💖

my heart feels heavy, like a hundred pounds in my body. a weight on my chest that I'm sure will never leave. i am numb, the only emotion i feel is devastation.

One Direction is what has got me through life, starting 2021. when I was under pressure, when I was lonely, they were there for me. those 5 wonderful boys. my heart aches for what Louis, Zayn, Niall and Harry must be going through right now. the shock and sadness they must be experiencing must be 1000 times more than what I'm going through. my heart aches for his mother, who lost a piece of her life. the pain a mother feels upon losing a child must be... i can't even imagine what it must be like.

i read somewhere... 4 of the One Direction mothers lost a son, 1 welcomed him. this broke me. when I said, that I wanted a one direction reunion, i did not mean at a funeral. we have lost all hope of a one direction reunion. it will never be the same. i will never listen to One Direction songs in the same way, ever again. that girl from 2021, who seeked comfort from One Direction, is broken, but will never fade. she is grieving, and it will definitely take her a while to come to terms with this.

I never thought it was possible to feel so much for a person you have never met in your life. i guess it's true what they say... nothing is impossible.

weird how it's already been a week.

we miss you, Liam