emotions welling up, mixing with the overwhelming sensations of their bodies pressed together. It was the most they had let themself feel in a long, long time, but it was good. They were glad it was with her, it couldn’t have been anyone else.

Her words just confirmed everything they had already believed, the desperation with which both of them needed each other. But it was more than just the physical need, even though those needs were so strong Ted could barely fathom, hadn’t realized they still could have so strongly. It was about their connection, though. They understood each other better than anyone else possibly could, and they needed each other. Things were going to be complicated and hard, but it was more important to have a way to get by, and they were realizing more and more that what they needed was her. And they knew that she felt the same way. “God, yes,” they breathed, words coming out more as a moan from the combination of her words and the feeling of her teeth nibbling at their ear. Their hand moved down her side, coming the top of her underwear, dancing along the edge, stopping, realizing just how long it had been since they had been in a situation like this, suddenly a little embarrassed, feeling a lot like a teenager again. “You should know that it’s, er, been a while...” Ted started, letting out a little laugh despite themself, even as they brushed their lips over her neck. They pulled back for a second to look at her, the same slightly embarrassed grin on their lips. “The last time I was with anyone was Andromeda, so it’s been literally ten years, Allie.”

The last time Alice had been in a situation similar to this, she had started hyperventilating and crying before she was able to go much further. For a second her whole body tensed up, scared that it was going to happen again; that the memory of Frank and the guilt she felt deep in her heart was going to force her to stop things, no matter how much she wanted them. However, the moment passed, and Ted’s tongue pressed forward inside her mouth, their hands pulling her closer; and suddenly she felt safe. She wanted to keep going, despite everything they had promised the night before, in spite of all the talks of friendship, and all the times she had tried to convince herself again and again that anything else happening between them was going to be way too complicated for them both to handle. There was something she was feeling now, something rooted deep inside her, that couldn’t be stopped.

Out of the four of them, Ted and herself had been perhaps the ones who found it more difficult to control their desires. Their fondness for physical affection translated to their intimate times, and it wasn’t strange that they would be the ones to initiate passionate moments whether it’d be between each other, with the others, or even all together. Therefore it wasn’t at all surprising her body felt like it was burning right now, eager for them to touch it. The moment they had kissed her like that, and she had responded, was the moment they had crossed that threshold and there was no turning back now. They seemed to feel the same, by the way they whispered they didn’t want to ruin things against her lips, but then proceeded to kiss her once more - pulling her closer, their hand slipping under the sheets. “You won’t.”, she muttered between kisses, suddenly not being able to keep her lips away from theirs. “I know what I’m doing. I want this. I want you.”

It was the truth. She did want them. Not like the night before, not as a quick release to forget about everything that was happening outside - she wanted them because her body was aching for them, begging for them to take her after then years of sadness, melancholy and neglect. Kissing them still, Alice quickly got rid of the shirt she was wearing and shifted her position so she was fully on top of them. “What about you? We can stop if that’s what you want.”

Now that they had crossed that line, now that their kisses had turned from appreciative, tentative, to deep and hungry, it was like they had suddenly given their body permission to truly want all of this again. In the past ten years, ten years without that physical closeness, without any intimacy at all, they had stopped really needing it, or so they had thought. Before, Ted had been someone who needed that intimacy to survive, so often the one to initiate moments like this, probably more often than was really necessary. But in the time since then, it was like their body had decided they shouldn’t rely on that physical affection. Now, though, as Alice’s body pressed close to theirs, they realized that it hadn’t changed, they had just been ignoring that need for so long. And now their body was nearly desperate for those feelings again, sharing it all with someone they had loved, someone they still could love.

They actually let out a laugh at her words, even as she pulled the shirt she had borrowed from them. Despite everything, despite the night before, despite falling asleep together, waking up with her body half on top of theirs, they still somehow hadn’t been expecting for things to move further. They had both agreed that friendship was a good start, and they both had to know that that alone was going to be complicated enough on its own. And yet, Ted couldn’t have cared less of whatever complications might lie ahead because of their choice to start kissing, to keep going, when they felt like their body was truly awake for the first time in ten years. Seeing her––maybe a little blurry given their glasses were safely on the bedside table––on top of them, shirt off, just as beautiful as they remembered, perhaps even more so, it was enough to take their breathe away. There was definitely no going back now, not when they were realizing just how much they had missed being close to her, being with her, having the intimacy and the understanding with her. They had missed the feeling of her body pressed against theirs, and everything that followed, and there was no doubt in their mind that they wanted all of that now.

It was more than apparent that she was speaking the truth, that she really did want them, and not just as a quick release, a distraction that she had come for last night. No, this was about both of them being together again. And how were they going to be the one to say no when she was on top of them, shirtless. “Nope, sorry, we can’t stop now, too late, don’t have that strength. I want you too badly,” they said, words coming out a little breathy half against her lips. Shifting so that they were half sitting, they very quickly pulled away so that they could pull their own shirt off, already too eager to move slowly. Ted’s lips met hers again, kissing her deeply, as they took one of her hands, and guided it to the flowers tattooed on their shoulder cap, her flowers. “I never forgot you, you know, no matter what it seemed like. I could never forget you.”

Marlene wondered for a moment if Ted truly believed in what they said. They seemed to accept it, but there was something off, something darker about their voice than if they’d been talking to the old Ted… and perhaps it was simply what had been done to them, the many emotional and physical pains they’d suffered in the ten years that separated them. After all, wasn’t that enough? Anyone would be changed by Azkaban enough for them not to sound like themself anymore. Still, something nagged at the younger wix’s attentions, something that still felt wrong even though all things considered they had no place to try and say what was normal for Ted these days. Marlene hoped desperately and maybe even to the point of foolishness that they wouldn’t throw away the second chance that they’d been given- and they weren’t thinking of the one Lily Evans had provided them either, but rather the opportunity they had in spite of what she’d crafted them into. They didn’t want to watch Ted become a monster again, didn’t ever want to have to consider if they could pull their wand faster than they could pull their gun.

But it was difficult not to consider, not when Ted had clearly been living in the past up until now, when their actions and their words proved as much, especially on the subject currently at hand… They thought back to when they had finally read the article (in a more coherent fashion than when they had originally done so, swimming in their sadness and pain and about two bottles of firewhiskey). It had gutted them, had plunged them back into the same despair they’d felt when they heard about the violence that Ted had committed all those years ago. It seemed clear, by what they said, that their opinions weren’t in keeping with moving forward, with leaving the past behind and trying to build something else in its place… Marlene feared they were already too far gone down a path of bloody revenge… and yet they couldn’t abandon them now, when there was still a chance for something better, however slim.

Reaching out, Marlene tried to extend with their hand their vulnerable heart, tried to show Ted that they were still here for them, and that they were willing to be by their side even if it meant being hurt again. They put their hand on Ted’s gently, the scarred skin velvety soft against theirs, and they considered them with a look that was just as soft as their exposed feelings. “Just know, I’m here for you Teddy,” they said carefully, using the pet name again less instinctively this time, more meaningfully. “Whenever you need me… I don’t want to stand by anymore while the people I love are in pain… So, just promise you’ll come to me, if you need someone… okay?” It was all well and good to make Ted promise, but whether or not they’d actually take their advice or not, there was no way to be sure. “I don’t care how dark it gets… I mean… I’ve been there before.”

Obviously, the energy of the room had shifted considerably after the rather strange outcome of their tea readings. Marlene was both simultaneously happy for Ted for receiving what seemed to be a good omen, and terrified for themself, for the horrors that apparently continued to await them, lurking in every corner of the flat, and in the corner of every room they could think to venture to beyond it. There was a part of them that felt bitter, and exhausted- too exhausted to keep dealing with the same pain again and again. And with the way the weed loosened their tongue just a little bit, let them honestly react to what was happening to them before burdening them again with the real consequences of those feelings, they let a snide comment fall from their lips before they could think better of it.

“Thanks, but you and I both know that’s just what you say to someone whose fortune is bad… You give them the hope that their fate can be changed, even if it’s just a lie.” Their words didn’t catch up to them until they were talking the joint again from Ted’s stilled fingers and taking in a breath of smoke that was large enough to be inadvisable. The smoke burned Marlene’s lungs and brought them suddenly and violently back to trying to breathe as they fought their way out of a burning house. The emotional pain, too, felt like that. As soon as they caught the callous tone they’d used, the complete dismissal of Ted’s words, they realized that it was the most obvious way that they’d changed over the years. The old Marlene never would have spoken like that, like their words were lethal and they no longer cared who might be harmed by them. And of course it was easy to gradually dissociate when they didn’t feel like themself anyway, to just blink in and out of existence. For a moment, they couldn’t see any reason to come back out of the void, but the way their heart strings still tugged at them kept them grounded on the earth in a way little else had.

“I… I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that,” Marlene explained with some guilt tinting the color of their voice. “I’m just… so tired…” It hardly seemed like a decent excuse when they said it out loud, but it was an exhaustion they felt in their soul, one they could never quantify in words, but one they knew Ted felt as well. They only hoped they hadn’t cast any doubt on the reading of their far more auspicious tea with their cruel and careless remark. “I need to learn how to take my own advice, I suppose…” Easier said than done, of course.

Maybe ten years ago their assurances would’ve sounded a lot more convincing, but so much had changed, and they found it impossible to give a show of all of that just now especially talking to Marlene, who understood how much they had changed and why perhaps better than most people. They wished that they still believed that all endings were happy, as well as all beginnings and middles, but they knew better than that now. Now, they knew better than ever that not every fortune was good, that sometimes it wasn’t going to be what you wanted to hear. Still, that didn’t mean there wasn’t a chance. And they hadn’t been lying when they had said those words to them, even if they were hard to believe, even if they didn’t have quite the earnestness behind them that they might’ve ten years ago.

It meant the world to them that Marlene was here now, taking their hand, offering them a friendship they thought they didn’t deserve any longer, despite the risk of pain, the risk of them messing things up again. And they wanted to give them the same. The nickname that slipped from their lips just made Ted even more certain that this had been the right choice, even if it was a hard one to face. “Thank you, Marls, I will, I promise. And I’m here for you, too. I mean it. I’m done hiding from everything just because I’m afraid to face what I’ve done. It’s time to move forward,” they said, voice perhaps a little more solemn than they meant it to come out. But they meant what they said, just as what Marlene had said meant the world to them. Between what they were saying, offering them now, and what Alice had given them, what their tea said, they were starting to feel like maybe having a bit of hope was alright. Maybe things could change, could move forward despite all of the darkness they had all be though in the past. Still, they knew that to do that, they were going to need to finish off the task that was in front of them. They couldn’t truly let go until the last tangible piece of the puzzle was taken care of, and that was going to be sooner rather than later if they had their way.

There were a dozen other things that they could’ve focused on besides Crouch, a dozen other excuses they could have given to continue living in the past, staying bitter and angry at what had happened, and they knew it would be a tempting thing to do just that, even once Crouch was out of the picture. If Alice hadn’t given them so much, if she hadn’t started the little spark, the desire to start thinking ahead instead of behind, then Ted was certain they would have done just that. But now? Now they weren’t so sure. There were some things about themself that they couldn’t change now. Azkaban had done too much, being abandoned by the mother of their child had done too much, but maybe it was possible to let go of some of that hatred, if they let themself be helped. The real problem was that they weren’t certain Lily would allow that to happen. Their job didn’t stop with Crouch, it wasn’t over as soon as their own personal revenge was extracted. But that wasn’t a thought for now.

For now, they would allow themself to live in the moment, to have that tiny bit of hope. And to give some of that to Marlene, if they could. It didn’t feel fair that they were here finally thinking that they might be capable of even an ounce of the love they had been before, when Marlene was hurting so badly still, when they were facing a cup of tea that seemed so grim it was hard not to look at all of the bad omens instead of what it could mean. They could understand their dismissal of the interpretation they offered. Hell, they were pretty certain if that had been what their cup had shown them, they would have had the same response. It was all too fair to have that reaction, after so many years of having those memories brought back to life over and over again, constant reminders. It was no wonder it felt impossible to move forward, when this was what they were greeted with.

Marlene’s apology was unnecessary, though. There wasn’t much that got to them the same way as it would have ten years ago, and certainly not this. Perhaps they got angrier more easily now, perhaps they moved between complete detachment and over-emotionality at alarming rates, but this was founded, for once they could see someone else’s side of things, and they understood. They just wished they could offer Marlene some of the peace they were striving for themself. But it had been so long since they had genuinely given such care that it was hard now. All they could do was take their hand in theirs, and give it a comforting squeeze.

“No need for apologies, you know I understand. But you know it’s true. Nothing is ever certain with readings. Sybill would say the same thing to you. And eve if it was a bad omen, they would also remind you that the future isn’t set in stone, and that it’s up to us to change a path if we don’t like what we see. And I’ll be here to help you do that, okay?” Ted said. It was a big promise, one they weren’t sure they could keep. But they wanted to try, and that was more than they had wanted in years. “And listen, if I took my own advice, my life wouldn’t be the mess it is today. If you learn how to take your own advice, let me in on your secret, because I could use it too.”

Sybill tried to balance between curiosity and genuine worry. It had always been a problem for them, but lately the problem seemed to exacerbate. It wasn’t enough that they could learn about someone’s future, that often someone would allow them to look so far; Sybill wanted to learn as much as they could about the person asking them do so. It wasn’t enough to know what was lying in their path, Sybill needed to know why they would stumble upon it in the first place. Why were people making the decision they made? And what were they doing exactly that would lead them onto the path Sybill saw? Now that they were obsessing more than ever over the relation between the present actions and their future outcomes, they found themself scrutinising other people’s motives and actions. But it was one thing to pick apart a stranger’s life, and completely another to do this to a friend.

But try though they might, they couldn’t help but analyse Ted’s tone as they uttered their wife’s name. There were layers of emotions to it, a twisted, ever-changing thing. At least Sybill was right about this: whatever Ted said, they still cared about her to some extent. Perhaps it was impossible for them to forget about Andromeda completely, even after all this time, but at least they weren’t fooling themself that she would come back. Sybill was glad about that. There was nothing worse than a false hope you could cultivate. “That’s good,” Sybill said. “I mean, it’s good you’re not only waiting around for her.”

They listened to Ted’s explanation intently, a small smile blooming on their face. For years now they wished better times would finally come Ted’s way, that their life could use a bit more sunshine. They deserved it. And here it was, possibly, hopefully. Sybill’s gaze softened slightly, hearing the hesitancy and vulnerability in Ted’s voice. Of cours, nothing of importance could be easily earned, Sybill knew that. And as much as they wished, they could do something to help their friend, in reality there was nothing to be done outright. Some things had to unfold on their own, and the most a seer could do was to nudge everything around it to form a straight path. Or as straight as it could get.

“But what you’re talking about doesn’t sound like an ending at all,” they countered, still smiling. “It’s a beginning and who is to say it can’t be a happy one? I think you’re right to say you can’t have what you had before. So much has changed for you, for Alice, for the world around you, but,” they leaned forward and gently placed their hand over Ted’s, “it doesn’t mean you can’t build something new with her. You’ve already built a new life for yourself, you’re capable of that. I’m sure you can take what you have with Alice now and make something beautiful from it.”

Sybill had a good point, but it also reminded them of another factor in this whole situation. Frank. Alice had said that Frank would’ve wanted them to try to build some sort of relationship again, and they had agreed, but they had to wonder if it was wrong of them to want any of this sort of happiness with Alice, when he couldn’t have it anymore. It felt selfish. But that was a thought to wrestle with later, after they had started to come to terms with what the past with Andromeda meant for the potential future with Alice.“There’s no point into kidding myself into thinking that she might come back. In all honesty, I’m not sure what I’d do if she did. That betrayal cuts to deep. It hurts enough that she abandoned me and Alice and Frank, but she abandoned her child. How could I ever forgive her for that?” Ted said, the frown clear on their face. “I can’t wait for her, when she didn’t want any of us in the first place.”

They let out a sigh. Over the years, they had gotten very good at talking about Andromeda casually without letting any emotions creep into their words; part of that had to have been all of the memories of her they had lost at the hands of the Dementors. It was too impossible not for her to come up naturally in conversation, anyway, especially when it came to people asking about Dora, or things in the past, while they were all still happy, before everything fell apart. But this was different. Thinking of her now, especially in relation to what had happened between them and Alice, and what they were starting to feel again, it brought up a lot of feelings they weren’t quite ready to conquer.

It was all tied up directly in the relationship they were starting to build again with Alice. Because Sybill was right, of course, it was a beginning. A new beginning for both of them, even if it was borne out of a love they had shared ten years ago, with two other people involved. Too much hand changed for it to be the same, but it didn’t have to mean this was the ending to something. Sybill’s words brought them hope in the midst of a strange mixture of feelings they didn’t know how to take. Maybe a part of it was that they felt like they didn’t deserve to hope for something good to come out of this. Moody’s words echoed in their head, that Alice didn’t deserve any more pain from them, and he was right. But they were convinced that they could be better for her this time, in whatever way that ended up being.

The hand over theirs made them feel like it was possible, even if they had no idea how. Everything was just so complicated, but even the little bit of encouragement from Sybill was helpful in recognizing that not everything had to be as painful as the rest of their life had made it seem. It could be a beginning. But that thought was nearly as terrifying as wondering if they were even capable of that kind of love still in the first place. “Thank you, Sybill. I guess I’m just worried that I’m not capable of building anything good anymore. Seems like no one wants me to even try to build something good. But I miss having that happiness, that hope. And I think we gave each other a little taste of that again when we were together. It’s just hard to know where to start.”

She had been hoping for a kiss, but she hadn’t been waiting for one. Since the moment she had opened her eyes and found herself so close to them, her body on top of theirs and their legs tangles, she had been invaded by an overwhelming desire for this to happen. Perhaps that had been the reasons she hadn’t moved, that she had instead woken them up so tenderly. Nonetheless, Alice hadn’t really seen this coming. She never thought they were actually going to go for it - so casually, and sleepy, as if they hadn’t spent all night trying desperately to avoid this same situation. Now the barriers were crossed, though, and she wasn’t sure how to proceed. It seemed ridiculous if she was being honest. It hadn’t really been a passionate kiss, only a brief gesture of tenderness. Maybe it hadn’t meant anything, perhaps it had been just a reflex, something brought about by the situation of them waking up together like old times. 

It didn’t feel like that though. It felt like Ted was opening a door they had both agreed on keeping close last night. And yet, Alice wanted to cross it so bad. She was unsure how to. She had, after all, been the one to propose to be friends. However, something told her they were way past friendship right here and now. “I missed it too. Thank you for last night.”, she replied, her voice low as theirs was. Making practically no effort, she leaned in as they had done and brushed her lips against theirs. It was a gentle thing, and she shortly pulled back to look at them in the eye - but she didn’t stop there. She blinked a couple of times, and then kissed them again. This time, her mouth was slow but more passionate, her lips parting, her tongue demanding entrance. 

It was dangerous territory, obviously, it was everything she had been trying to avoid since they had done the right thing and avoided her the pain of sleeping with them to escape from everything outside. This wasn’t the same thing - the desire she was feeling now had nothing to do with how she had felt yesterday. She only hoped Ted realised that. 

As soon as they did it, as soon as they said those words, they felt significantly more awake, and they had to wonder if it had been the wrong thing to do, caught in a half-sleepy haze of fondness. But she stayed close to them, and her words told them that it had been the right thing to do, the only thing to do, given where they both were now. Even so, Ted hadn’t been expecting her to lean in again and brush her lips over theirs softly. It felt like they were both in the process of making a very serious choice, one that they were both well aware would change things drastically. This was different than the night before, though, when she had showed up at the doorstep drunk, and kissed them, tried to ask them to take her to bed, a quick release they could forget about in the morning. This was the morning, and everything was a lot less hazy with the bright morning light streaming in through the curtains of the window, the warmth of her body already half covering theirs. They both knew what came next, because they had been here so many times before.

She pulled back and looked at them, the question in her eyes, a question that it seemed they both already knew the answer to, no matter how hard they had both worked the night before not to do just that. Before Ted had a chance to say anything, to do exactly what they were both thinking, she kissed them again. This kiss was unlike the others, though, this kiss was slow, but deeper, lips moving against theirs, tongue pressing forward. And they responded in kind, letting their long forgotten instincts take over. It had been ten years since they had kissed anyone, yet alone like this, and they worried, for a split second, that they weren’t going to be good at it anymore. That didn’t matter, though, because with Alice it all felt so familiar, as if it had only been days since they had been lying in bed together, kissing like this, instead of years. This time, the wave of emotions that rushed over them as they kissed her was accompanied by something else; the desire for her. And that was something they could feel coursing through their body already, like it had been awakened after ten years dormant.

When they pulled back slightly, they hovered near her lips, eyes still closed even as they spoke in a hushed voice. “I don’t want to ruin things,” Ted whispered, voice still thick with sleep. It was clear that there was an unspoken but to the end of that sentence, and it came when they leaned forward, more confidently this time, deepening the kiss, as one hand moved under the sheets to the small of her back, pressing her closer, if that was possible.

The agitation that was clearly visible on Remus’s face, soon softens to something more akin to mild displeasure when he realizes just who had walked up behind him- and spoke to him no less, something he can’t recall the two having ever done if memory served him right. But none of that mattered really. Human interaction wasn’t something he’d exactly perfected in the years with his pack, but hierarchy was something he’d grown all too familiar with. Which meant, that no matter how little he did know about the wix in front of him (besides their own reputation), or how honest they really were about their intentions, they were his superior. 

Unfortunate as that may be. 

“Well, I was never good at knowing what seventeen year olds thought was cool- even when I was seventeen, so I doubt I could be much use to you,” he shrugs, unsure what to say. Normally this would have been the part of the conversation where he would have hightailed it out of there, throwing out a quick ‘good luck with that’ before crawling back into his hole for the evening. But once again the wix’s seniority plays at his better judgement, forcing him to trudge further ahead into unknown waters. 

“Erm, what kind of stuff are they into?”, he asks, although part of him feels the reasoning behind the other’s sudden appearance had little to do with their child. Regardless, he’d never find out if he didn’t at least try to play along and see where this went. “By the amount of crap in here, I’m sure there’s something they’d like.” 

No matter how much has changed in Ted’s life, their ability to read people isn’t part of it, and it’s clear as day that Remus has no desire to actually have a chat with them. He’s staying because he feels like he has to. And maybe if this run in had happened ten years ago, they would’ve graciously bowed out, left Remus to his own devices, letting that obvious discomfort fall away before it got any worse.

But it isn’t ten years ago, and Ted isn’t as concerned with anyone else’s comfort or discomfort due to their presence anymore. They’re too curious to let a little thing like annoyance get in the way of the potential for some insight.

“Neither was I, honestly. All I cared about was divination, weed, and Andromeda, and we know how that went,” they say with a slight laugh, although there is a clear bitterness behind it. When they go on, the bitterness is gone, though, unable to stay when talking about Dora, even in an offhand manner. “They’re very trendy, you know. Into all the grunge, and all the muggle shite that’s popular with young wix right now. So honestly I’m probably looking in the wrong place...”

They glance around, as if only now realizing that they aren’t exactly likely to find anything like that here, in a magical junk shop. Not that it really matters, anyway. It’s not that hard for them to find something that Dora would like, given their similarities. But that’s not really what this is about anymore, is it?

“How have things been going, by the way? I feel like I haven’t heard much coming from your department, but I guess that could be because of the Crouch situation.”

There were a million things Marlene wanted to say in answer to Ted as they apologized and tried to explain, but as each thought occurred to them they all rang hollow. They couldn’t absolve them of their guilt, even if they wanted to. As much as they still loved Ted in the same way they always had, there were certain things they weren’t capable of forgiving… It was made worse by the fact that they understood exactly why Ted had done what they did, that they could see a version of the world they were living in now where they had just as much blood on their own hands. In fact, there were days that Marlene wished they had been given the opportunity, at least, despite the evidence of how it would have changed them to their core sitting just across from them.

“Does it even matter?” they wondered finally, after a long morose pause in which their fingers continued nervously skimming over the tiny flaw in the rim of their teacup. “Whatever led you here, here you are. So… we should just look at this as an opportunity, right? To get to know each other again?” Maybe it wouldn’t be as simple as all that, but if Ted was trying to fix things they felt they had to try as well, if only to make amends for avoiding contact with them all this time. Even if they couldn’t be friends in the same way that they were before, the very fact that they were both here at this moment, sharing the kind of gentle physical affection and comfort that they would have back then, it was enough to make Marlene hope that they could have some form of relationship again. What they weren’t sure of was if hurting each other again was really something they could avoid.

Hearing about Alice coming to them was strangely chilling, somehow. They knew how difficult it must have been for her to face Ted after so long, and after all the pain she’d felt both on their behalf and as a result of their actions. They couldn’t help but wonder what drove her back to them…although after a moment of consideration the answer seemed obvious. Still, it didn’t feel quite right, and it made them worry for her and Ted both. Marlene didn’t want to watch the two of them destroy each other by trying to salvage something between them that couldn’t be what it once was. But it seemed there was some aspect of it that they weren’t seeing, after all Alice wasn’t a child… and this didn’t seem like a decision she would have made lightly.

“Maybe focusing on the past is what’s holding us back,” they said carefully, absentmindedly picking out their own tea rose and letting it plink into their teacup. “Things clearly can’t be like they were before, and maybe that’s the whole point… “ They shrugged halfheartedly, trying not to upset Ted with what they were saying by making it all seemed like a half-formed idea. They picked up the teapot and poured a measure of hot water into each of their cups, setting it aside again and trying not to watch too intently for the flowers to bloom. 

“Maybe we have to concentrate on moving forward instead… on building something new from the ashes of our old lives…” They offered a weak smile, turning the situation onto themself to hopefully relieve some of the pressure that must be on Ted, especially now that the past had come back to rear it’s ugly head. Luckily, they didn’t have long for the tea to begin brewing, which provided a distraction, although it remained to be seen if it would be a welcome one or not…

Ted’s flower began to unfurl first, and as it did so Marlene had to suppress a visceral reaction as they watched the glass cup begin to cloud blood red. It was disturbing to watch, for a moment, the color bringing to mind so many unpleasant thoughts and sensations- they felt almost as if they could hear screaming, or smell-taste a sanguine iron tang in the air. Their skin began to burn in the worst way, making them wish for a moment that they could crawl out of it and into something that didn’t hurt so much. And then suddenly, there was something else appearing through the opaque liquid, something shimmering like a hidden treasure. They couldn’t tear their eyes away from it, and it somehow calmed the pounding of their heart as they saw the flower within emerge from the sea of red a brilliant golden color. By the time it was done, the crimson tea swirled with metallic gold, and Marlene couldn’t help but smile slightly in relief. 

“Chinese Fireball tea,” they laughed. The moment of calm was temporary though, as their own tea began to bloom, the shadow of it swirling in their cup catching their attention. It seeped out grey like smoke and seemed to blacken as it steeped, until it resembled tar more than it did tea. Marlene was clearly horrified, but only more so as the black surface stilled and gleamed at them, teasing a vision just beneath. Despite their better judgement, they let it take them under, and as if responding to them, the liquid began to tremble. It wasn’t long before it began to rattle on the table top; and then with a crack it split the cup in half, the liquid seeming to come alive as it spilled over the edge of the table into their lap, scalding them. It was only as Marlene went to scream and no sound emerged from their lips that they were snapped suddenly back into reality. They were still in their seat, the tea cup still intact, and the black tea still smooth and undisturbed within it.

Hand shaking, Marlene fished for the flower in their own tea with a spoon only to find that it had dissolved completely as if it had been ash. It all made a stone of dread solidify in their stomach, mostly because they had absolutely no idea how to interpret what they’d seen, and to be honest they were a bit freaked out to hear Ted’s explanation for it as well. They set the spoon aside and did the only thing they could think to- they lifted the cup to their mouth for a drink, hand trembling twice as much. They only half expected poison when they tasted it, but the mouthful they got was terribly bittersweet, like fruit syrup.

“Blackberry Treacle tea…” they said after they swallowed and set the tea down again. Wordlessly, they reached out to take the joint from between Ted’s fingers and pressed it to their lips for a particularly long inhale, unsure how else to process what had just happened. The anxiety was written on their features as clearly as the simple black line tattoos that stood out from their skin, and they were obviously rattled by the omen in a way that had completely stopped them from processing anything else, including their previous line of conversation.

“Well that’s…. Huh…” They exhaled shakily and then hit it again before handing it back over without tearing their eyes from the teacup.

“You’re right, I know you’re right. This is a chance for something new, isn’t it? And living in the past is just going to bring more pain for us. We all have to find a way to move forward, whatever the hell that means. It’s just so difficult when there are constant reminders of the pain and the loss. I know you understand that,” they said, a little sigh to their voice. Marlene knew that better than them, it felt like, but they were glad that they would understand. “But guess that’s what it’s all about. We’ve got to try anyway.”

The hardest part of that, to them, was that they were so genuinely convinced that they had no future that it felt impossible to do anything other than live in the past, go over those mistakes over and over again. They had done too much, made too many mistakes to give themself a long, happy life. People like them didn’t live to see fifty. They expected a few more years, if that, before something changed and the Ministry decided there was no place for a murderer but back in Azkaban. And that was if a naysayer didn’t manage to get to them first, and give them a taste of their own justice. But they had to try, didn’t they? If there was one thing that being with Alice again had assured them, it was that it was worth it to try, even just for a taste of that happiness again, no matter how long it lasted this time. 

They were pulled out of their thoughts, though, as Marlene poured the water over their roses. They could feel their stomach drop as they watched their rose unfurl, the water starting to turn an unsettling blood red that brought back too many images of death and destruction to the front of their mind. Just seeing that made them feel like maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe they shouldn’t have sought them out to talk, maybe they shouldn’t have allowed what had happened with Alice to happen. It felt like a sign that the answer to the question that had been on the top of their mind since Alice showed up at their door––am I even capable of anything other than pain anymore, am I capable of love––was a resounding no. All that was in their future was more death and destruction, more pain and suffering by their own hand, destroying their lives of the people they loved all over again. It felt a lot like the walls were closing in around them, that they needed to leave now, or they might do just what the leaves were predicting.

But then it changed, quickly as it had started; a brilliant golden flower emerging from the blood red tea. It was a reminder of just how much this sort of thing still meant to them, how much store they took in divination arts, considering the relief that washed over them when they saw that. Not just relief, but hope. It was a hope that maybe they could have some of that still deep down, hidden beneath the veneer of blood and death. Honey and thorns all in one. Maybe they were still capable of the love they had feared they had lost somewhere along the way. They fished the rose out of the cup with a spoon, and put it on the saucer, already having decided that they were going to take it with them when they left, given how much something so small meant to them now.

Their relief lasted only a moment, though, as they looked at Marlene’s tea, watching the liquid within their cup turn a dark, dangerous black, ash and smoke. It was just as jarring as it had been to see their own tea turn blood red, and unfortunately in their mind it made just as much sense. What had Marlene dealt with over and over again if not the smoke and ashes of destruction? It was cruel to see something like that in their tea, and it worried them, made Ted wonder if it was an omen for more to come. It wasn’t fair, the last thing they deserved was more pain, after everything they had dealt with already.

For a split second, Ted was tempted to tell Marlene not to drink it, almost expecting some sort of poison instead of tea, given what they were both seeing. But they brought the cup to their lips before they could say anything, and nothing more happened. It was nearly a shock to them, really, considering the thoughts that were running through their mind. They had a feeling Marlene was thinking much of the same.

They passed off the joint gladly, considering what had just surfaced in Marlene’s tea, and automatically went to take a sip of their own, if only to have a reason not to have to get into what that might mean quite yet. The cinnamon and clove, light notes of orange, that would have been pleasant felt too sweet, somehow, given what they were looking at. It felt too obvious, and too cruel, really, considering everything Marlene had already been through. And they both sat looking at it in silence for what felt like a small eternity. When Marlene finally spoke again, voice shaking slightly, the anxiety written all over their face so clearly, Ted wanted nothing more than to offer them some sort of reassurance, but they were having trouble finding any. Accepting the joint, they reflected for a moment, on the possibilities of that black, ominous tea. They took a long hit before speaking again.

“Not all omens mean the obvious,” Ted said, voice soft, a little somber. The words were meant to comfort, but they were also something that they believed wholeheartedly when it came to any sort of interpretive divination, which was most. Signs were rarely clear, and people more skilled at the art than even them had fallen victim to focusing on one interpretation and ignoring the other possibilities. It was just as possible for a sign to say something about useful as it was stating the obvious. “This could be a symbol of the past, just as much as a symbol of the future. A reminder of what you were just saying, maybe? That we need to move forward, build something from the ashes of our old lives...”

Alice smiled, and nodded more to herself than to them. Even after all these years, Ted still knew what to say to make her feel a little bit better. They were right, too. There were people at Hogwarts looking out for Neville, who cared about him and would do anything for him not to be hurt. She was always going to be worried, obviously, but she needed to pull herself together. “I know. Out of everyone, I think Dora is the one I trust the most. They would do anything for Neville. I hope they don’t end up hexing any first years or something.” She chuckled softly, but they both knew that wasn’t beyond Nymphadora when it came to look after Alice’s son. As the pancakes poured themselves magically into the heating pan, the hand that had squeezed Ted’s travelled up to their shoulder until she fully embraced them. It was different this time; there were no tears, and she wasn’t being impulsive. She wanted to thank them, but she had also felt the urgent need to be close to them once more. Wrapping her arms around them, she buried her head in their chest and stayed there for a second. 

“Thank you.”, she murmured, looking up at them. “I know you don’t think very high of yourself right now, but I need you to know you’re making a difference here, and I missed us looking after each other.” Maybe she was stepping a line, or even oversharing, but they were past that now. She needed them to know how important this whole thing had been to her, and how much they had helped even though they didn’t believe they had. Their next words made her smile widen. Once again, they had a point. Neville did need the chance to be a kid. He had to realise things didn’t have to be sad all the time, that he could have fun without feeling guilty about not sharing those moments with his dad. Perhaps that went for Alice as well. She also needed to learn how to create new memories with people without her mind wandering constantly to Frank, and to how he would be feeling. It was a painful though, but a necessary one. In that moment she understood what Augusta meant when she told her she needed to move on. 

It wasn’t about forgetting Frank, she was never going to do that. Her husband, the father of her child, was always going to be irreplaceable in her heart. However, she needed to give herself and Neville the opportunity to be happy again. This was a first step. Even if she never became anything more than friends with Ted, she was glad they were going to try and be close again, to build their weird family back up. Knowing Dora and Neville, they were going to be glad about it as well. “Yes, I agree. We can figure things out. We could- you know, spend Christmas together if you want. With your parents and Frank’s mum too. I know Augusta would love to see you and Dora again. We can hand make presents to each other like we used to. Maybe I could bake Dora that cake they like so much?” Her hug became a little tighter. “We’ll make it work, right?” 

They wanted new memories too, and that confession almost brought her to tears once again. She managed to collect herself though, but she couldn’t help but place her hand on their cheek one more time. Like before, her fingers pushed their hair back as she smiled, and lovingly traced a line from their forehead to their jaw. Tentatively, almost shyly, her fingertip travelled to their bottom lip, trailing it softly. She shouldn’t be doing it, she knew that, but if they were going to be just friends she at least had to allow herself a little slip up before things went back to normal. “New memories it is.”, she finally said, pulling back and going to fetch the pancakes.  

“I know he is.”, she said, voice firm even though a small sigh followed. She didn’t doubt that about Neville. That child had gone through so much pain and heartbreak, much more than anyone should at his age. Alice herself sometimes didn’t understand how he had managed to remain so high spirited, and she liked to believe maybe she had a small part of responsibility when it came to that. However, things were different now that he was alone at school. She knew she wouldn’t be able to protect him for every single evil. He had to learn how to stand up for himself - and with parents like her and Frank, and someone like Alastor Moody in his life, she was sure that was going to be no problem - but that wasn’t enough to shake off the feeling of uncertainty every time she started thinking he could be in danger, or feeling hopeless, and she wasn’t there to comfort him. She usually had this kind of conversations with Augusta, and no one else - but talking to Ted was such a breath of fresh air, to share there worries with someone else who not only understood her, but her and Neville enough to really comprehend what she was going through. 

“But he won’t always be strong. Even the toughest person has their moments of weakness and he’s just a child. What happens if someone tells him something? Or worse, if a teacher dares to say anything.” She pursed her lips, staying quiet for a second. “You know Snape’s working there. I know he wouldn’t be capable of hurting him, and Minerva wouldn’t let him, but he’s a teacher, and Nev is only a first year.” Alice shook her head, trying to calm down her own mind. “I’m being ridiculous, I know. And I’m overreacting. I just don’t want this whole Crouch shit to affect him. He’s been through enough. No child should be visiting his father at the hospital every week, begging for him to wake up Ted. That’s not how his childhood should be. I just don’t want it to get even more messed up that it already is.” Talking about Frank and about her fears like this, with such intensity and honesty, wasn’t something she was used to doing anymore. Ted made her feel safe enough to do it, though, despite everything that had happened. The truth was she felt the same way as they did; she wouldn’t share this with anyone else, and she knew they realised that. 

Even after she moved away and started fetching the stuff for the pancakes, she could steel feel the electricity running through her fingertips desperately pulling her to them. Alice had thought that staying a few feet away would lower the risk of her wanting to just eliminate the space between them and devouring their lips once and for all; she had been wrong. The desire was building up now and nothing seemed to be able to stop it. Nothing but her own mind, she told herself. She couldn’t let her need for them rule her actions, she needed to pull herself together and stick to her word of being friends. That was what she had offered, and she had to respect it, as difficult as it was right now. 

When she had told them the pancakes weren’t going to make themselves, that had been a little lie. They preferred the muggle way to do things, as much as she kept using magic for everything. It only took her a few flicks of her wand to have all the ingredients mixing by themselves, while the fire was already lit and waiting for the mix to be poured. They had always cooked like that together, magic and muggle intertwining. It could be called a good coexistence, Alice believed. If only everything was a simple as that, and not as rushed and filled with bitterness as Lily Evans had made it to be. She knew this wasn’t the time to bring that up though. There was going to be a moment to try and talk to Ted about how fucked up Lily’s vision was, but this was not it; especially after their next words. She didn’t need them to finish the sentence to realise what they were thinking, so she offered them a fond smile and once again walked up to them, taking their hand for a second and giving it an affectionate squeeze. “It does feel a bit like old times, yes. We can make new memories now. It’s what Frank would have wanted.”

Ted understood that little sigh she let out as she agreed with them in Neville’s case. They could understand it perfectly, even without words, because they had shared the same sort of sighs a dozen times over with Andromeda, with their parents, when talking about Dora. It was so easy to fall into these patterns, confessing worries about their kids together, figuring the whole parenting thing out still even after so long for both of them. They were glad that they could have this again. It was one of the many things they hadn’t realized they had been aching for all this time. And it sounded like maybe she needed it, too. And right now, they could tell she needed a bit of reassurance, even if that wasn’t what she was looking for. “He’s got people looking out for him, Allie. He’s not alone up there. Like you said, Minerva would never let anyone step a toe out of line when it comes to Neville, and honestly I doubt half the kids even put two and two together. They’re too busy worrying about Potions exams and collecting chocolate frog cards. And he’s got Dora looking out for him, too,” they said, with a nod. That was very true, to the point where they were fairly certain Dora would be willing to do something that would get them expelled if it meant standing up for Neville. Killing two birds with one stone, to them.

They knew Alice was right, though, no matter how much they tried to reassure her. Neville was a strong kid, but even strong kids were affected by things out in the world, and Neville had already dealt with more in his short life than many faced in ninety years. It wasn’t fair to Ted. He didn’t deserve a single second of the pain he had gotten; to grow up without knowing his father, only able to sit in the hospital and talk to him, hoping that one day things might change, but knowing they likely wouldn’t. Not to mention everything now. If they had been thinking clearing in that moment that the reporter had bombarded them coming out of the Ministry, they would’ve told them to leave the Longbottoms out of the article, to give Alice and Neville even an ounce of privacy now, when they had already dealt with so much. “Hey, you’re not being ridiculous. Everything you’re worried about is valid. But it’s going to be alright,” they said, voice serious. They wanted to give her some confirmation that the Crouch mess would be over soon, that they would make certain it was, but they knew that likely wouldn’t be a comfort to her, given how they were going to take care of the problem. Instead, their thoughts were of the image of Neville and Alice visiting Frank, talking to him, begging him to wake up. The very thought nearly brought the tears back to their eyes, but they held fast. “Neville needs the chance to be a kid. It’s almost winter holiday; why don’t we figure out some things you can do with him to make everything feel a little more normal, whatever the hell normal is? I can help, if you want. Even the little things can make it all seem more bearable.”

And wasn’t that the truth? This was proof of that. The world felt infinitely more bearable with Alice there in the kitchen with them, magicking the pancake ingredients together, as they finished off the tea the muggle way. More than bearable, really, they felt a spark of hope, which was something they hadn’t felt in a long, long time. When Alice had shown up at the doorstep, drunk and looking for nothing but a quick release, their heart had felt heavier than it had even hearing about Crouch’s capture. But now? Now it felt like nothing at all, light, despite the weight of everything around them, despite the complications that they were certainly going to face attempting any sort of closeness again. Alice was hope, for them, and they wanted to give her even just a little sliver of what she was giving them, if they could. Ted hoped that suggesting she stay, suggesting that they fall asleep in each others’ arms like they used to, all those years ago, might offer that little bit of comfort that she had been unintentionally searching for when she had come to their door. And they were realizing that it might just help them feel a little more human too.

Before they knew it, Alice was close to them again, taking their hand in her own. A wave of fondness washed over them as they looked down at her, a perfect memory flooding back to the front of their mind, a memory they had thought they lost to the Dementors. The first time Alice had taken their hand without them making the first move. They had been out in Frank’s garden at the exact perfect moment to see his ivy bloom the spectacular flowers, the flowers that they had tattooed on their shoulder for Alice, the flowers that were also in bloom the first time they had kissed. In that moment, they hadn’t been able to put into words just how happy they were, how much the warmth of her hand meant to them. And this moment felt a lot like that. “It is. And it’s what I want too,” they said, a small, but genuine smile slipping over their lips. 

The veiled threat woven into the wix’s words does not pass Alastor by unnoticed, or even surprise him for that matter. This had appeared to be the game the two had gotten themselves entrapped in with each other, neither particularly caring for the other, and neither really able to do much about that fact considering their positions. There will be a day when his former glory can no longer save him, when hiding in plain sight will no longer be a viable option, and he has become all too aware of that fact- especially as yet another trial sits on the horizon. But oddly he thinks he may be finally ready for that. This last year has tested him more than he realized was possibly, causing him to question just how far he was able to go to keep up this charade of his. The world was changing, and he knew it was only a matter of time before it saw no more use of him, just like it had so many before him. 

“And I intend to keep it that way,” he promises, finishing off the last bit of his cigarillo before flicking it out onto the street before them.  Looking back towards Ted he gives them a pointed look, only adding fuel to the suspicion he could sense dwelling in their gaze. And to hell with it if they do suspect him, Alastor thinks to himself, let them watch him like he had done to so many others. Let them try to entrap him in his own web of secrets and lies. If they wanted to start this fight with him, then so be it. He was more than ready to finally get this over with. 

Pulling out the tarnished pocket watch he kept in his pant pocket, Alastor flips open the lid to signal to the wix their little run-in was nearly over with- at least for now anyway. Based off of how things had went, he highly doubted this would be the last of their little “conversations”, and for the first time he actually found himself looking forward to the next. Giving them a faint smile, he grips onto his staff and turns to leave them, but just before he does he places his hand on their shoulder. Now facing opposite directions, Alastor tightens his hold on them, and leans in close enough so that they can hear him whisper lowly, 

“I’ve been fighting for what is right most of my life, and you can trust me to do the same now more than ever.” Punctuating his last words with a quick but firm squeeze of the shoulder, he flashes them a small smirk. 

“Have a good day, High Justice,” he replies casually, acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary as he releases them from his grip and begins to walk away, “Say hello to Lily for me.” 

The grip on their shoulder felt very sinister to them, just as much of a threat as what they had said to him moments before. It was impossible not to feel intimidated by the gesture, especially as he leaned in closer to them to speak more quietly. Only they knew full well that there was no way he could follow through on any of that without risking serious consequences. Of course, there was the possibility that he was willing to take the risk, that it was possible to push him over the edge to the point of foolish mistakes. This was Alastor Moody, though, and foolish mistakes didn’t come to mind when that name was spoken. 

The words he spoke made them wonder if that was the case any longer, though. If he was searching for a fight, then they could gladly give it to him, only with no promise of fairness at all, considering their position.

It was apparent that he was leaving the implication of his words up to them to work out, which felt very dangerous indeed considering the way Ted chose to take them. It sounded to them as if he was implying that he wasn’t exactly keen on what was happening in the Ministry at the moment, that he didn’t believe it was the right side of things anymore. Words like those were verging on treacherous coming from a pureblood who had somehow skated by so easily without ever having to offer any kind of penance.

“I’m sure we’ll speak again soon,” they said flatly, even as Moody turned to walk away. Maybe he was getting restless, and that’s why he was being so reckless, as calculated as the move probably was coming from him. But it sounded too much like he was implying something that sounded decidedly revolutionary to them, and they couldn’t take that lightly, given their own position.

 Say hello to Lily, indeed. They had a few things they were interested in telling Lily after this little conversation with him, and they had a feeling she would be interested in all of them.

It sounded a whole lot like old times, planning a dinner all together, Dora introducing them to their friend, or girlfriend - who knew by now? But the truth was that during the time Ted had been away, she had become kind of like a mother to them. It was strange, because she was definitely not prepared to take care of a child that age, and Dora - as lovely and amazing as they were - had proven a challenge more than a couple of times. And yet, she had made it work, together with Ted’s parents they had taken care of them, they had been there for them and supported them and tried their best. Alice was proud. Even though sometimes she feared that they were a little too enthusiastic about what Ted did, about the kind of world they were trying to shape, she was proud, and she was glad that Neville considered them a sibling too. So her smile turned even fonder if that was possible at their words, and she nodded enthusiastically. “I’d love that! Dinner sounds fantastic. I could bring Neville. They told me in their letter that they’re keeping an eye on him, you know? And apparently he’s doing more than all right.” She shrugged. “I was a little worried, being his first year, so much time away from me and all. I swear I felt my heart breaking when he got on that train.”

She didn’t really know where this sudden honesty was coming from, but Ted was a father too, and she if there was something she knew for sure, was that they loved Dora with all their heart - so they were going to be able to understand her. “I know it does. And it means a lot to me as well that you let me share all of this with them.” Alice smiled, and one of her hands moved to their shoulder now, and then to their jawline, cupping their cheek, travelling up and pushing their hair back. It was a tender gesture, one they hadn’t had with them in ten years, and she had missed it so much it almost ached inside of her. It also made the temptation of kissing them even stronger, close to impossible to resist. Her eyes went to their lips once again, and this time they stayed there for a moment longer. What was going to happen if she dared to do it? They were most likely going to forget all about tea and pancakes and practically tumble into bed together, lost in each other, desperate for the release they both craved so much. Or perhaps they wouldn’t even wait, and they would have her right there, on the kitchen counter, like they had done so many times before in the past.

Again, it was a dangerous though, and one she knew she needed to avoid quickly. Still, as much as she thought what they were offering was a disastrous idea that would probably confuse them even more, she couldn’t help but smile. How could she deny them, when she had been the one to come look for refuge in their arms? When she still wanted it, she needed it? Something in the back of her mind was begging for her to say yes, to prove to them that what they had back then wasn’t too far gone, that them weren’t too far gone, that they were capable of love again. 

“Don’t worry. I know you don’t have any ulterior motives, Tonks. After all, we could be naked right now and you decided to act like a decent person.”, she joked. “Staying sounds lovely.” Her hand was still on their cheek, and she found herself looking into their eyes, trying to find that love, that old look of affection. And the best, or perhaps the worst part, is that it was there. They seemed tired, and hopeless, but the tenderness was definitely there, and it was all consuming. Slowly, she slid off the counter only to remain standing in front of them for a moment, unintentionally pinned against the counter. Now more than before it was evident the way their bodies pressed against each other, filled with so much repressed desire. “I…”, she started, but the words got stuck in her throat as she glanced at their lips yet once more. There was something magnetic pulling her to them, and she was finding it harder and harder to resist. “I should go get everything then. Pancakes are not going to cook by themselves.” With a little smile, perhaps some regret in her voice, she moved away from them, going to the fridge to grab the ingredients. 

“That sounds perfect. We’ll make it happen,” they said with a smile, a genuine smile, back at her. Even just being able to suggest something like that, something that seemed as simple as a dinner, made them feel lighter than they had in years. Nothing was going to be the same, that was impossible after everything, but even just knowing that there was a possibility of getting some of that back, in a different way, was heartening. Maybe they could be a little more like a family again. Alice had always been like a mother to Dora, after all, especially in Ted’s absence, and it made them glad to even consider the possibility of them feeling less like stoic exes passing off a child, when she came around to see Dora, and more like a family. And being able to talk to her about being a parent was something else they hadn’t realized they missed. But her confession of worry over Neville just made that clearer, too. 

“He’s strong, from what Dora tells me. He’s got yours and Frank’s blood after all, he’ll be more than alright. But I know that feeling well. It’s hard to watch them grow up, to have to start letting them go, even just a little bit,” Ted said, voice softer as they looked at her. They knew that better than they wanted to think about. Their thoughts went momentarily to the night they had dropped Dora off at their parents’ house, thinking that that would be the last time they ever saw their child again, but having to force themself to say goodbye away, knowing that it was for the best for them to let them go. It was too painful to think of, really, and of course Azkaban had left that memory in tact, as clear as day. “I wouldn’t want to share it with anyone else,” they muttered, a quiet confession that they worried might be too much, for the time that had passed since they had been so honest with one another. But it was true. They were infinitely grateful to have known that Alice was there for Dora when they couldn’t be.

Her hand suddenly moving up to their jaw, to their cheek, and then to their hair, brushing it back off of their forehead fondly, it reminded them just how much they had missed her, had missed the tender but casual contact they had shared before. Ted had always been a very physical being, always someone who enjoyed showing love and affection through touches, even in platonic relationships. Andromeda had never been quite as casually physical as they were, because of her very different upbringing, and so Ted had ended up giving a lot of his casual physical affection to Alice and Frank instead, since they had both always been just as comfortable as they were with it. They had missed being touched by someone else with such obvious care. It made them want to kiss her even more, if that was possible, and they could tell she was thinking the same, by the way her eyes kept lingering on their lips. Part of them had been expecting her to reject the offer, or maybe part of them had been hoping that she would, knowing that it was only going to make the temptation greater, that it would make all of this harder to deal with. But her showing up at their door, her kissing them again, sharing their feelings, and just being together was making them feel an ache deep in their chest that they knew only being with her might calm. It was something they had been trying to ignore since they had gotten out of Azkaban, a feeling of need and nostalgia, the desire for something they weren’t sure they could have any longer. Now that she was here, though, it was impossible to deny themself that much, even just to be able to hold her again, as they rebuilt a friendship. 

It was a good thing that she moved away from them when she did, because they were more than seriously considering just saying fuck it to the friends thing, and kiss her again. Their bodies were pressed together too close, enough that they could feel a heat building in the pit of their stomach that they hadn’t truly felt in years. “Yeah, pancakes. Good plan...” they breathed, staying in their stop for a second, regaining that self control of theirs. Before they managed to move, though, the kettle started whistling, causing them to jump, bringing them back to the reality of things, of just how complicated this all was, even without mixing in the desire for each other. They busied themself with taking the pot off, and dividing some rose tea between the two mugs they had pulled out earlier. They filled up the mugs and then turned back to Alice. “This is almost like old times. The two of us in the kitchen together, cooking for everyone...” they said with a little fond laugh, but the smile faded a little at the end. Only it’s just us now, was how they were going to finish that sentence, but they stopped themeslf. They were both well aware that that was the case, there was no need to bring up the reminder when they were finally having a moment that even resembled how things had been before, despite just how exhausted they felt now from everything in the world.