I love how blunt this is.
Misplaced Lens Cap

Origami Around
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Today's Document
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Not today Justin
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Game Changer & Make Some Noise

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#extradirty

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Interview Vampire Daily

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@thesupercaprisun
I love how blunt this is.

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āShh. Come here, itās a secret. Asante sana Squash banana, Wiwi nugu Mi mi apana!ā - (requested by @authordc)
Agreed.
What the fuck do you think that thing on his head is?
Malec + firsts
Girls with muscular backs: keep up the good work and please stand in front of me and flex

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i just had the most surreal experience on an elevator. me and this girl got on and I was in front of the buttons and pressed the third floor for me and I was like āwhich floor do you needā and she said āwhateverā
Aw, yeah, thatās the good shit.
weirdly, or maybe not-weirdly, photos like this fill me with hope.
Because no matter how much we stamp our feet and insist on being All-Important, maybe weāre actually not so much, and after we take ourselves off the game board in a huff of indignation, Life will barely notice we were there.Ā
When you try to replay PS1 games but the nostalgia has worn off:

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I LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE āYOU LITTLE SHITā IS A TERM OF ENDEARMENT AND ITāS MAGICAL
*petting my cat* please cure my depression cat: *prrbhbphr* me: thanks
frappemako:
the-one-inside:
someottersmarryhedgehogs:
noiselesspatientspider:
iheartuniversecookies:
angelas-extrasandstuff:
I would like to share thisĀ beautifulĀ passage with all of you, itās long, but worth it. And I swear to god I didnāt alter any of this.Ā
ā¦.
Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the showerās water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.
Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which is seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.
Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter ā hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hildaās rich chest.
As Hildaās buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm. āHilda,ā Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hildaās warm thighs. āThere is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.ā
Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.
āTorolf,ā Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. āI need you.ā Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently. Hilda looked at him expectantly. āOh, sorry,ā she added. āTorolf, I need you ā sexually.ā
At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolfās undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.
Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.
Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.
Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinsonās. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!
The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room. Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.
She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. āTorolf,ā she said softly, āthereās something I have to tell youā¦ā
But her bed was empty.
Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.
ā¦.
DICK
ANEURYSM
GALLOPING ABS
Who told this lady she could write?
Why did she ever stop?
IT GETS WORSE THE FURTHER IN THE PASSAGE YOU GO OMG
I will read this in Kermit the Frogās voice
āHer body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside itā someone put that on a shirt for me
mii-makes-art
āentered her like she was a lotteryā
I. Am. Dying.
I read this whole thing and now you have to read it also.
Oh my god this almost killed me
Writing at its finest..
@readbythestarlight
@halfblood-fiend Did I seriously just read ādick Parkinsonāsā
GALLOPING ABS IS FOREVER MY FAVORITE THING.
This post fulfills me with fulfillment.
My wet eyes are wet from wet tears! This was painfully hilarious.
spongy love mountains.
@arctic-hands @thefingerfuckingfemalefury @secchiona @smolmoonlesbian
galloping abs what the fuck
someone please draw disembodied abs running with horse legs
@cryoverkiltmilk <3
ITāS BACK OH MY GOD
No eve thatās the front of a torso not the back
Are you ABS-olutely certainabout that
Be careful not to have a dick anuerysm when seeing this people! O.O
OHMYFUCKINGGOD
@kat8noghosts this should be your next Bad Erotica Liveblog :D
That looks like an actual book-book and I donāt have the attention span for full on books of bad erotica.
ITāS BACK
hot pearlescent sperms
who the fuck published this
I want to kill myself now tbh
So there is someone who writes worse than Katarzyna Michalak!
No longer self conscious about my writing. Lmfao
Yāall, we need to write romance novels. Because if this is the bar⦠we are so high above it itās not even funny.
Iām dying though seriously WTF??? I no longer feel ANY doubt over my own writing if this shit is PUBLISHED!
WAIT.
ONE MORE THING.
SHE WAS AN EDITOR. OF MULTIPLE PUBLICATIONS.
AN EDITOR WHO LEGIT WROTE THE PHRASEĀ āDICK ATTACKā IN A REAL BOOK.
Somebody murder me.
Oww. Shit. I just want it to go on the record that this sex scene is so bad that it has caused at least one (y'know, in case someone else did it before me) asthma attack. Because that is exactly what just happened. Oww. Fuck. I canāt even stop cough-laughing about it?! Damnit! Iām legitimately going to have to go meditate because of how bad this writing is. Dear bleepness. That is probably the most impressive level of awfulness than any writer can aspire to: an actual health hazard. ā¦galloping abs. Oh my gosh. I canāt. Right. I need to leave now.
ā¦I will never be self conscious of the smut Iāve written again
dude whereās my
ability to experience pleasure in the things that give me a reason to live
This statue in Poland got covered in snow and now it looks like Darth Vader.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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hmmmm
Oh my fucking GOD canāt you people just be normal for ONCE IN YOUR LIFE
Cats are such majestic creatures. (via missvh)