Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper

I think this song is emblematic of Anya's attitude to life when she hits her sixth life. You bet she was blasting this in her original 1979 cassette tape Walkman and dancing down the street without shame. She knows she has no set direction in her life (since all of her career choices have been spur-of-the-moment decisions), which I imagine would drive her parents absolutely crazy in worry for her future. She's committed to having fun, and I think this song is the anthem for girls living to the maximum, like Anya!

Just A Girl - No Doubt

For Anya, this is a very ironic song to include on her list on purpose. Considering Anya's been a front-line medic (seen war up close), a spy, a secret police officer, a diplomat/translator (also in an active warzone) and an assassin, I think she'd get very annoyed about how society at large treats women, because she's very capable! I also think that pretending she's 'just a girl' is great cover to her, so despite the song's sarcasm, she'd lean into it. I don't know if anyone's noticed, but one of the things that ticks Anya off a lot in subtle ways (as a pet peeve) is that usually when someone meets her, they usually follow up with "you're Damian Desmond's fiancee!" Uh, she's way more than that...

Pedestrian At Best - Courtney Barnett

Okay, for me, this is basically Anya's theme, so I'm including a shitload of lyrics and doing a deepdive.

The first set of lyrics really capture her relationship and views of Damian, because I hope it's entirely clear through my writing that she has no idea how she even feels about him (though we all kind of know): "I love you, I hate you"/"I like you, despise you, admire you" really capture her range of emotions about him. Yes, she does love/like him a lot, but she despises who he becomes, but there's also an element of her that admires his political goals and acumen. Therefore, we just have this confused, emotional tangle throughout the narrative about how she feels about him, and rather than dealing with it or sorting through it or, god forbid, going to therapy, she's decided to just NOT touch it with a barge pole and avoid it forever. It's frustrating for readers as it is for me to write it, but she's a human being at the end of the day.

The second set really reflects her various lives - "I must confess I've made a mess" but "I've tried my very best I guess". Unlike people like Loid, for example, Anya has had multiple turns at life and should therefore have nailed preventing the war by life two. I reckon if Loid was the timelooper, by life three, he'd be stopping wars while finishing the Sunday crossword. I also think the tongue-in-cheek inclusion of "I guess" really reveals that Anya hasn't been trying her best across her lives. She's had plenty of opportunities to find out the truth, but she has a psychological barrier stopping her due to her pathological avoidance of things that are emotionally difficult for her to handle. Also, dubbing it a "small success" is definitely how she'd downplay continental war to make it more managable for her.

This third set forms a response to a theme in Damian's playlist - his idealisation of her as an angel or his saviour that's responsible for his happiness. However, Anya's being very clear - she's refusing this role entirely, beause she isn't responsible for his happiness. She's aware that she was put on a pedestal as the 'Angel of Aleksandrplatz', but she never wanted that level of fame or love on a national level. I also think this speaks to her feelings about how she's 'failed' in her five lives by failing to prevent war's outbreak or make considerable ground in her investigation until life six. Her life is a cycle of constantly failing the people she's promised to protect. The second statement is an explicit statement against Damian and the close relationships that she has - Anya, in the opening chapters, explicitly treated Damian Desmond as a target on her 'mission', and even went so far as to call him her 'enemy'. She very explicitly entered the relationship to exploit him for her personal gain, personal feelings notwithstanding. Anya has very screwed-up stances on relationships due to her cycle of life, death and reincarnation; all of them are temporary, so it doesn't matter how badly she treats someone in one life, because by the time the next life starts, it never happened!

This fourth set is really interesting when I related it to the Damianya relationship in SP. We've already gotten her muddle of feelings above, but I think this is the more honest core of how she feels about him. She doesn't enjoy seeing Damian upset or unhappy, and these feelings are not related to her mission at all. It's clear she struggles to see him as a romantic connection when he's also her target, so she's refusing to even consider him "hers", but she does anyway. I think this reveals how much she does actually care for him on a personal level despite her best wishes NOT to feel that way about him. It certainly doesn't help her messy feelings!

Right Back Where We Started From - Maxine Nightingale / Gloria - Laura Brannigan / Restless Year - Ezra Furman / Deceptacon - Le Tigre / Outrageous - Oingo Boingo

These five songs relate obviously to Anya's timelooping and full-frontal assault towards life, and how she feels about her life. Right Back Where We Started From reassures her that everything's alright when she starts her lives, as I think she'd try and start them optimistically where she could, but there's an interesting refrain in the song that her primary motivator is love - I don't think it's the love of Damian, but of the world itself and her fellow man. Gloria, despite the upbeat synths and power vocals, is warning a woman about slowing down her roll before she has a breakdown, which is a warning Anya actively ignores - Anya is the 'Gloria' in the song. This song also touches on the fact that 'Gloria' is quite lonely, too, which Anya is too! Restless Year explores themes of existential panic, and I think it emblemises Anya's refusal to settle into boring routines and embrace her personal brand of chaos despite the fact she knows death is looming! Deceptacon, which once again uses upbeat synths and a fast tempo, has this sense of urgency to it that reflects how Anya feels about her mission of war prevention, and it has this frantic "everything you feel is alright, alright, alright"; it seems like denial. Outrageous is a song that just reflects how chaotic Anya's various lives are - outrageous things can and do happen to her all the time and she just has to dance along to its beat!

Witches - Alice Phoebe Lou

If we look at Anya's powers another way, she could be classed as a 'witch'. I think she'd enjoy her telepathy as a unique element to her as she grows older and she'd reclaim the negative connotations of it as this song does. However, these lyrics are the more pertinent to her; she doesn't want anyone to save her, because she can save herself with her own abilities. This song is her refusal to rely on other people, because the way she sees it - she can't. Even when she does use the help of other people, she's not expecting them to come and save her, and it's only something she can do, which leads to her isolation, but also, her independence.

Ultraviolet - Clover County

This was actually a song recommendation from a commenter in the early days of SP! This song speaks to Anya's growing attachment to Damian, especially the lyric "if I speak up, would you notice that I'm trying?", since I've (hopefully) made it clear that one of her worries is that Damian will find out what she's doing and misunderstand her goals completely. I also think this song is perfect for their third life final scene in PM Desmond's office, and also for a scene at the end of life four (which is sitting in my notes, waiting to be sorted). As much as she wants to distance herself from Damian, she's literally drowning in thoughts about him, and she feels the needs to 'wash off' what he's said, but she can't, because he's gotten under her skin!

Be Sweet - Japanese Breakfast

This is a transitional song I believe in her relationship dynamic with Damian. One of my commenters pointed out to me that it seemed largely unfair that Damian loved Anya unconditionally, but she had a long list of conditions for her to be 'allowed' to love him or show any affection towards him at all. Which is true! That's what I wanted to point out! However, her conditions - mainly 'don't start a war' - are cracks in her actual affection for him coming out, so she's trying to contain them with conditions. I think this song is perfect for that!

La Noia - Angelina Mango

I knew I wanted to have one foreign-language song on her playlist, and that it should be European-foreign language, because Anya speaks many languages! I will translate for non-Italian speakers:

"I die without dying, in these used-up days / I live without suffering, there is no greater cross / All we can do is laugh during these scorched nights / A crown of thorns will be the dress-code for my party / Ah, it's the cumbia of boredom" (For note, a cumbia is a Latin-American vibrant, relaxed dance stemming from the Caribbean coast of Colombia).

This song is excellent for how Anya truly feels about her cycle of life, death and reincarnation - she's bored, and she's making her own fun out of it. Death and life don't carry any intrinstic meaning for her (when it pertains to her own), so she's forcing joy and laughter into her life of her own volition. It's definitely Anya's coping strategy to deal with it (which, girl, we all knew). However, she's bored to keep repeating the same days, the same conversations... she acts so crazy so she can make herself feel anything at all! I think it's a sad song, in a weird way...

P.U.N.K Girl - Heavenly / Shook - Nathan Dassas / That Kind Of Girl - All Dogs

I think these songs are how Damian feels about Anya, and how she feels about him in return. P.U.N.K Girl especially - "P is for the painful way she makes me feel some days"; it's not fun for him to have this intrinsic sense that the person he adores most in the entire world doesn't love him back, but he still loves and defends her. Obviously, her behaviour and general chaotic energy causes problems for him (let's not fool ourselves, the poor guy has definitely been asked "her? REALLY? HER?!" more than once). Shook declares "You shook me for the last time", which I think is about how neither of them are that surprised by the other's behaviours anymore. Anya isn't surprised Damian declares war; he isn't surprised that she can magically just fucking debug his house due to a 'hobby'. That Kind of Girl, however, is Anya's feelings about herself in a relationship; she isn't used to the emotional intimacy with another person, considering how detached she feels from the people around her. She feels quite selfish for being in this relationship with Damian (even if it is for world peace), because she doesn't actually feel like she adds that much value to his life, but also, she knows their relationship will end either a) when Damian declares war or b) when she dies. Therefore, it's better and less painful for him to 'stay away from her'.

Kool Thing - Sonic Youth

If Damian's getting a political song, so is Anya. Her politics aren't explicitly stated, but a beady-eyed reader might observe that Anya overall agrees with Damian politically and she's a huge feminist. I felt like she deserved one. Nothing more to it! But yes, if she didn't know Damian would declare war in a few years, she'd probably vote for him (which she did in her first life, funnily enough. She now abstains from voting.)

Go To Sleep, Kimberly - Superet

We now slide into the ending of the playlist, which I've dubbed 'Anya Forger is deeply traumatised and not handling it well'. Her behaviour has been noticed by Damian as being out-of-character, to the point where he assumes something really bad has happened to her to make her this way. I see this song as how he feels about it. The singer constantly asks 'Kimberly' to rest, if she's depressed, points out her bloodshot eyes, points out she's working too hard and wants her to do things to improve her health. To this, 'Kimberly' (in this instance, Anya) insists that the singer "take her dancing" - to take her to go and do a fun activity to distract her from how depressed she actually is. I think this reflects how Anya feels. She's slapping a smiley-face sticker on how bad she's actually feeling, and there's a challenge in the lyrics - "if you don't take me, I'm going alone"; basically, if Damian doesn't play along or go along with her whims, she'd do it by herself and away from him. This song speaks to a woman who is near manic to cover up the gaping hole where her mental health used to be. That's Anya Forger, baby!

Jane! - The Long Faces

We're getting a more honest view of how Anya feels about her various failures. Her life's work - preventing war - is ruined by "fools who adore you" (which is a pretty explicit reference to Damian, IMO), and she's forced to sit back and wait for the right time or opportunity to try and get her own back. The song also contains repeated references to "the devil" - which, if we assume means a charming, handsome man with nefarious purposes - could be how she feels about HOW Damian becomes PM Desmond (step aside, Melinda "my husband's an alien" Desmond, Anya "my husband's literally satan" Forger is in session"). The song states that that the devil "keeps the good from the great", which I thought related neatly to how Anya sees Damian as preventing her from achieving her own personal greatness of being the girl who saved the world. Furthermore, "evil in equal" - she sees the actions she's done as no better than Damian's, especially when we consider all the shady shit she's done and people she's hurt, and will likely to continue to hurt. She's compartmentalised these aspects of her personality and struggles to connect them.

On and On - The Velveteers

When I first heard this song, I was immediately like "holy shit, this is fifth life/assassin Anya!" There's an angry, tired, bored quality to this song; I'd argue this was when Anya was steadily hitting "so fucking over this shit" levels on a daily basis. This connects pretty explicitly to events in life four and five - which I won't spoil - but there is a pattern across Anya's lives that neither she nor Damian seem to be able to stay the fuck away from each other. So, when the song declares "I don't wanna be your friend", it could mean that Anya sees him as her enemy, or perhaps wants a different connection to him than mere friendship. I also think by life five, she's become abundantly aware of this mystical pull between her and Damian and how he seems to always kowtow to what she wants. Anyway, I can't say too much more, but when I finally publish life four and five, it will make more sense.

Edge of Seventeen - Stevie Nicks

I find this song to be incredibly powerful (listen to the orchestra version, you won't regret it). There's a real determination underpinning the lyrics, mainly thanks to Stevie Nick's incredible vocals, but the song pertains to the processing of grief and seeking comfort, only to find nothing waiting. I think that anxiety and depression really speaks to Anya's mental state and feelings, but a lot of imagery in the song works for her too. The glaring example is "white-wing dove"; while Nicks intended for it to be the image of a soul flying away (which, considering Anya has died a few times, perhaps that's how Damian sees her), the dove is also a symbol of peace, which is Anya's main goal. I think the song is the end point of their relationship once she's sorted her feelings out - "Sometimes to be near you is to be unable to feel you, my love", which marks an acceptance of both the distance she feels she must keep but also the fact she loves the man who ruins everything, despite what happens. She also recognises, at last, that Damian has a broken heart and trauma all of his own, which is her reaching a hand out to him - he's just as lonely as her, really.

The Hand - Annabelle Dinda

Well-Respected Man - The Kinks

This song is a satire on the British upper-class/wealthy classes. I think this is certainly how a lot of people have viewed Damian throughout his life, especially when he was a kid, and it's a reputation that's hard to shake. The song satirises what happens behind closed doors of upper-class families (the song uses a father having an affair with the maid, which is salacious because an upper-class person? With a poor person?, and a scheming, overbearing mother.) I connected this song with Damian because he does have this reputation of a well-respected man whose family is hiding a bunch of dodgy shit.

The Communists Have The Music - They Might Be Giants

For those who are unfamiliar with Ayn Rand... I am so jealous of you. She developed a philosophy called Objectivism, which just happened to be 'what if capitalism and the free market was so much worse than it already is?'. Either way, don't read her books. Even if you agree with her philosophically, her writing style is straight up dogshit. Anyway... I felt this linked to the period in Damian's life when he was moving from his family/NUP-affiliation ("Ayn Rand Sandwich") to his SDP career and beliefs ("Engels' Conditions of the Working Class"), to which he was punished by his family through ostracisation ("dragged me to the committee"). The rest of the song is really glib and tongue-in-cheek, that it isn't the philosophy that attracted the singer to be a communist, it's something as simple as the music. I think Damian would start saying increasingly flippant comments the more people asked him about it.

3. Great Things - Echobelly

I mean, off the bat, Damian is never willing to compromise on his ambitions and goals, no matter what anybody tries to tell him. He's very convinced he's correct. It's one of his defining character motifs in SP. However, the song has more layers to it, which I also think apply to Damian. Firstly, the song speaks to a great desire to experience life - the normal processes of friendship, love, and so on, which he definitely yearns for, but that's been blocked from him on account of who he is and what he must do. Secondly, the song touches on the friendships and connctions between people who have experienced hardships together, which is how Damian feels about all of his friends - Anya, Ewen, Emile, Becky, Jeeves - across all of his lives. Even during the war, he never once stopped caring massively about his friends.

4. This Charming Man - The Smiths

Yes, I am aware that the song is the story of a lower-class boy having gay feelings about a wealthy-upper class man he randomly encounters. However, I'd argue that Damian himself is the charming man; he's this wealthy, upper-class guy reaching his hand down to help the working class. I also think that as soon as Damian started covorting with the lower classes, his upper-class acquaintances would start jokingly referring to him as a 'pantry boy' (which is a low-band service job), turning the narrative back on him. I hope this makes sense!

5. Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Patti Smith

Hopefully, this one should be fairly obvious. My idea for the role of this song is how Anya views Damian, considering that the song is a reflection on human greed and a need for power and control. That's a large reason why I picked Patti Smith's version - it's a female singer, the track is less synth-y (is that a word?), and has a much-more weary quality to it.

6. Love My Way - Psychedelic Furs

(Once again, I need to reiterate that I know what the song is about. I'm putting my own interpretation on it). I think this song relates heavily to Damian's personal needs (which I never have him explicitly state because the man is emotionally repressed) in terms of the affection he truly desires - a kiss is NOT enough. I also think this lyric on applies to his relationship with Anya too - "swallow all your tears, my love, and put on your new face". For me, this line means that a) Damian is aware Anya is masking near-constantly b) he knows she has various sides to her, but he recognises all of them as "my love". Ugh. I hate him.

7. Ceasar on a TV Screen - The Last Dinner Party

Out of all of the songs on the playlist, this is pretty close as we can get to relatability for Damian. Firstly, the song is deeply insecure, which I think Damian covers pretty well, and the lyrics scream for 'everyone to love me'. I think this covers one of Damian's most selfish desires. However, I found the above lyrics the most relevant. For Damian, "it'll be me that the world will answer to" would be his way of saying that if the world harms his friends or those he cares about, they'll answer to him. Like Anya, he views himself as an 'acceptable casualty'; if the world hates him, that's okay, because what he did was to help people. Furthermore, "one of the greats" / "champion of my fate" ties really close to his family links. Obviously, his father is considered 'one of the greats', and Damian, despite everything, still seeks that equality with his father (or to prove himself, because Donovan's virtually ignored the bastard for years), but he soon moves away from his family's control and influence and makes his own fortune from life.

8. Ode to Britannia - Seb Lowe / 9. Walls Come Tumbling Down - The Style Council

...These are just explicitly political songs with left-leaning messages. Seb Lowe's is about the bloodied history of most-nation states, paired with an anger and despair about how the political situation got this bad. Walls Come Tumbling Down is a reply to this sensation - you really don't have to take this crap, and the best thing you can do is rely on others, organise, and come together to demand what you want. A fun look into Damian's political emotion -> response.

10. Autoportrait - Demob Happy / 11. Genghis Khan - Miike Snow

These songs are how he feels about Anya, but it's the uglier, messier, more human side to his affection for her. Autoportrait contains the lyric "I know nothing wrong could happen while I'm still in love with you", which I connected with how he sees Anya. He has this near-pathological idealisation of her where as long as she's around, only good things can happen to him, and he's selfishly making her responsible for his happiness instead of doing it himself (however, he might have long since passed the point where he can make himself happy in life...). Genghis Khan on the other hand is the darker side of his love, which he mostly keeps in check because he recognises it's toxic as fuck - it's a possessive, deeply jealous song. He never acts on it or tries to control Anya, but it's how he feels sometimes.

12. November - Sparkbird

This song is largely about trauma, which Damian has in boatloads and is keeping to himself (or rather, it hasn't been revealed in the narrative yet, at any rates). His trauma was the 'spark' that lead him onto the path that he's on (but he has genuine, well-thought out reasons for them as well). The lyrics "familiarity breeds indifference / familiarity breeds discontent" also carry the meaning that the more you experience something, the more disconnected you become, which... hm.

13. No Hands - Attica Riots

I think this is pretty much Damian's declaration of his intent. The current system in Ostania is coming to an end, and he's bringing what he thinks the country needs (and in fairness, he's largely correct), but he's not an idiot. Change is ALWAYS messy and brutal. Damian's well-aware that his international reputation, or that in the history books, will be a split between viewing him as a saviour/radical, or as a tyrant/a villain. He's fine with that, btw.

14. Hate Me Soon - Yellow Ostrich

This is the quintessential Damian song. Basically, Damian is aware that he's planning a war, but also, Anya is anti-war in all forms. He's aware that if he does this, she'll hate him and be disgusted by him so much and want nothing more to do with him. None of that matters, because he'll always love her. He also knows the war is coming - obviously - so this is, in his view, inevitable between him and Anya. She'll leave him for "a better kind of man" <- this one's fascinating because I think Damian would let her go find happiness elsewhere if that's what she really wanted, but he also, it's revealing that Damian's deeply insecure about the person he is. He assumes her next man will automatically be 'better' compared to him. Regardless, the song later states "let's get together in a couple of years", which is basically him trying to convince himelf she'll come back once the war's over. Except, you know, she basically dies in every timeline. Sorry, Damian! I've put you in the trauma wiggler!

15. Kiss Me, Son Of God - They Might Be Giants

This was a very tongue-in-cheek song, but I think this is PM Damian's self-hatred leading him to act like a villain and consider himself one. He's playing into the tropes - if people see him as a villain, why shouldn't he be one? It's sort of an a 'bad ending' to the vibes brought up in 'Ceasar on a TV Screen'. There's only one flash of genuine feeling in the song, which is those pictured above - the rest of the lyrics are them covering for this vulnerability with self-aggrandising statements that he's replaced Jesus, everyone calls him Your Highness, etc. He's bullshitting, of course.

16. No Mercy, Only Violence - The Library

This song was how I saw a more evolved version of Damian's opinions of his father. Firstly, when I first listened to the song, I understood it as rebelling against what religion tells you, but having the habit of falling back on how you were raised. The song is from a revolutionary perspective, which is how Damian views himself. The above lyric - "when your heart beats too hard, have a bit of him in there with you" - is really pertinent. During the war, I think Prime Minister Damian takes a few notes out of his father's playbook, especially when it comes to his legendary composure and having to make difficult decisions, and it's only through emulating his father's composure and personality that he can get through the darkest period of the war without cracking completely. However, it's so incongruous to the revolution he wants to do, so he personally detests it. Regardless, a coping mechanism is a coping mechanism, and he's turning into his dad. Whoops.

17. Angel - NewDad / Liquid Nights and Disco Lights - Miracle of Sound

These songs reflect how depressed he is, especially as the war progresses. 'Angel' is pretty-on-the-nose for how he views Anya at his most depressed - he wants her joy, he wants her kindness; comparison is the killer of joy, after all. Liquid Nights is his cover for his depression - he just has to keep moving onto the next thing (remember when he immediately asks Anya for coffee after receiving news that 4000 people died? He needs to keep moving). At this point, he's lost a grasp on his identity outside of his job and the war, hence why I thought the song's contradictions worked really well. Overall, the song is looking for any means for him to feel better after 'the shame, regret and sorrow'.

19. I'm Your Man - Mitski