Chaos is Blind

Idc enough to make separate blogs anymore.

Edit: let me be more clear, this is everything. Including all my vents. A place to put where it. So. This is your trigger warning.

You get what you get at your own risk~<3

Alot of chapters.

It was all so easy~

All the evidence cleaned its self up now.

All the trash has been taken out.

And the best part it's all my trophies are polished.

And it keeps getting better.

The best part?

If you knew what I was doing and am going to do with something of yours. It would truely destroy you....

But you'll never know and you'll never see the return investment and I love that.

It brings me great satisfaction.

The years, the travels, my wife, this life

It turned for the better at the expense of.... well that's for me.

Some parting words dearest readers,

Let me plead some kind of grace to a memory or a thought or that some place out there in this huge reality we live in let me sympathize with understanding that i get it.

You understand what I felt in those moments and I've never seen it depicted so well.

So yes I get it.

It's just another morning here.

We all finally came home and my cats are loving it.

Got my coffee and I'm finally stoned.

Went to write in the journal and thought of somethings I ain't never thought of before.

The past few years getting my mental illnesses in line so they don't control me any more has been rather intresting.

It's more like a switch I can make now.

Right under my skin.

But it has been begging more questions then answers.

The experiences I've had are making me wonder if those who have had similar experiences have walked these halls before.

How many have lost?

How many actually got better?

I know with my experience it was dumb luck and enlightenment.

If I didn't get al hold of the internet I know for a Fact that I would be dead, dumb, or in jail.

It's fucking crazy because I always knew I was gonna have to work 2× as hard at birth.

People didn't like me. I didn't know how to be a person.

I wasn't given the chance tbh.

Maybe I wasn't a mean girl in highschool, maybe it was a vitamin definitely with an untreated personality disorder causing brain fog, irritability, and exhaustion.

Never mind all those other fucking symptoms that come with it.

Like insomnia

Needless to say I'm fucked up and the first 24 years of my life had to be spent trying to cater to the chemical imbalances in my head.

Basically where some of you started with emotional development in 5th grade, I'm starting at the ripe ol age of 25.

And that is only cause the perfect mix of intelligence and grace allows me to be self aware enough to not destroy the only things left avaliable to me after the utter calamity that was me navigating this world with a map I could barely fucken read.

What I'm trying to say is.....

I had to do it on my own.

And I'm not bad at stats....

So I know my experience was luck...

YOu married that peice of shit.

THATS CRAZY, broo

Like good for you honey I guess but last time I saw y'all he snatched your shit in a parking lot and made you look a fool.

Bruh that's fucking insane.

Like I could never honey but by all means get your ass beat.

It's gives the feeling of familiarity.

Like I always go back to the same place no matter the age and just enjoy~

Warmth in my heart no matter where or when.

Nothing better then that feeling of peace and serene safety.

Alcohol was never my DOC but I get it every time.

Laughing is just too supreme, not a worry in sight and everyone is always honest against a glass.

Least I can type here lol, I only come around back to this blog every now and again but it's nice too look at memories....

And trophies~♡

To see how far I have come and feel satisfaction in my personal accomplishments.

Ngl I use to hate life alot but it's been si rich these past couple years.

It's truely crazy to see how the decisions have lined up but hey it's all worked out.

Good company, good love, good food, good travel, good weed too (give or take sometimes it hard across the pond)

Wild the time I get to take my ass here an earthquake rocks everything

It's barely 10 am, the jet lag hasn't left me quite yet but I'm gonna be here a minuet

It's not my last stop on the world map but when coming from France where now would be 3 am It's fucking h a r d