with all the fat liberation talk flying around recently it’s really been on my mind. it’s a topic i’ve felt passionate about for years but shockingly have never told yall my story! so i thought i’d share how i ended up here, fat and happy and free!
a little trigger warning i mention abuse and eating disorders below!
i grew up in a poor midwestern family and everyone was fat. my parents, my aunts and uncles, grandparents and cousins and so were my sister and i! i’ve been “fat” for as long as i can remember and let me tell you, i have not always felt so positively about my body.
growing up, in my early years my father and i didn’t have a good relationship. my fatness was a big topic for him. i’d come back from the doctors and my father would make fun of me or talk about how disgusting i was at like age 8! he would laugh at me after trying to get me to do physical activity as “punishment” but would always ask me to do the things he KNEW i couldn’t do like push ups or pull ups, just so he could get a little laugh out of it :(
my mother struggled with her weight young as well, and was heavily bullied because of it. her dad bought her a car when she lost X amount of weight by X amount of time. and was on weight watchers by age 10.. she felt for me, coddled me when my father would get like that but it would always wind up being a conversation on how i needed to change still anyways.
by the time i was in middle school i really hated myself. i was sexually abused around this time and was the skinniest i’ve probably ever been but STILL not skinny enough. i was the fat friend and FELT it during this time in life. we gonna skip over these details bc i was really young and going through a lot but i struggled with my mental health a ton around this time.
high school comes around and i’ve put more weight back on. again i’ve never been skinny but i was abouttttt 240 lbs my freshman year. i felt more confident around this time. i had a lot of friends and we would go out a ton together. i ended up at about 280lbs by my junior year and it was at this point i developed an eating disorder. i won’t go into detail but i ended up losing a lot of weight. i was about 200lbs by my senior year.
once i graduated i ended up having a mental breakdown. was sent to the hospital because of something that happened and that is when i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder! i started taking medication and it’s like my viewpoint on the world and myself changed.
why had i been trying to fit some mold so hard that i’ve never fit into? i’d been making myself crazy thinking and obsessing over my weight and now im here? at this low of a low because of it?
from that day forward i CHOSE to have the confidence i have today. i embedded ts in my brain and said “i honestly don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks” and now i’m literally 400 some pounds and wear bikinis all summer long because UHHHHH im hot and sexy and big and i love that!
i choose to be free and not listen to negativity from others because honestly? i could give two shits.
feederism has been my kink since forever! idk what it is ab a big belly but fuck i just love it! it’s so cute and sexy!
just eat what tastes good and be fucking happy people.
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