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skills

can go from 0 to weeping in 60 seconds

#about me #resume #why you always crying #skills #me

me: *makes a mistake*

me: dang what the heck is wrong with me

brain: OK IM GONNA START SMALL AND WORK UP, SO RIGHT OFF THE BAT-

#my brain #me #what's wrong with me #besides everything

baeees

#ok

omg ok I was just tryna sit here and enjoy a book and a white wine didn't realize I'd be coming face to face with my mortality in the wilderness

#😱#bears #grizzly #professional guide's manual #professional guide #outdoors #wilderness #scary

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petitetimidgay-deactivated20240

why aren’t friend kisses more of a thing

there have been so many times we’re i’ve felt a rush of affection towards my friends and I want to kiss them as a gesture of happiness or excitement or just general human intimacy but I can’t because kissing is almost universally interpreted as inherently romantic or sexual. romance is not the only bond worthy of physical intimacy.

say yes to platonic kisses

thisamericannap

Nah

rotten tomato review of my life

#my life #me #quotes #rotten tomatoes #put this on my grave #put this on my tombstone #tattoo this on my face #movie review #reviews

#your loss #tweet #national sandwich day #dr ruth #funny #quote #askdrruth #threesomes #sandwich

achievement-hunter

Me in High School

Me in College

Me in Grad School

#perfect #not me but fantastic

morningmightcomebyaccident

Ellen Page + Adjusting her tie nervously

x x

#help

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my dad used to do this thing to avoid a company’s customer service phone maze, he would just press 0 over and over and would usually wind up talking to an actual person pretty quickly

but now because so many companies use voice activation, he just stands there yelling “representative” “representative” “representative” “talk to representative” into the phone

it still works sometimes but it’s tearing our family apart

#this time its comcast #help #dads #operator #problems #omg #customer service #gethuman #on hold #please hold

Google search history

kate mckinnon dating kate mckinnon girlfriend kate mckinnon single kate mckinnon relationship kate mckinnon who dating kate mckINNON TELL ME GOOGLE I MUST KNOW

#kate mckinnon #lesbian problems #need to know #google #search history #snl

my phone just autocorrected something to ‘renegade gay,’ it doesn’t matter what, i liked that and i kept it

#autocorrect

I was just at Colbert, which I THOUGHT WAS COOL AT THE TIME What is lesbian jesus punishing me for?

#rude #jimmy fucking kimmel was the guest when I was there #hillary clinton #hillary2016 #hrod17 #carrie brownstein #sleater kinney #lesbian problems #lesbian rage #lesbian jesus #stephen colbert #Colbert #unfair

nevver

La Femme Damnée, Octave Tassaert

thisamericannap

damn, is there a Meetup for this?

#jw

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

the biggest strain on my relationship right now is that my girlfriend’s phone is too old to update for the new emoji

we’re so far apart....

#we're speaking different languages #emoji #new emoji #new emojis #ios9 #upgrade #relationships #i'm joking obviously #sort of #iphone #taco #burrito #middle finger #that chill pit of darkness

can’t believe someone wrote this book and didn’t even bother to interview me....... i’ve been working for this for YEARS..... no one gives credit where it’s due i swear.......

#rude #the end of men #my gay agenda #book

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