>_>

I want him to hold me so hard it hurts,,, that hurt would hurt less than the hollowness I feel without him.

Am I the only one not feeling the Christmas spirit? Doesn't feel like the right time of year to me.

If only he would listen when I told him I loved him.

I want to hear him say he still loves me and wants us to try again, I promise to wait.

So tired, of all of it, everywhere... I just want to sleep it all away... maybe my tooth infection will kill me before it gets worse

I wish I was still worth your time. Worthy of hearing your voice giving nothing but positive feedback, that reassuring voice that makes me feel at home. The amount of time each day spent thinking about you, because its the only thing that matters to me... not hearing back from you, fearing I'll lose you like the others, completely blocked out never to be heard from again... How I miss you, how my dog misses you...I got scared and thought he was dying and you still didnt respond...even when I plan my future, part of it is dedicated to you, no one else will ever hold this place I carry for you. I miss feeling like your body could swallow me up, your hands holding mine, your kisses rubs, bites... every moment.

I miss him every second of every day, distractions do nothing and life has lost it's meaning to me. He hasn't said anything to me in weeks... he must really dislike me. No matter how hard I work on bettering myself, I'll never be enough to him anymore. It breaks me knowing this.

I miss his love more than anything.

Im sure he's trying to push me away and forget about me without "hurting" me but it hurts 1p thousand times more to ignore me... I keep testing as a threat to myself every week before therapy... too bad nothing is helping im only taking 15 pills a day to be a functioning human.