luminescent thoughts

watch us run, fall, cry

to live and die, try and fail

polarized opinions damning

those with vocabularies never to be more than monosyllabic

in a time like this innocence is wasted

with our youth forced to be so pragmatic

  it's like the world is falling apart

and every solution just gets more dramatic

the violence and fear never stop

it only takes a few to stir up a grand panic

because for this fear, misery, and hate

sat too long on coals

to hot, drying out facades

wasting, crackling, burning

holes through armor set in place

where contentment fondled joy

melting, catching, flaming

through peace wrought from nothing

ashen tinders, forsaken foundations

crumbling, crashing, dying

till nothing's left of what once withstood

the tempest all around

sprouting, growing, living

new things replace what's lost

why awake should i linger

why fear anything

when nothing’s always right there

Maybe I'm just not... real

Because no one ever remembers

or notice when I'm gone

and there doesn't seem much progression

one way or another because no one ever cares

what sin has been committed

to deserve such a tormenting hell

where one hopes they don't belong

the star's broken and has gone black

the cause of pain that washes away

hope and makes me wonder if I am

you could say my hearts been broken

but the pain isn't ever so blessedly isolated

It's a bit closer though

to walking in the dark

only to fall down forever

and crash on the bottom.

"climb up" and "Get over it" they call down

but I'm too broken even to crawl

to the wall of my new cell

That's who you are

you are you and that is something miraculous

something to be cherished and acknowledged

because you are you 

and you do a beautiful job

to think a being as complex as you

written out in genetic code

before you were even born

but you did't stop as a simple code

no, because as long as you can remember

your beautiful mind has sent

electrochemical signals

your dreams and hopes and memories

you seized control of your story

and so far you have done well

to go beyond the fine print

and began writing the story yourself

I don't mean to impede

upon your life, you beautiful sentient

but I have one request

don't end your story early

I wish I could speak

on this pain in my soul

but if I were to try

I think I would Die

because guess what

I have fallen into that trap

and faced the hellish consequences

so maybe I'll just stay

alone and afraid

and maybe the past

will stay away

or maybe I'm dreaming

an impossible dream

because it is so much better

silly little shadow

it's not as if you're real

silly little shadow

they know you cannot feel

solemn little shadow

with no one left to care

solemn little shadow

clinging to hope that's never there

unique little shadow

just inside of sain

unique little shadow

don't let them see your pain

brave little shadow

don't be hurt by your peers

brave little shadow

the the twinkling of stardust

from a  star that is no more

they even bear the likeness

on the nursery that star was born

but are distinct nebulas 

that have and will sculpt realities

as unique and beautifully impossible

as you will and have ever imagined

and have and will make a record

of every cruelty and kindess

every friend and every foe

every darkness and every light

they will and have given you proof

of what is and therefor must be

and through them you end your facade

allowing the truest emotions spring forth

they are the most ancient elegant things

the tall and strong pedestal

that holds your head up high

to look down on those around

forcing them away

and you can barely see the tiny fissures

that form from the abrasiveness of reality

until it is to late and it crumbles

I am truly sorry

I must have seemed like

such a fool

I don't even know what 

I am doing sometimes

and everyday

the memories get

harder and harder to grasp

and  recently all I can do

Is stumble around in this strange haze

and though I do not know for what

I am sorry

sorry for everything

sorry for interrupting your life

by my awkward struggle to stay lucid

sorry that I had to find you

only to lose you just as fast

I am so sorry

and I cannot even remember why

and now the entirety of my mortal life

is just a part of this steel and concrete

there is something I wish to tell you

that has been stuck on the tip of my tongue

and I wish I could tell you

but it's virtually impossible

because no matter how much I wish

for you to know

I rue the moment that you find out

do you remember

all of those just yesterdays

that seem to nestle themselves

so deeply within our memories

that they become engraved

the moment itself only as permanent

as the footsteps on the warm sand 

of some distant beach

and yet the memories have found 

through some great miracle of life 

to bubble to the surface

and be just yesterday

in the most amazingly

subtle manner 

from things as simple as a smile

or as elegant as a poem

and rapidly every single

just yesterday with any correlation

come to mind 

it is as if being embraced 

by your oldest friend

and as it is there 

it brings the emotions 

of the momentous moment with it

just yesterdays are a wonderful

sometimes 

I hate this

painful

world of

I have tried to make connections

with others so very hard

but the harder I try

the more brittle I become

and now I fear a glancing phrase