the last sexy person in america

nobody numa numas like they used to

(wistfully) mai-ia-hee... mai-ia- hoo....

such insolence... guards? seize her! ...no. stop. not like that. you are doing it gay. why are you seizing her gay style

it’s really interesting how the guys that fight against paying child support the hardest are the ones that could afford to do it. these dudes will quit their well paying salaried job with benefits just to avoid their pay getting docked and potentially going to reimburse the mother of their child for buying their kid new shoes. they’ll leave their child without health insurance and work under the table jobs because they really hate their child and former S/O that much.

So apparently the Mac and cheese you can manufacture in your settlements in fallout 4 has no radiation and heals just as much as purified water for a fifth of the carry weight so anyways I’ve set up a pasta farm so I can run through the wasteland crunching down on uncooked Mac and cheese so fast that nothing can kill me

​Time to googl[remembers i want the cool leftist mutuals to like me] duck duck go something [remembers that bragging about activism is performative and virtue signaling] i mean search something somewhere [remembers that it’s gonna be 34 degrees celsius tomorrow] i mean move into a cold dark cave to live with the isopods

if she’s your girl why is she at my crypt with my fangs in her neck

people talk about family vacations growing up and say things that make me think “oh, y’all weren’t the drinking by 10 am type of people...” but I have to say, I’m glad I was born in an ‘adults drinking at 10 am’ family instead of a ‘hiking 10 miles by 10 am’ family.

Imagine going on a movie date with a girl and she shows up to the movie theatre with a big huge fuckoff suspiciously large purse so you assume she’s maybe sneaking in snacks but the movie starts and you look over and she’s in the middle of a knitting project. She gets up halfway through the film to use the bathroom and accidentally knocks over her bag and balls of yarn go rolling down the aisle in the empty movie theatre like tumbleweeds and you have to go running after them. I think I’d marry her.