So what if the party is all goblins and one robot... @threegoblinsandarobot - Tumblr Blog

"He picks up his holy-symbol skull, shakes it as he looks in the eye socket, and says 'Got anything in there? ...Ooo, a spell slot!'"

- Goblin Cleric using Harness Divine Power in the best way

#put some mustard on it #paint a word picture #all his spells come out of that skull #goblin culture #shit my players say #dnd spells #dnd cleric #dnd goblins #dnd goblin #d&d goblin #goblins #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #d&d cleric

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"In Celery's name, achoo."

- Goblin Cleric

#goblin cleric #best cleric #no he can't pronounce his god's actual name #the chosen one of celery #or whatever his name is #goblin logic #goblin culture #dnd goblin #d&d goblin #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #goblins #shit my players say #dnd cleric #d&d cleric

Goblin Barbarian: I buy a babydoll tee. Goblin Cleric: Is that babydoll sized for a goblin, or babydoll sized for a human so that it fits a goblin like a dress? Goblin Barbarian: No, it's a tee sized for a babydoll. I'm a little guy!

#obviously #cmon use your brain #goblin logic #goblin math #dnd quotes #d&d quotes #shit my players say #dnd goblin #d&d goblin #goblins #dnd shenanigans

"Feet are the shoes of the body!"

- Goblin Barbarian, delivering mind-blowing insights

#goblins teaching life lessons #int is my dump stat #truer words were never spoken #goblin wisdom #goblin logic #goblin math #dnd quotes #d&d quotes #goblins #dnd goblins #d&d goblin #barbarian #dnd barbarian #d&d barbarian

Goblin Barbarian: Some of my best friends are serial killers… like me! Goblin Cleric: Wow, yeah I guess it has been serial, hasn't it?

#this was followed by a joke about #cereal killer #but everyone was still thinking about being murderers #the goblins killed a lot of dudes okay #goblin squad #dnd quotes #d&d quotes #shit my players say #goblins #dnd goblin #d&d goblin #dnd party #d&d party

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DM: Okay... you're up, Coin-Operated Boy. Warforged Player: Hey! That's racist!

#automatatist?#roboticist?#that's a good song though #robots are funny #robot joke #warforged #dnd quotes #d&d quotes #dnd warforged #d&d warforged #shit my dm says #dnd joke #d&d joke

Warforged: I need to make a request for augmentations. Artificer: Of course. What is it? Warforged: I have a dear companion back on the planet I was left on. They have needs that I am unable to fulfill as I currently am. Artificer: Okay…? Warforged: I need to have all the genital components of a humanoid. Everyone: [screams and/or laughs]

#and they did mean ALL the components #about to be a swiss army knife of genitalia #every character has a goal #how often do artificers get this request #just another tuesday #dnd is a serious game #warforged #dnd warforged #d&d warforged #shit my players say #dnd shitpost #spelljammer #queer dnd

"...We know those are udon noodles."

- Mind flayer, about the goblins' attempt to disguise as illithid

#how did they figure it out??#disguise kit #it didn't help #run #goblins vs illithid #nat 1 #goblin logic #goblin math #shit my dm says #goblins #illithid #mind flayer #dnd goblin #d&d goblin #dnd shenanigans

"Green screens are racist!!"

- Goblin Rogue

#orcs goblins and lizardfolk all agree #the issues that matter #youd think the rogue would like it but #that's not the point #goblin pride #goblin culture #shit my players say #goblins #dnd goblin #d&d goblin #dnd quotes #d&d quotes

NPC Cop: We have our top men working on it. Goblin Rogue: What about your top women? Goblin Barbarian: What about your bottom men?

#goblins asking the important questions #sorry dm #we'll take something serious someday #shit my players say #queer dnd #goblins #dnd party #d&d party #dnd quotes #d&d quotes #dnd shenanigans

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NPC: Your friend there has had a lot of ex-wives. Goblin Barbarian: Really?? ...Wait. Does that mean that they really call you Little Jeh'ri because-- Goblin Cleric: NO.

#not another word #you leave my little jehri out of this #no it's really because he is the littlest of the jehris #shit my players say #goblins #dnd goblin #d&d goblin #dnd party #d&d party #dnd quotes #d&d quotes

"I mean who doesn't have a weirdly-shiny cousin??"

- Goblin Rogue, speaking truths

#we've all been there #am i rite #telling it like it is #goblin logic #out of context dnd #dnd out of context #shit my players say #dnd quotes #d&d quotes #goblins #dnd goblin #d&d goblin

Warforged: [pops own arms off] Goblin Rogue: Now you're just showing off!! Warforged: Get good. Everyone: OHHHHH!!

#said with absolute deadpan #unblinking deadpan #no one was expecting it #robots are funny #warforged #shit my players say #dnd party #d&d party #dnd quotes #d&d quotes #dnd warforged #d&d warforged

[talking to their adopted warforged...] Goblin Rogue: Yeah, you got your tear ducts and smile muscles installed now! That's the whole range of emotions right there. Goblin Barbarian: Though… you really gotta stop laugh-crying. Save that one for special occasions. Goblin Cleric: Like, yesterday when you asked that guy for directions… that was not one of those occasions.

#for once they have good advice #how to train your warforged #goblins teaching life lessons #warforged #goblins in space #goblins #dnd warforged #d&d warforged #dnd goblin #d&d goblin #dnd quotes #d&d quotes #dnd party #d&d party

Goblin Rogue: How are those boards supposed to be good weapons?? They're too light. Don't they float in water? Goblin Barbarian: Yeah. But ducks float in water too. And they make great weapons! Goblin Rogue: Oh yeah, good point.

#goblin logic #or is that monty python logic #picture a goblin using a duck as a weapon #goblin math #makes sense to me #goblin culture #dnd shenanigans #goblins #shit my players say #goblin life #d&d goblin #dnd goblin #dnd quotes #d&d quotes

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NPC Badguy: Kneel!! Goblin Rogue: We're goblins, so we're already short enough. Goblin Cleric: Kneeling's against my religion. Goblin Barbarian: I got bad knees.

#goblin pride #aint taking no shit #when the adventurers are just goblins #roll intimidation #smartasses #dnd party #d&d party #goblins #dnd goblin #d&d goblin #dnd quotes #d&d quotes #goblin life #adventurers are menaces #shit my players say

"If I have to pretend to not want to eat raccoons, you have to pretend to not be bored during lunch."

- Goblin, to a Warforged

#it's only fair #lessons in masking #goblins teaching life lessons #warforged #robots are funny #goblins #neurodivergent dnd #masking #dnd quotes #d&d quotes #dnd goblin #d&d goblin #goblin culture #goblin life #shit my players say #dnd party #d&d party

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