Being raised without stability really fucks with your head, you’re forever trying to figure out a person’s “pattern“ to see how you have to approach them, whether they’re in a good mood and it’s safe, or if they’re in a bad mood and you have to be careful or maybe avoid them altogether, just because those who raised you could never keep a consistent emotional reaction
This has been my biggest struggle to unlearn, so I’m going to repeat it for anyone else who needs to hear it, and for me when I forget:
It’s not your fault
The people around you will have ups and down, good moods and bad. Sometimes, you’re a contributing factor, sometimes you’re not. Regardless, it’s not your fault. It’s not your job to fix it, it’s not your job to hover in discomfort and turn your whole brain to fixing their problem.
They’re not rejecting you.
They dont hate you.
It’s not your job to fix their bad mood.
It’s not your job to preempt their bad mood.
This fixation has been a major thorn in so many of my otherwise healthy relationships. My inability to let their bad mood go. Even now, at almost 35 years of age, I’m just barely at the point of being able to self talk “its not my fault”. I’m hit or miss on whether or not I can believe it in the moment. But just trying to reframe my thinking has made such a difference.
It’s not your fault.
(*obviously, there will be toxic people who try to manipulate you and make it seem like your fault. Trying to figure who is good for you and who isnt is a long journey. Do your best for you.)
