six: the musical starters
Because if you’re not obsessed with a rock musical about Henry VIII’s wives, what even is your life? Sorted by song. Feel free to change pronouns and the like.
Trigger warnings: body image, misogyny mention
“Listen up, let me tell you a story.”
“Let me tell you a story you think you’ve heard before.”
“I picked up a pen and a microphone.”
“History’s about to get overthrown.”
“Tonight we’re gonna do ourselves justice.”
“We’re taking you to court.”
“My loyalty is to the Vatican.”
“If you try to dump me… you won’t try that again.”
“[Name], the only one he truly loved.”
“I didn’t look as good as I did in my pic.”
“Funny how we all discuss that, but never [name]’s small d–”
“Lock up your husbands, lock up your sons – [name] is here.”
“I saw him to the end of his life.”
“I bet you wanna know how I got this far.”
“I’ve never lost control, no matter how many times I knew you lied.”
“Have my golden rule: gotta keep it cool.”
“Even though you’ve had your fun, running around with some pretty young thing…”
“You’ve had one son with someone who don’t own a wedding ring.”
“No matter what I heard, I didn’t say one thing.”
“Now it’s time to shh, and listen.”
“You must think that I’m crazy.”
“You wanna replace me? Baby, there’s no, no, no, no, no, no, no way.”
“Weren’t you there when I gave birth to [name]?”
“Daughters are so easy to forget.”
“Please, tell me what you think I’ve done wrong.”
“Been humble, been loyal – I’ve swallowed my pride all along.”
“If you can just explain a single thing I’ve done to cause you pain… I’ll go.”
“I’ll be queen ‘til the end of my life.”
“Politics? Not my thing.”
“My daddy said, ‘You should try and get ahead.’“
“He wanted me – obviously.”
“Who was I kidding? I was prête à manger.”
“You’re a nice guy. I’ll think about it, maybe.”
“I didn’t know I would move in with his missus.”
“You’re living with his wife!”
“What was I supposed to do?”
“Sorry, not sorry ‘bout what I said.”
“I’m just trying to have some fun.”
“Don’t worry, don’t worry, don’t lose your head.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”
“Don’t wanna be some girl in a threesome.”
“Don’t be bitter ‘cause I’m fitter.”
“He doesn’t wanna bang you.”
“Your comment went viral.”
“I didn’t really mean it, but rumors spiral.”
“Wow, [name], way to make the country hate you.”
“Got a promotion, caused a commotion.”
“The rules were so outdated.”
“Us two wanted to get x-rated.”
“Everybody chill, it’s totes God’s will.”
“[Name]’s out every night on the town, just sleeping around – like, what the hell?”
“If that’s how it’s gonna be, maybe I’ll flirt with a guy or three.”
“I wouldn’t be such a bitch if you could get it up.”
“You’ve got a good heart, but I know it changes.”
“I knew I’d always stay.”
“You can try, but I’m unbreakable.”
“You can do your best, but I’ll stand the test.”
“You say we’re perfect. A perfect family.”
“When I say you’re the only one I’ve ever loved, I mean those words truthfully.”
“I know, without my son, your love could disappear.”
“I hope my son will know, he’ll never be alone.”
“No one wants a waist over nine inches.”
“At least your complexion brings all the boys in.”
“Ignore the fear and you’ll be fine.”
“We cannot guarantee that you’ll still walk at forty.”
“Sitting here, all alone, on a throne… in a palace that happen to own.”
“Not very prim and proper.”
“I wanna go hunting. Any takers?”
“I’ve got acres and acres, paid for by my own riches.”
“You say that I tricked ya, ‘cause I didn’t look like my profile picture.”
“You can’t stop me, ‘cause I’m the queen of the castle.”
“When I get bored, I go to court.”
“Now, I ain’t saying I’m a gold digger…”
“Check my prenup, and go figure.”
“No one tells me I need a rich man.”
“I think we can all agree, I’m the ten amongst these threes.”
“I was thirteen, going on thirty.”
“He plucked my strings all the way to G.”
“Tell me what you need, what you want, you don’t need to plead.”
“I feel the chemistry. Like, I get you, and you get me.”
“He just cares so much, it feels legit. We have a connection… I think this guy is different!”
“Tell me I’m the fairest of the fair.”
“He even let me use his favorite quill. Spilled ink all over the parchment, my wrist was so tired…”
“I’m sure this time is different.”
“Yeah, that didn’t work out. So I decided to have a break from boys.”
“You’ll never guess who I met.”
“He swears it’s true – that without me, he doesn’t know what he’d do.”
“He cares so much. He calls me ‘love.’”
“His temper’s short, and his mates are sleazy.”
“He’s a really nice guy, just… so sincere.”
“So sweet, making sure I’m okay.”
“We hang out loads when [name]’s away.”
“This guy, finally, is what I want, the friend I need.”
“Just mates, no chemistry.”
“I get him, and he gets me – and there’s nothing more to it.”
“I thought this time was different…”
“Why did I think he’d be different?!”
“I wish I could stay with you.”
“It’s true, I’ll never be over you.”
“I have a future built in my mind with you.”
“I don’t need your love.”
“Been a wife twice before, just to survive.”
“If [name] says ‘It’s you,’ then… it’s you.”
“No matter how I feel, it’s what I have to do.”
“I am not your toy to enjoy till there’s something new.”
“As if I’m gonna give up my boy, my work, my dreams, to care for you.”
“Tonight, I’m singing this for me.”
“We don’t need your love.”
“He got down on one knee, but I said, ‘No way!’”
“This song blew their minds. Next minute, I was signed!”
“Since my first son, our family’s grown.”
“We’re one of a kind – no category.”
“I showed them how to party.”
“I thought, ‘Who needs him? I can give it a try.’”
“All I do is sing, and I’ll do that until I die.”
“We’re free to take our crowning glory for five more minutes.”
