i'm spiderman

“so…i’ve been watching at home and had my suspicions from what i’ve seen of the bar. and coming in here my suspicions were correct…there isn’t enough aviation gin in here. i’ve seen one bottle. aviation gin. it’s available at a retailer near you..”

“i know, i know, i just got here but is it too much to ask for a little welcome party? just kidding, i could do it in my room too but i‘m worried that my new room mates would‘t appreciate that. maybe by the pool or at the bar sounds more safely to let loose.“

@cbbrpstarter

“it is never too much to ask for a welcome party. i wanted a red carpet for my arrival but apparently that wasn’t gonna happen. so anticlimactic if you ask me. but there we go. we had a pool party recently....it was....interesting. i’m down for a redo.” 

has anyone else had some weird dreams since coming here or is it just me and mercury is in retrograde again or something like that ?  the other night i dreamt that leonardo dicaprio invited me for a nice cup of tea in the kitchen, recommending to sweeten it with vinegar. and who can say no to leo, am i right ? well, long story short, i woke up in the kitchen with a cup of black tea sweetened with vinegar in my hands and let me tell you, -100/10, would not recommend. pretty sure big brother was laughing their ass off watching me try that shit.

i had a dream that i turned into an orchid but it was a disfigured one, not a pretty one and no one wanted to put me on display and i ended up wilting away in a cupboard...but honestly i think your leo dream beat that. and the fact that you actually tried your tea like that also gives you bonus points, love that for you! i will be rewatching that clip as soon as i get home. 

so from what i’ve seen of the film before i got here, things haven’t been that spicy. i’m here to change that. prepare for trouble, and make it double, because i’m here now—i’m kidding. stop the presses. i’m gonna lay low and enjoy the pool. don’t worry guys, i won’t be pulling any cassie like moves while i’m here. unless you’re into that kinda thing personally. i just wanna have fun. @cbbrpstarter​

i mean...there was a bit of drama from someone on my end, but i am way over it now and very, very happy for anyone to spice it up in a way that doesn’t get me yelled at in front of everyone. i’m always up for fun and laying by the pool. 

so honestly, the whole lead up to this experience i’ve been questioning…why am i here? and i only have one answer, to party. without trying to sound like that uncool old guy who can’t let go of his youth, i just wanna have a little fun and make an experience out of it. am i in the same boat as everyone else or are we all having different experiences with it?

yes but … i feel like getting under folk is exactly how i ended up in a divorce in the first place. it’s a long, complicated story.. but yes. that. 

nope hemsworth, you can’t leave me at that, i need more details. spill, spill it all. 

…..? that completely went over your head, didn’t it? have you not noticed my activity since yesterday? the boy is mine, better than her, ect? are you kidding me? i’ve been all jealous and you literally didn’t notice? so much for my hard work… no? not now anyways.

i’m gonna reply to this now we’re all over the attitude and feeling better again. in short, no i don’t notice a lot, i thought you were just vibing to it. 

you know what i was thinking? maybe i should get a pair of minnie mouse ears, because apparently you got a thing for disney girls. do you think the producers would give me a pair preferably bedazzled, because i am better obviously and i need to look the part. i could also jam out to “a dream is a wish your heart makes” @thvlland​

disney girls? oh zendaya? i mean i met her after disney so i don’t know if that really counts. but sure, i mean...turn on wise probably not but i mean, if it sounds fun to you then you should do it? anyway...you looking forwards to partying tonight? 

a mattress race? honestly, tom, i think you’ve just become my favorite room-mate. when we figure out the trick to being the fastest, it has to stay our secret, okay? because everyone else will inevitably want in on this dope idea and i’d quite like an advantage when it comes to winning. a voodoo doll? hm. that depends. if you’re treating your lady right, then nope, no voodoo doll. but if you’re not. well, then maybe there is one. you seem like you’d fall into the former category, so i really wouldn’t worry too much about it. you really shouldn’t have doubted. but that’s alright, you’ve apologised now so we can move past it. fine. i’ll wear knee pads, you’ll catch me if i fall. this sounds like a pretty fool proof idea, right?

of course i am, i’m the best roommate around. you’re never gonna get any better than me. oh yeah definitely, it’ll become our mastermind plan. we could make millions off it, or million points in glory when we always beat everyone in mattress races. me too, i love winning. why play to lose you know? well right now i don’t have an official lady so i don’t think anyone can be making a voodoo doll of me....hopefully. thank you very much, i like to think i have a lot of respect for women personally. i shouldn’t have, very very wrong of me. i hope you can forgive me somehow. i’m sure it is, i hope it is anyway. and if not....can’t say i didn’t warn you.

well, now i have this urge to surf my mattress down the stairs. thanks. & do you know what really happens at girls sleepovers now ? they’re witchy. it’s neat. well, you’re a bit of a charmer, aren’t you ? my ego & i thank you greatly, babe. hm. do i not look like i could handle gruelling & hard ? because if that’s the case, i look forward to surprising you.

you should do it, i’ll join you. we can have a mattress race...and then we can try and both be on one and see what works faster. what do you mean by witchy? like they’re gonna make a voodoo doll of me? should i be scared for my life. only a little bit, i don’t think there’s anything wrong with charming anyone every now and then. you’re very welcome, but it’s all the truth so i don’t need to be thanked. i apologise i shouldn’t have doubted your gruelling and hard ability, you definitely seem like you could take it. but okay, okay. let’s do a training session. just make sure to wear knee pads just in case...but i’m sure i’ve got some sort of spidey reflexes to make sure i catch you. 

i’m actually recently divorced, so talking is about all i will be doing to anyone. for now, that is. haha, but no, no one as of yet. although the women here are quite lovely. 

but everyone knows the best way to get over someone is to get under someone, and i can’t see anyone rejecting you. they are aren’t they, very lovely people too. 

i’m obsessed. i imagine this is how mia felt when she first saw genovia in the princess diaries. aw, thanks babes ! iris definitely did all the heavy lifting when it comes to that. you ? nervous ? i wouldn’t have picked that for you. but i do totally get it. if it helps, i found that everyone felt the same way. if you ever decide to go, i’m sure you’d smash it. injury ? i feel like you’re underestimating me a little here. i’m pretty confident i could nail a stunt or two. we’ll see.

yes! but let’s be real the best bit about that whole film is the sleepover scene. i used to think that’s what girls sleepovers were really like and hated how boring guy sleepovers were. you just looked so beautiful, not that it’s hard to make you look beautiful. i know, it’s just something about it. knowing everyone’s gonna be sat there rating you. but thank you very much. well...i’m just saying it’s very gruelling and hard. but i’m still willing to teach you, and pick you up if you fall.

i am now giving myself the role as grillmaster and why you ask? because i don’t see anyone else claiming that role and do i need to remind you people that the grill stands completely unused? what happened to pool parties? you know what, i’m going to crank up the volume on some david guetta and get started on some bbq. you lot disappoint me. summer vibes people! @cbbrpstarter​

if you need any help with it, just let me know. who doesn’t love a good bbq? taking the roll of grillmaster may be a smart move too, i mean who’s gonna want our lead bbq’er to leave? definitely not me. okay, but i’ll tell ya what’s great? a bit of grilled salmon steaks. one of my favourite things ever! 

he shook his head. “naw, lad. me either. it’d be horrid. everyone i know and their brothers would give me absolute shite for it.” he chuckled. he smiled and nodded. “yeah hopefully it stays all good.” he laughed. “well someone will have to humble you.” he nudged him. 

he nodded his head. “agreed. i can just hear the taunts now. that’s why i decided on this one, they’ll still make fun it just hopefully won’t be as bad....fingers crossed.” he laughed. “yeah i hope so, i like the vibe we have right now.” he laughed at that. “i feel like i’m extremely humble already....or at least humble enough.”

oh yeah that’s right. i’ve completely washed that out that you were billie. well, at least you know of the struggles and when you try to justify your sexuality, you get called a homophobe. so you only really pay attention to your arse when you work out? see, i’m more focused on my biceps. i can definitely imagine that working with them would be incredible but the outcome was smashing and i can honestly say that ever since end game, i’ve waited for this type of marvel movie. the series never really caught me. you? babyface? well… if the shoe fits. i would be a little surprised if you actually googled it yourself, but they aren’t precise, though. i think they just assumed based on the view when we wore skinny jeans. exactly, so i don’t really mind if you want to talk girls. thumbs up on madelyn, though. 

yeah, a lot of people forget actually. they forget my whole west end career, which is fine! but yeah, big part of my life. oh definitely, it’s a real struggle a lot of the time. it’s just ridiculous, no one should assume any sort of sexuality on anyone. nah, i do a bit of everything. gotta have strong arms to do the stunts that i do. i tried to do a lot of my own stunts for spiderman. not all of them obviously, but a good part of them. yeah it was a truly honouring experience and i felt so grateful for it, and all the love we received from it. it meant a whole lot to me. yeah, i like the series’s a lot, but marvel hits different in movie form. i can admit it, i’ve got enough confidence in myself to like my babyface. oh no, i just let her rant to me and then tried to forget about it as much as i could. very, very odd. probably! they like to keep an eye for anything they can see. i’ve had it too. well thank you! she’s a really great girl so far, i’m enjoying her company.