| 𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖆 |

For awhile I have been feeling so fed up with this character. Muse wise and shit. And other crazy crap that happened to the fandom that made me stray so far off. Today (actually for weeks) I contemplated on achieving this blog but I’ve worked on Thorhella since October. I am not the type to just rant out or post my personal problems for everyone to read. But I honestly need some form of help or opinions. 

Aside from being an oc, I thought of PERHAPS changing this blog to the canon character, Astrid. But still, Thorhella stays true to my heart but *cough* no one likes to rp with her other than the very selective people I made friends with throughout the months. See, there’s me complaining and I hate doing that.

“I never said I forced you into anything, you fool!” Ivar snapped back at her, baring his teeth almost like an angry dog. He wanted to latch out at her - slap her, but he held back for now. Maybe she had more reasons to scold him, more reasons to set him off. “But knowing you, you would definitely give it a try, for everyone wants to sleep with Ivar and you were seemingly lucky enough to have been satisfied!

"Don’t blame my mother for what my father did to her.” Every word Ivar spoke ever since she’d set him off seemed so angry and full of venom. They were meant to strike fear upon her and Ivar assumed it had been successful once she rose back to her feet to pace around him. It was often something nervous people would do.

However, she did not stop playing with fire and Ivar sneered. Calling an unborn child better and more of a man was the last thing you should tell Ivar, certainly if you wanted the child to live. Thorhella was standing close enough for him to latch out and grab onto her legs. Ivar tackled her down to the floor and crawled on top of the girl. Only one hand would search for support on the wooden floor underneath them. The other went for her throat. “You do not get to call your unborn child better than me, for he will never be. I am the one declaring war upon the whole world, Thorhella. For my son to become greater than me, he would have to declare war upon the gods!” With those words, Ivar spat at her face, clearly angered by her entire attitude.

Thorhella couldn’t believe her eyes. Of all respect, she had to him, in a matter of a second it was destroyed. The friendship they once had, forever gone. The idea of having Ivar in her child’s life--gone. As he held her neck, Thorhella bit her bottom lip as she lifted her head, smashing her forehead against his with her every might. And once she felt the grip loosened, she quickly released herself from him. 

“I am trying to! I can’t help it if I’m a little slow.”

The small chuckle Ivar let go of when she claimed to always speak the truth wasn’t something he’d expected to actually happen. She knew well enough for herself that that wasn’t true, which meant she was speaking ill.

“How can I not doubt myself?” Ivar then asked. His eyes looked up to meet with hers briefly as he took a breath. “I can’t walk, and I know what you will tell me - that my wisdom makes up for it and that I still master the skill of fighting. You will try to tell me that people look up to the warrior in me, but those are lies, Thorhella, and you know it. For a Viking to head into battle on a chariot, it is not an honour. It is not how a real Viking fights!”

She felt his pain, the tone of his voice screaming out for help. Ivar lives a hard life, dragging is body around with only the strength of his arms. Not being able to fight like regular men, like the rest of his brothers. Thorhella is a manlipative woman but she wasn’t like that MUCH towards her friends--despite them knowing how her personality is. But she geniuly meant her words to him.

Ivar only nodded. It was meant to tell her that she indeed has to shut up about it. She could tell him all she wanted, about how pleasurable it may have been or about how he did manage to satisfy a woman - Ivar would most likely never feel like those words were the actual truth. Sexuality is an easy thing to gain pity for and he doesn’t need that. He doesn’t need anyone’s pity, except for maybe his own - no one but Ivar himself was allowed to pity the crippled prince.

“I don’t want to do it again, and you are not getting me drunk to make me do it again.” Ivar’s words were cold, but real. He didn’t want to have sex with her again. At least not now that she was carrying a child. Ivar once caught up on information that Aslaug had given birth to a crippled son because Ragnar forced her into sex during her pregnancy. It made the prince tense up a little. “I do not want you to give birth to a monster. If the child is a cripple like me…” He didn’t finish his sentence, but Ivar would’ve told her that he would most likely have to kill the child to save them from all the pain and suffering they will have to go through.

Thorhella was feeling her blood boil and yet, she couldn’t help but feel utterly upset. Her biggest goal was to have the chance to be with a Ragnar son, and somehow the Gods blessed her to carry a son for one of the Princes’. It was fate and Thorhella thought she was making HISTORY. Despite that, she wanted to feel loved and appreciated. And yet, she is portrayed of forcing herself upon him when it wasn’t the case.

“I didn’t get YOU drunk, Ivar. You made yourself drunk. I didn’t FORCE you to do anything, you swine. I can’t believe you will suggest anything like that against me.” Thorhella wanted to cry but she has never did so in front of anyone--other than Ingeborge, she tells her everything. Sure, she is a shieldmaiden, but she was also a WOMAN. With feelings like any other woman.

“For your information just to clear your conscious, there are MANY couples that are still physical when a woman is pregnant. Unfortunately, something in your mother’s womb went wrong. Things like that just happens. Even to a Prince.”

I have no memory of this experience…