"Summon ketamine ape is a banned spell" fuck it fine whatever, I summon a normal gorilla. I summon some ketamine.

good god when the mr clean magic eraser hits the stove......

the panties hit the floor

you know it brother

Cant tell you how many times I rawd*gged my husband after I caught him using a magic eraser to clean the pasta sauce I burned onto the burner like some kind of primordial insect

you know what i wish you would tell me

*packing my suitcase for a 3 day trip* hm, but what if I need my terracotta warriors..

thinking about the “foogoo state” post

HELP I was at the sex shop w a platonic bestie and they asked me who the dude from the christian big boat myth was and I was so blown away that they couldnt remember that *I* couldn't remember and we just stood there surrounded by dildos listing off old bible guy names trying to figure it out like queer kids in a conservative boomer comic

accidentally sent a friend 1kg of starch for her birthday

the dad kept buying it tho. #ally

can you put that thing on a leash?

dude imagine if a hog saw this

wouldn’t be nearly as many mushrooms is all I’m saying

i’m on onion rings right now