Busy As A Bee On A Sugar Rush

tfw you've been assigned to bring in the only little people alien invaders with a (semi) working spaceship alive and gather as much information about them and their ship as possible but they keep inexplicably escaping every time you manage to catch them but they also break into your office through the vents to borrow your phone or tell you about crimes that need solving or to set something on fire and you have other cases on your desk that need your attention why won't they leave you alone you have paperwork to finish and is it too early to retire yet

you know i've always sympathized with the whole "throwing The Character into the torment nexus" posts going around tumblr but it didn't really hit me until i started my Land of the Giant deep-dive/series bible project and realized if i inflict the main cast upon Inspector Dobbs Kobick (their antagonist) enough times, the man was sure to get an aneurysm or or a hernia or an ulcer or just plain snap like a twig from the stress. there's a reason he shows up more often in my proposed series than he did in the original series (only 8 episodes, which is a damn shame)

for my version of kobick, i'm sticking closer to his original actor/design because 1. kevin hagen was a pretty good actor and endeared me to this character and B. it was A Look and who am i to think i could improve on perfection? minor differences include hairstyle/color, glasses frames, and his pocket watch chain, but it's still the recognizable original outfit for the most part

kobick never took off his suit jacket on the show, but i spent time on this fucking waistcoat so you're going to see it goddamnit

also a quick recreation of what i've dubbed the Fuck Ass Shit Suit from kobick's final appearance on the show because god fuck it was such a fucking downgrade what the absolute fuck was going on here. where the hell are his glasses? they even gave him a fucking wristwatch! disgusting.

evidence/rant concerning the FAS Suit + the original attempt at this pose and also a clear shot of his expression

so i can make a more accurate-ish and easier to navigate Master Post for the rambles

but the site i've been using has decided some days it wants to work and other days it wants to pretend it doesn't know what a video is

because the site i was using had no problem playing episodes before now and has no problem loading movies (like, say, ratatouille or the willoughbys or project hail mary) but heaven forfend it still play THE DAMN TV SERIES IT JUST CYCLED THROUGH NOT TOO LONG AGO

a blu ray/dvd player attachment is on its way (eventually)

"don't you have a ps3 that you could use instead?"

i do, the original 60g that's ps1/2/3 compatible, his name is draugluin, thanks for asking. but i also have no room to set it up properly and i also want an actual factual tv again someday to play and watch shit like i used to

"can't you just watch these episodes on like youtube or dailymotion instead of whatever site you were using?"

"let me dig out my giant cd binder full of my precious video game cds and dvds and blu rays!"

"naturally, the very set of dvds i purposefully bought this attachment for will be in there!"

"..."

"...where the fuck are my bootlegs."

yeah

either my bootleg set of land of the giants dvds are still in my aunt's garage in new jersey

or

they fell to the wayside with a couple boxes and bags on some road in wisconsin at the tail end of march 2021 when i made the move from ohio to washington state

well

at least i can watch something else using this attachment right?

...what do you mean i have to download a fucking separate app to use this fucking thing

fuck

my

entire

life

EDIT: GOD FUCK I FOUND THE INTERNET ARCHIVE PARENT LISTING FOR THE SERIES

BECAUSE I SEARCHED BY A SPECIFIC EPISODE FIRST

SINCE FOR SOME FUCKING REASON IT DIDN'T SHOW JACK SHIT FOR THE SERIES NAME ITSELF

WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO HARD TO FIND SHIT ON INTERNET ARCHIVE

WHY IS THEIR SEARCH THE WAY IT IS

FUCK

Suns and moons pass. Streak in the ring finger. Smudge on the pinky. A full-handed block at the cost of three nails of paint. A hit on his master, and he hoots in delight until the master points out the unguarded toe whose polish is now streaked across the master's robe.

Days pass in frustration and exhaustion. By day 40, he has every digit of his acutely in his mind's eye. He senses the master's attack, ducks, dodges, all fingers all toes all himself, aware, and he strikes with his wooden sword.

It connects with the master. The master pauses. The trainee raises his left hand into view--5 digits of flawless sunflower yellow. His left foot. His right foot. And finally his right hand, raised in triumph.

The master smiles. "You have passed. I have just one more technique to teach you."

🍎 @phantomrose96

A master to his action-hero trainee says, "Your movements are sloppy. You lack awareness of your body when you fight. Your hands move and yet you do not hold them in your mind's eye. Come. We will remedy this."

And then the master paints his trainee's fingernails and orders the trainee to complete a series of complicated tasks without smudging the nail polish.

🍎 @phantomrose96

Trainee grumbles that this is stupid when the first set of tasks is just cleaning the dojo. Within two minutes he reaches for the dustpan and knocks the edge of his pinky nail against it in a way he's never noticed before. He's staring at the baby blue smudge and suddenly he understands things differently.

🍎 @phantomrose96

There's a montage of days passing as he fetches water, chops wood, hoes crops, washes clothes. His nails are a different color during each cut. He's sprinting up the mountain with a fresh wet pedicure and the master is nodding in approval. The master's nails are flawless tech art.

🍎 @phantomrose96

He's reached his final assessment and it's a sparing match against his master. The air smells of acetone. His and the master's nails are all freshly painted. He must land a blow on the master with his mani and pedi fully intact.

Suns and moons pass. Streak in the ring finger. Smudge on the pinky. A full-handed block at the cost of three nails of paint. A hit on his master, and he hoots in delight until the master points out the unguarded toe whose polish is now streaked across the master's robe.

Days pass in frustration and exhaustion. By day 40, he has every digit of his acutely in his mind's eye. He senses the master's attack, ducks, dodges, all fingers all toes all himself, aware, and he strikes with his wooden sword.

It connects with the master. The master pauses. The trainee raises his left hand into view--5 digits of flawless sunflower yellow. His left foot. His right foot. And finally his right hand, raised in triumph.

The master smiles. "You have passed. I have just one more technique to teach you."

The technique is how to draw little flowers into the nail art. So really this one is optional.