Sadness is inevitable

I attempted suicide today. I failed. I panicked and called my friend, to which nearly everyone but my 'boyfriend' and 'best friend' came to help me and make sure I was ok, and to make it so much better? My boyfriend has decided to go to a party instead of coming to see if I'm ok. And yet everyone wonders why I tried to do it.

So I haven't been on here for a long time, I just came back to find over 20 messages from people I have never met before, telling me I'm loved and that their there for me if I need to talk to someone and I just want to say thank you for your concerns and taking time to actually try and help me, I feel over whelmed, I have never been apart of such a caring community. So, to update, things are better now than my last post, I see people, me and my boyfriend are doing ok now and I can get out of the house without forcing myself too much. However before it got better, I sat crying, writing my last letter addressed to my boyfriend, I didn't see a point in writing to others, I love him the most. I held myself down, drinking and smoking away the pain and when it came to it, I could not do. I don't understand why, I just stared at my arms and I couldn't move my hands almost as if I was restrained. I told my best friend about this to which she hit me as we do and I am debating to tell my boyfriend... Once again, thank you to those who cared enough to message me, I don't even have that many followers and to have so many people care for at least a split second baffles me completely. Thank you ❤️

My boyfriend never replies to my messages, he doesn't want to see me, my friends ignore me, they always go out and never invite me, my mum looks straight through me when she talks, she never lets me talk anymore, my dad has never paid me any attention, my brother doesn't stay in the house for more than an hour and doesn't talk to me. I'm not needed, nobody wants me. I feel stupid and useless. I am ready to accept fate. My time is set. I wont fail.