carpe damn

thank you so much! honestly i feel disastrously underqualified to give writing advice as i wrote one of my most popular poems in the bathroom of a cicis pizzaria but i appreciate your confidence in me :)

this was sent with another ask referencing the line from reasons that goes “no one has ever loved you this fully surely you will drown in it all”

i wrote this at sixteen, i think? and it was about another woman, so there’s your average unbridled teenaged angst coupled with a sexuality crisis. truthfully though i think it just comes from that very human fear of being undeserving of the love that we’re offered.

or maybe the idea that we are fooling everyone, all the time, and with just enough time, everyone else will wake up and see you the way you see you, which can be not very great.

but most people don’t see you the way you see you. they see you the way strangers on the train forget to compliment your shoes, but wish they hadn’t. the way your mother forgets i love you’s but never your lunch. the way your best friend would laugh at the sun if it looked at you funny.

i dunno. even knowing that, i think i still feel like that. i guess id always hoped teenage angst would muddle out and turn into Adult Exuberance instead of older, soggier angst. but i did kiss her. and i don’t regret it.

it seems as though this poem will be my mark on this app. it was such a small thing at the time, a teenage girl crying about loving too much, and the fear of it never being returned quite the same. but sometimes love is fickle and sometimes it moves mountains and other times it just gets you out of bed in the morning.

i am editing this a few days after my 22nd birthday. that means about six years has passed since this was written. if i had not kissed her i would regret it.

no, thank you. you can only be so lucky to have mattered like that to anyone.