THE RUSH IS LOUD

I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of pining away for people that don't pine for me. I'm tired of seeing assholes fall ass backwards into relationships with wonderful women and no woman I ever want, wants me back. I'm tired of putting out the effort to be outgoing and try to get anyone's attention when it never pays off. I'm tired of trying.

I don't even know what to do anymore. I feel like I've tried everything I could think of. What else is there to do? What more could I possibly have done this time so it would work out?

It was only 5 weeks but I'm just crushed. I want the world to disappear right now. What's ironic is that I'm alone now; the world has disappeared and left me here.

I want to put my fist through a wall, break every bone in my hand. But I also just want to sit in silence and mourn the dreams that'll never come to pass.

For the first time in my life I want to get drunk. I think I get the desire to be numb now.