Untitled

As the daughter of Midwest Catholics of German-Irish descent, I didn’t know anyone Jewish until I went away to college. I realized embarrassingly late in life that “Friedman” is a common Jewish surname, despite as a kid having learned about the Holocaust and devoured YA lit featuring Jewish protagonists with names similar to my own. 

I’ve been getting anti-semitic hate mail since my name first appeared on a magazine masthead. These days, every time I write something about whiteness or racism, I’m bombarded with tweets like the one above. I’m sometimes tempted to not-so-gently correct them. But it’s impossible to say, even plainly, “Uh, I’m not Jewish” to people like this without tacitly accepting their point that, were I Jewish, I would be deserving of their hate speech or, in this case, that I would not have white privilege. They are simply wrong. About everything.

Once, when I was a teenager, I was wandering through the county fair holding hands with my best friend. A group of older dudes started threatening us and calling us lesbians. We didn’t correct them, mostly because we were too scared to speak. But we didn’t let go of each other’s hands either.

You can’t come here looking for answers. I wouldn’t suggest it, anyway. You have to come here with a purpose and a rather delusional concept of your own odds of survival. You have to believe in yourself like you’re a three-year old standing at the edge of her bed, wearing a homemade cape. You can’t come here hoping the universe will guide you, because the universe will kick you in the balls and send you home.

#1: You admire a character for trying more than for their successes.

#2: You gotta keep in mind what’s interesting to you as an audience, not what’s fun to do as a writer. They can be v. different.

#3: Trying for theme is important, but you won’t see what the story is actually about til you’re at the end of it. Now rewrite.

#4: Once upon a time there was ___. Every day, ___. One day ___. Because of that, ___. Because of that, ___. Until finally ___.

#5: Simplify. Focus. Combine characters. Hop over detours. You’ll feel like you’re losing valuable stuff but it sets you free.

#6: What is your character good at, comfortable with? Throw the polar opposite at them. Challenge them. How do they deal?

#7: Come up with your ending before you figure out your middle. Seriously. Endings are hard, get yours working up front.

#8: Finish your story, let go even if it’s not perfect. In an ideal world you have both, but move on. Do better next time.

#9: When you’re stuck, make a list of what WOULDN’T happen next. Lots of times the material to get you unstuck will show up.

#10: Pull apart the stories you like. What you like in them is a part of you; you’ve got to recognize it before you can use it.

#11: Putting it on paper lets you start fixing it. If it stays in your head, a perfect idea, you’ll never share it with anyone.

#12: Discount the 1st thing that comes to mind. And the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th – get the obvious out of the way. Surprise yourself.

#13: Give your characters opinions. Passive/malleable might seem likable to you as you write, but it’s poison to the audience.

#14: Why must you tell THIS story? What’s the belief burning within you that your story feeds off of? That’s the heart of it.

#15: If you were your character, in this situation, how would you feel? Honesty lends credibility to unbelievable situations.

#16: What are the stakes? Give us reason to root for the character. What happens if they don’t succeed? Stack the odds against.

#17: No work is ever wasted. If it’s not working, let go and move on - it’ll come back around to be useful later.

#18: You have to know yourself: the difference between doing your best & fussing. Story is testing, not refining.

#19: Coincidences to get characters into trouble are great; coincidences to get them out of it are cheating.

#20: Exercise: take the building blocks of a movie you dislike. How d’you rearrange them into what you DO like?

#21: You gotta identify with your situation/characters, can’t just write ‘cool’. What would make YOU act that way?

Kristen Bell Meets Sloth, Has Stage-Five Meltdown