simple argument in favor of directly expressing approval of other people
(in the context of the Bonobo Rationality disputes, etc.)
Whether or not you receive any explicit expressions of approval in the course of your daily life, you are likely ā at least at certain times ā to receive explicit expressions of disapproval.
People often feel they can afford to leave affection and approval implicit. Ā āOf course I like you ā otherwise why would I be hanging out with you? Ā Iām always free to leave, after all.ā Ā (This is not stated, just taken as given.) Ā On the other hand, when someone disapproves of your behavior, there are emotions (anger, righteous outrage, etc.) that encourage them to explicitly tell you how much they disapprove.
The result is an imbalance in which the feedback one gets on oneās behavior is much more precise and reliable on the negative side than on the positive side. Ā When one asks,Ā āwhen have people objected to my behavior?ā, obvious and inarguable and crystal-clear cases spring to mind. Ā When one asks,Ā āwhen have people approved ofĀ my behavior?ā ā well, someĀ explicit cases will probably spring to mind. Ā But much of the existing approval is buried inside structures of implication āĀ āmy friends presumablyĀ derive pleasure from my existence, right? Ā I hope?ā
It is useful to know when you are doing especially well, not just when you are doing especially poorly. Ā And beyond that, I suspect a lot of (fundamentally decent) people harbor unfounded worries about their moral character that would go away if it were normal forĀ āyou make me happy!ā to be stated just as clearly and explicitly asĀ āyou make me unhappy!ā tends to get stated, when it is stated.
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