what a mess

guy : so i was getting a glass of water (a glass is just a commonly used cylinder closed off on the bottom in order to hold liquids btw)

i am so tired of peeing. i drink the water, which i apparently need to live or something, then i have to go put the water somewhere else five minutes later. i drink the water, i go to a place to un-drink the water, i wash my hands, i leave, then i have to drink more water. guess where that water ends up? not in me! i give the water to my body and like a child it tosses it out and demands more. all hours of the day all hours of the night no matter what i am doing my life is interrupted by piss and this is bullshit

This sounds like it was written by a powerful being that is trapped in a human vessel and keeps having their plans thwarted by bathroom breaks. 

You know too much.

Whoever has my voodoo doll please take that bitch to the gym

every fall teenage girls are like.. “oh , im gonna enter a place of business and order a product which is offered by that place of business because i like the flavor of it” and honestly? how dare they. that’s so annoying. why can’t they buy the beverage that i, a smart man, would prefer to drink

girl why are people RUNNING in the STREETS outside my apartment like????

just found out what a marathon was

its really funny that there’s a trend of conservatives who seem to think that “liberal arts” involves literally teaching college kids to be liberals. like wut

And thus, dear reader, only one tenth of the cake was glazed.