The Salt Witch

Something my mom used to say when I was growing up that has haunted me since I was diagnosed with PCOS, especially now that I’m desperately trying to conceive. I 100% disagree, and would never think this about another person, but I’ve thought it a lot in relation to myself. What if I’m not meant to be a mother? What if I’ll be so selfish, like mine and my husband’s mothers but worse, that the powers that be just decided it was best that I just wasn’t?

It’s worse now that I’m on the medroxyprogesterone. Hormones do INSANE things to my body and mind, which is why I avoided birth control for years, but my doctor prescribed it to try and regulate my period. 

Me: Goes out and buys pregnancy test

Me: Ok I bought tests but I'm going to wait until tomorrow morning to test

Me: Takes test at 2 PM

Test: BFN

I’ve decided to start a blog to chronicle my struggles with PCOS now that I’m trying to conceive. I come from a family of “oops” babies to young mothers (teens and very early 20s), and in my field of work/group of friends 23 was too young to get engaged, 24 too young to get married, and 25 waaay too young to be considering having a baby. 

But, I have a good job and a wonderful husband whom I love more than anything in the world. It’s funny, because my parents would always suggest I was too selfish to be a mom when I was growing up (often citing an incident when I got scared at 5 and left my 4 year old sister outside because I was scared lol), but my whole life I’ve wanted to be a mother. Not as the focus of my life mind you, but just as a fulfilling piece of the whole. And yes, as the oldest of 4 (with a brother who is 8, a sister who is 14, a young niece) and having worked in the preschool my parents own as a teen and throughout college, I do understand (as much as I can without being a parent myself) how much work goes into children. 

I guess I’m basically just looking for  a community who is going through the same thing as I am and has the same mindset about wanting children. Also, a place to hold my self accountable (weight loss would be great to help me at this point) and find inspiration would be amazing. 

My husband and I have only been actively trying since around June, but my doctor did confirm that I’m not ovulating. I just started on medroxyprogesterone to regulate my period, so we’ll see what happens from here. I’m considering this my new beginning, which is the perfect place to start this blog.