Itās New Yearās Eve, and like most of us I am spending it at home. But rather than catching up with friends on Zoom, I am spending the evening in gentle contemplation. Little one is safely tucked up in bed, waiting to be woken to watch the Fireworks before settling back to sleep. I am sat in the living room with the new Aromatherapy Diffuser on, gentle zen music playing and the cat purring beside me. Around me are my journals and diaries. I think back on this awful, awful year, and rather than dwelling on the sadness, I look at what it has given me personally.
6 unexpected months together with my husband and daughter safe at home. These 6 months turned out to be the last of his life. What a gift then, to be given those wonderful unexpected moments. Extra cuddles, more laughter and plenty of Clan time to enjoy our loving little family before things had to change.
The extra time at home in lockdown enabled me to spend time on my little āUrban Groveā - my Patio witches garden, which has brought me much joy and pleasure throughout the year.
My Husbandās passing has brought me even closer to my daughter, and to my support bubble. It has reminded me of my own mortality and that life is too damn short so must be truly lived in an honest and open way. It has, oddly, calmed my anxiety because I have had to step into the deepest darkness I could have imagined and face my fears - when you lose the Love of your life, suddenly being able to get to work on time when the trains are messed up no longer becomes something that stresses you out.
My priorities have changed. My motivation has not been lost with his passing, but that too is not the same as it once was.
2020 has taught me many lessons, and Iām certain that many more lessons will land as I go forward in my life without Craig.
I am Thankful for all of the kindness, support and love that this year has brought me - both before and after we lost Craig. Willow and I appreciate every single gift, blessing or words of comfort that have been sent our way.
I canāt and wonāt wish anyone a āhappyā new year. Iām not convinced that would be achievable at this present moment in time. But I will wish everyone a hopeful New Year. A āhappierā year if possible, and most importantly a peaceful one.
Blessings, Love & Health to you,
Zee
