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It’s hard right now. I get sad and then think about my life and where I should be where I am and what Choices I should make to change it.

“Reddit advice is like no other” says me.

I’m in need of a hot tub. My self care needs it

Going from no activity to 2x in a day...

How ironic that I am still getting let down as an adult but without an "I promise" attached...

Self worth is not what hurts my depression. Knowing how my brain works and why I get so stressed out is what hurts. Changing the way I think means not caring or letting go of the small things. The things that hurt the things that I know hold me back. I'm not doing so good right now and a cry may help but knowing I may not have a degree my entire life hurts.

So far the let go brought me a wonderful new beginning to let in. He found me sleeping on the floor to Talladega Nights last night

When you have a WELCOME TO THE SHIT SHOW flag. And shit hits the fan. It's possible that the last thing to do is let go.

Never thought that I could feel more alone and more like I'll never have the moments I want to work for.

I just had the worst panic attack to date. Uncontrollable crying, trying to stop, trying to breathe in some CO2 to calm myself down. Didn’t really work well. 5 minutes went by of crying and having a hard time taking in breathe. I don’t know what triggered me. I watched Diagnosis on Netflix at the moment; for some reason I felt it building when I heard people outside even though I knew them I started feeling panicked. I just had a dream about being sexually assaulted last night. I can’t remember if in my dream there was intercourse or if it was just groping. I am going to start to mediate and hopefully get some memory back because I feel that my panics are caused by information that I have that my-self is trying to make me uncover. 

Just had a crying attack because Im stuck in a battle of my parents and my mom expecting my dad to do favors for her when it's not his business. My dad having health problems but he ignores them and does whatever she says anyway. Then I can't talk to her about it and tell her it's wrong because my dad doesn't want the confrontation. I need to get out this is taking me dark.

I degrade myself more when I have the dress on to the point where maybe I should just not be in the wedding...