fat and trans as fuck

Carrie Fisher reciting the “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi” speech through the years

1. Progesterone: not for everyone, but for many people it may increase sex drive and WILL make your boobs bigger. Also effects mood in ways that many find positive (but some find negative). Most doctors won’t prescribe this to you unless you ask. Most trans girls I know swear by it.

2. Injectible estrogen: is more effective than pill or patch form. Get on it if you can bear needles bc you will see more effects more quickly.

3. Estradiol Cypionate: There is currently a shortage of injectible estradiol valerate. There is no shortage of estradiol cypionate. Functionally they do the same shit.

The concerns surrounding venous thromboembolic events as a side-effect of hormone replacement therapy can mostly be traced back to one particular study known as the Women’s Health Initiative. This study was an enormous undertaking which, unfortunately, demonstrated significant adverse effects of the hormone therapies studied. As a result of this the use of hormone replacement therapy in postmenopausal cis women was dramatically reduced as the medical community began to question whether or not the therapy caused more harm than good.

Naturally, trans women have been suffering from this fall-out ever since.

What physicians seem to fail to recognize is that the study examined a very specific hormone regimen which was, arguably, outmoded at the time the study was conducted: It examined the use of conjugated equine estrogen (Premarin) with or without the use of medroxyprogesterone acetate. Neither of these drugs is regularly used for the treatment of transgender women.

The estrogen most commonly used to treat transgender women nowadays is 17β-estradiol either in pill form or in the form of a sticky patch that you apply to your skin. Esters of estrogen (e.g. estradiol valerate) are also sometimes used either in a pill form or as an intramuscular injection.

Transdermal estradiol patches are the gold standard when it comes to treating women who are at high risk of a venous thromboembolic event. It simply does not increase the risk of developing a venous thromboembolism. The only thing you should keep in mind is that patches are not always well tolerated because of the lifestyle changes required to keep them from falling off and the fact that they tend to irritate the skin.

Fortunately, oral 17β-estradiol appears to be safe, regardless of the increased risk. At least one large study has shown that the use of oral estradiol in trans women is not associated with venous thromboembolic events. An individual woman’s risk would need to be substantial in order to contraindicate the use of oral estradiol.

For those who have significant risk of venous thromboembolism because they have had a previous thromboembolic event, because they are paralyzed, or because of some other factor it is good to know the relative risk between oral and transdermal estrogen. The latest research indicates that the use of transdermal estrogen lowers your risk of a thromboembolism to 80% of what your risk would be using oral estrogens.

It’s difficult to find hard numbers regarding the relative risk of venous thromboembolic events with regards to hypertension. The best I could find after an hour or so of searching was this study regarding VTE in lung cancer patients. Hypertension increased the risk by a factor of 1.8.

However, to put that into perspective being of African descent increases your relative risk for deep vein thrombosis by a factor of 1.3 when compared to Europeans. Europeans are, themselves, at increased risk when compared to Asians and Pacific Islanders by a considerable margin: a four-fold increase.

I should point out that being ‘male’ is also a risk factor for developing a thromboembolism and hormones are likely to be a contributing factor. Also, menopause is another serious risk factor. Given this information it is likely that the use of transdermal estradiol will lower your risk of thromboembolic events significantly.

As far as the anti-androgen is concerned: The primary use for spironolactone for cisgender people is as an antihypertensive.

Even if the risk of thromboembolism was truly significant with modern hormone replacement therapy it wouldn’t justify what your doctor is doing to you. The fact is that mortality in the transgender community from suicide–caused in part due to the lack of access to hormone therapy–is substantial. The quality of life lost when a trans woman is denied hormone therapy is substantial. The fact that your doctor does not appear to be taking this into consideration when they weigh the risk of thromboembolism against not receiving necessary medical care is deeply concerning.

I strongly recommend that you seek a doctor who is more sensitive to your medical needs as a transgender woman.

Hello Tumblr! I’m Charles, a transgender male researcher doing research into the psychology of gender dysphoria at the University of Southern California. I hope to use the insights gathered by this research to bring transgender perspectives and nonbinary inclusion into the research discourse on transgender issues, which has been done almost entirely by cisgender scientists.

I am looking for participants to take my 15 minute survey on gender dysphoria. I especially need transgender participants, but cisgender people are encouraged to take the survey so I can use their experiences for comparison! The survey is completely anonymous and no personally identifying information is obtained. This research was approved by the USC Institutional Review Board and was judged as having the least risk to participants.

The survey has multiple pages so please click the arrows on the bottom of the pages through to the end. I appreciate your participation and hope to be able to use the results to help the transgender community! 

I mean, while it may be possible, I don’t think it’s likely, especially if you had any of these feelings before. Did you ever feel like your body was wrong before you found out that being trans was a thing? Did you ever fear growing up as your birth sex, or think that even though you logically understood that females grow boobs and males get deep voices, you would be the exception? These are signs of dysphoria that you might not even have realized you were experiencing.

A lot of people do realize that they are trans after hearing about it through media. After all, if you think about it, being trans is kind of “out there”, and if you didn’t even know it was possible to be trans until you saw it on tumblr, of course you wouldn’t have thought “this could be me” until you were exposed to it. 

Some people take a really long time to realize they’re trans, even after being exposed to a lot of information about it. That’s okay. They’re not any less trans than people who have known since they were little kids. No matter how you find out you’re trans, you’re not any less “real” because of it.

catch me showing up to the gender reveal party 24 years late with an estrogen prescription. 

(this is a coming out post I published elsewhere, y’all already know im trans lmao. but the pics and message are still nice)

(she/her)

for a long time I’ve known that im transgender, and im so relieved and terrified to finally be able to say so publicly and shamelessly, so here I am. my name is jaime and im a gay transgender woman. 

I feel as though im just now starting my life despite the fact that im probably a quarter through it already, if im lucky. due to interpersonal and societal abuse, repression, mental health issues, and denial I have struggled with my identity in so many ways, and im proud of where I have ended up. 

I have so much love in my heart to give, and thanks to my dedication to growth and the unbelievably caring support from my partner and friends, for the first time I feel like im building myself up into a person worth being instead of merely stalling. for two decades my life and sense of self was a torn down mobile home on land I didnt own, but finally I have a foundation and support from within and from others. 

so thank you from the bottom of my heart to my friends who have kept me afloat despite my affinity for drowning. you’re a massively significant reason im here, and for the first time I feel as if you’re not leaving, and that we’ll be with each other moving forward into better and better lives. I want to list and address you all, but this post is already a novel and it’s just getting longer, and my nonexistent memory would surely have me forget a name or two. for those of you who have supported me, you know who you are. i love you dearly.

thank you to my love kat for being the most sweet, caring, clever, goofy, and beautiful person I know. you’ve been with me through so much but more specifically you have firsthand seen this process unfold, and you have been as supportive and helpful as this lucky lady could ever hope for. you knew from our first date i’d end up here (as did I) but you never pushed and let me do this at my own pace. you’re not the person I told things to after the fact, you’re the one who thought them through with me, and I love you more than I thought my heart was ever capable of. 

thank you to all my friends’ parents who heard my situation and lept to practically adopt me. you embraced me instead of offering mere tolerance or acceptance, and to have support from parental figures in this journey has been strange, wonderful, refreshing, and empowering in ways I struggle to communicate. 

ive been building myself up from ashes born from abuse for almost a decade now, and coming to terms and embracing my gender has been the hardest, most terrifying, and most vital step. I need to remind myself to take pride in getting here and not simply look toward the future, because this has been the hardest work ive ever done and so many times I stumbled, and so many others I almost crashed and burned. 

if anyone reading this has anything in their heart other than positivity for what im saying here then save us both time and see yourself out. you will not be engaged with and I can guarantee you that I have survived much worse. your small-minded attitudes will neither effect me nor be tolerated.

You know what made me figure out that I’m trans though? Gender euphoria. The minute I got called a ‘sir’ is the moment that I realized, “shit this feels right.” And at that point I realized that I could no longer deny the fact that I’m not a woman and that I couldn’t keep living as one.

Social security card

Driver’s license

Passport

Birth certificate

Employer HR

Bank account

Credit card company

Car insurance

Health insurance

Utilities

Cell phone account

Voter registration

Your school

Professional organizations (for nursing, bar, teaching, etc.)

Doctor’s office & other health specialists

TV & internet

Paypal

Trans boys and that have trouble growing facial/body hair? Adorable! 💙

Trans boys that struggle with large breasts? Drop-dead gorgeous! 💗

Trans boys that enjoy makeup/feminine fashion? Cute as hell! 💙

Trans boys that can’t/don’t want to go on hormones? Elegant! 💗

Gay trans boys that get told they’re straight girls in disguise? You are so totally gay! 💙

Straight trans boys that get told they’re lesbians in disguise? You are super-duper straight! 💗

Trans boys that aren’t out yet? Breathtakingly handsome! 💙(and good luck!!!)

Me, a trans man on the danger list for ovarian cancer and is going to get them removed in the distant or near future:

“you need ovaries to be a wombyn!!!”

transman: guess who got that shit removed I’m a Real Boy™ now

“nO not like that you still have a uterus that makes you female!!!”

ciswoman who’s had a complete hysterectomy: guess i’m not a woman then

“tHAT”S NOT WHAT I MEANT if you have a vagina/vulva you’re female!!!”

transwoman who’s had bottom surgery: oooh i’ve got one of those does that mean i’m a Real Girl™ now??”

“NO YOU DON’T HAVE OVARIES OR A UTERUS”

literally everyone except terfs: *squints*

A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.

This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.  

THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.

You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind. 

People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.

In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture. 

Therefore, I present to you: 

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS

–Go on a walk

–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.

–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching

–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind

–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift 

–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:

–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.

–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see. 

–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in. 

–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.) 

–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety. 

–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel. 

–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless. 

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:

–List the capitals of all the U.S. states

–List the capitals of all the European countries

–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors. 

–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.

–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.  

Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself.  I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too.