rivets & stitches

“No, it’s actually an immaculate conception and there’s a betting pool to see which god decided to place a squatter in my womb, do you want in on it?” The intensity of the moment didn’t affect the words that were tauntingly ready on the tip of her tongue. She could have feigned stoicism, to have crawled away from him in exhaustion yet something had sparked alive in her chest the moment he walked into the room. Silence slipped in, however, allowing several beats to pass where her knuckles whitened with the grasp of her robe until she released a deep sigh. “But yes, it’s his.” To speak Phoenix’s name felt like a calling card, that if she dared to even whisper it, he would creep out from the shadows to put an end to the pathetic existence she’d become. “And as far as staying away goes, it’s best for me if I don’t ever go back.” She had always been displaced; she never truly had a home or a family, and still, the idea of running away from the small reliefs she had built had broken the spirit that kept her fighting all those years. Theo exuded warmth in ways that Minji couldn’t grasp or find comfort in, not when she was a hindrance to an open heart instead of someone who could ease his burdens. “Nothing I feel for him right now is love.” Minji gritted her teeth while she spoke; struggling in response to the kindness and zoning in on the mention that she had loved Phoenix; a disastrous choice of feelings for a child of a god although they were spiralling towards hatred. “And you should feel the same for me, you shouldn’t want to be here with me after what happened at the ball and you shouldn’t want to deal with this.” She slipped from the edge of the bed, abandoning her robe once her feet were planted on the ground, white chemise grazing her knees and giving only a shred of concealment. Her hands came to rest on her stomach with a step towards the window, bringing her closer to him, an acceptance that hiding herself was futile. “I won’t kick you out or scream at you to leave, I can’t make you do anything apparently, but I can tell you that you’re stupid and if you’re staying, you’re here to plan my funeral because I’m good as dead when he finds out, pretty boy.” 

“Smartass.” Theo chuckled under his breath even though the situation was much more severe, but he couldn’t help but enjoy the sarcasm slipping her lips like nothing had changed. “I would love to have it. If you don’t mind? I think I would make a wonderful father.” He always dreamed of becoming a father, whether to a daughter or son, watching them grow old and taking after their parents. Hearing the words: ‘You raised them well’ was his life goal. Theo felt the anger she spewed towards the man he never met, the room channeling pure hatred for someone who put her in this position, but he had no reason to think of him during their time together. All he wanted to think about was her. “I wanted to see you. If you ever decide to come back, then I will be there. It doesn’t matter how much time passes, and I will always be right where you left me.” Theo clutched his wrist, forming a brave face, knowing he could never ask her to return with him. This was a choice she had to make on her own; besides, begging her wouldn’t be very charming of him. As his ears picked up on the words, his eyes stayed glued to the window as doves flocked by, and to his surprise, Custos had been blessed to always stay in a breezy season. It was always interesting to see how the lesser gods blessed their houses, and it was fitting for the house to be glimmering in warmth. “You still feel something for him.” Theo managed to turn on his heels, allowing himself to break the rules she had set for only a brief moment to address his feelings for that moment. “The only thing I feel for you is love. I blame only myself for what happened at the ball; I should’ve seized the moment when I had the chance. I am not angry about what you decided to do with your own body, Minji. Those are your decisions to make, but I am angry at myself for not returning fast enough to avoid it from happening.” His words were genuine; even the nurses surrounding the halls had stopped in their tracks to hear them. Theo never took his focus off those pretty eyes he adored, and with cautious movements, he raised his arms. Fingers coming into contact with her cheeks, lips slowly yet delicately pressing a kiss to her forehead. “How did you know my new profession? I suppose you’d want a bright-colored funeral? I will invite everyone you know, and they’d all have to give a speech about how such a warm woman you were. How does this sound?”

Minji had chosen to seek sanctuary, or at least a temporary refuge from the judgement of those that mattered most; and Custos had accepted her without question. Bundled into a room that was solely her own to come and go - the latter she didn’t do much of unless she was required to. “You need to eat a little more, I’ll leave it here for you.” The plate of fresh Custos delicacies was set on her bedside while the midwife laid a gentle hand on the back of her head and while Minji’s eyes followed the initial movement, she stopped verbalising her distaste for their affections because it made little difference. “I’ll be back in a few hours.” Fingers trailed on the ends of her hair; the blue hair that she fled with was now a sandy brown, chopped just below the edge of her jaw. Inconspicuous amongst the other women and this way, there was less of her to grab onto. She didn’t register the midwife’s disappearance nor did she glance towards the door once it opened again, at least not until a voice she’d desperately missed filled the room. “Theo?” Suddenly, she doubted her mind as she straightened in order to view him, his questions skimming past her ears when her mind flared into a panic as she took him in. A face that had only ever been kind yet she couldn't look at him for more than a single breath. Movement hadn't come swiftly as it once did, yet she swung her legs free from blankets faster than she had shifted in a month all to set her back to him. “Why are you here?” She didn’t speak unkindly, instead, there was an edge of tiredness to her tone and a hint of curiosity; of all people to track her down she hadn’t expected it to be him. “Whatever the reason is, you shouldn’t have come.” Minji tugged at her robe, drawing the fabric to the front and tucking it around her stomach. She'd been thankful that despite the months that had passed, she couldn’t even cradle the bump that had formed, not as obvious as those that occupied the rooms surrounding her. It was only a matter of time; at least that was what the midwives told her with cheek-splitting grins and high-pitched voices, that someday soon her bump would pop. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“You surely know how to make someone feel welcomed.” Theo showed her a tender smile before taking the hint, standing up to make his way to the large windows, perfect when the sun was rising. Even now, the room lit up, and the sun was no match for how she glistened the second he saw her. “The baby is his, isn’t it?” His arms clasped his wrists from behind, and he glanced down at a small family walking around the facility with a brand-new baby. Theo maintained his charming composure, anger subsiding as he thought about how she was left without a word and the man she loved was out enjoying himself, unaware of what he did. “How long were you planning to stay away?” He had no right to hold a grudge after what he did months ago, leaving her without a single letter, and he believed it to be karma. “I didn’t think you’d ever come back, and I thought about you every day. I wondered if you were eating well, sleeping well, and if you finally found an inch of happiness.” Theo respected her wishes by not looking at her; instead, he focused on the fact that this house seemed light-filled. It was peaceful, and he was glad that her time spent there wasn’t all alone with the amount of laughter that filled the hall. “If you’ll allow me, I want to be your shoulder to cry on. I’ve come to terms with my position in your life, and you will never love me the way you love him. I can’t change that about you, but I can be by your side for every minute of it.” There was an emotion Theo couldn’t understand fully, unrequited love, but he couldn’t bear to leave her even if it hurt him. Minji became meaningful to him, and everyone knew his feelings for her. “I’m sorry for coming here announced. I was simply worried about you because you vanished from my life, and I couldn’t handle the thought of never being able to see you again.” His footsteps were careful as he made his way to the window seat, a soft sigh escaping his lips as he found relief. “I finally found you.” He didn’t mind staying in the same spot for weeks, waiting for her to call out to him, and Theo found peace in his place. “If you don’t mind, I’ll stay with you for a while.”

Moan ragged as she cocked her lips towards his ear, they were drawing attention and her common sense attempted to warn her from continuing but her sense was floundering once his mouth edged her nipple. “I’ll let it be yours.” A sweetness tinged her voice, although he had previously assured her he hadn’t intended to own her, she wanted him to claim her. “I want… hm.” His lips a distraction from the unholy statement readied on the tip of her tongue, laying her passion into his mouth until he was speaking sweetness between shuddering breaths. The drink had lightened her mind, his heartfelt confessions littered with deep affection would have had her sprinting if she hadn’t been under the influence. Her hands searched him vigilantly, smoothing over his biceps one moment and following the lines of his abdomen through his shirt the next, and without hesitation, she was running a finger inside his waistband. “Want, want, want.” She echoed him with a sigh, easing her head back so that he could no longer catch her mouth, and she sighed at the image in front of her. A purity that she never had trapped in his eyes, a genuine desire to love her and she melded her torso with his, legs weakening beneath her. “I want you to start taking.” A smile lit up her features, unravelling herself from her to take hold of his hand, pushing off of him to exit the dance floor. “Come with me, pretty boy.” Usually, she would have taken great pleasure in settling into the motions with an audience, but something seized in the pit of her stomach at the idea of sharing this first with the world. She wanted him to herself, in all his entirety, she wanted to be the only one to lay eyes on him. She clung to his hand even as they escaped the dance formations, leading him away until the crowd thinned and they were slipping into a hallway with limited spectators. Barely a light touched the walls, growing colder the further that she led him until she gave into temptation outside a door that could have led to a bathroom or dungeon for all Minji cared as she leaned back against it, using his waistband to pull him to her. “Every single thing in that head of yours right now.” She tapped his temple, a gentle motion that prevented her from resisting the temptation to rest her palm on his cheek. Her lips were on the edge of his mouth, distracting herself from her words as her mind skipped several steps ahead, and she moaned at the thought of what she wanted to do to him, or more so, what she wanted him to do to her. “Do it to me, all of it, everything, anything..” The final word was a whisper on her tongue while her palm lifted from his cheek, trailing his neck and down his torso in seconds, thumb catching on his waistband. “Fuck me - no… make love to me.” She was certain there wasn’t a difference, but he had piqued her interest; she wanted to know if sex with him would ignite something new.  Fingers sprawled out on his crotch, the shape of him against her fingertips was enough to tempt her, and she never did have the patience of a virtuous woman. She hadn’t waited for the invitation to pop the button of his trousers and slip her hand beneath the fabric, his skin warm under her touch and she revelled in it as she secured his length in her hand, rubbing in a slow and smooth motion. 

The talking smirred down as their bodies collided, gasping for air between heated kisses, and hands searching for something other than fabric to be satisfied. Theo indulged in the taste of her, listening to the voices in his head that she was delicious yet dangerous in this position. His actions were provoked, filled with lust that he couldn’t understand himself, watching as the room turned a shade of unexplainable red. Theo kept silent as she guided him throughout the crowd, head rolling side to side as he watched others deep in their sexual trance for their partners. It wasn’t abnormal to witness all genders drowning in each other, removing their clothing as the air became humid from the amounts of endorphins released. “Hi, handsome.” At his five, Theo caught the woman who spoke, and fair enough because she was angelic, but his body managed to answer on its own. Shaking his head in response to her call, shrugging his shoulders before eyes darted to the back of Minji’s head. The further she guided him, the darker it became, and the blaring of the music became muffled. His eyes wandered downwards, watching as she handled him with ease, and it sent an unusual sensation throughout his body. Questioning his morals again and again, Theo found himself trying to decide while the woman who made his heart soar was unwrapping him effortlessly. “Minji..” Her name sounded sweet between his lips, almost honey dripping, but he knew that this was all due to the magical brewing of Strife liquor. “Fuck.” The coldness of her hand around his length caused his head to crane back, an ungodly sensation within the halls of Strife, and his lips parted to release a moan caused by her slow and smooth motions. As much as he yearned to show her the love he had grown for her in these months, Theo heard the opposite in his mind as it begged him to rip the fabric on her body and abuse her endlessly until she was crying out his name. It was wrong for him to think of ways to torture her sexually. This was not him, it would never be him, not now. “No.” His voice was hoarse, hand reaching down to remove her from his trousers, and quickly adjusted his garment. “You’re drunk, I’m drunk. I want you sober, I want you to remember what it feels like when I make love to you. I don’t want the effects of this drink to be the sole reason for sleeping with me.” Any man would dive into sexual desires, especially with a woman like Minji, there would be no reason for any man to deny her in this influenced state of mind. Theo happened to be the only man who refused to bed a woman while he was inebriated, even with the desperation of his throbbing bottom half. “I’m going to get you some water. Don’t move from here, okay?” His words were soft, leaning down to press a kiss to her lips then one against her forehead. “I want to make love to you, but under the right circumstances. I don’t consider you a one-night fling. If you’re not here when I return then I understand,” Theo wrapped a hand around the handle of the door which led to a bathroom, warm enough to keep her freezing due to the temperature drop, and lights dimmed for those who entered to be able to see. “Stay in here, it’s warm. I’ll be back soon.”

“I could give you a discount or I might ask for a different kind of payment.” Laughter often felt foreign from her lips, but in that moment, it rolled out so naturally that Minji was barely aware that she had lit up with the sound. “So it’s all in the smile?” An edge to her tone, eyebrows raising despite the inner turmoil that she had been the one to prompt the conversation - she had mentioned falling for him, in fact falling in love with him. She was fixated on the word for a beat much too long especially once he smiled at her. She had only ever loved one person and Phoenix had caused a deep bitterness in her until love became associated with fear. With Theo, there was nothing but a sweetness that filled every fibre and her skin itched with the desire to plunge herself into him. You can’t love him. A thought that attempted to push through the haze that clouded her from the moment the drink touched her lips and it failed to make a dent in rose-coloured dreamings. His smile was charming, so charming that her defences were sinking even without the help of magical beverages; that only made what words poured from her lips sweeter. “The women of Altruist are lucky.” Her right hand came to rest on his cheek in the same breath that he had swept her off of her feet, an action that was so fluid that she may well have been a wisp of air in his hands, and rather than smooth over his skin, her hands slipped to knot at his nape. “Are you sure that it’s not the dancing?” Words wrapped in breathless laughter, she leaned forward to press her chest to his on the return to the floor. She struggled to match the rhythm that he, and those that surrounded them, fell into with ease; steps that they had learned from the moment they could walk while she marched her feet where he guided her. Only it didn’t matter what her feet were doing while her focus was locked on his face and wishing desperately that she could swipe the mask that partially obscured his features. She was moments away from reaching to do so when his question froze her, his mouth close enough that breath fanned across her face; surprised that he felt the need to even ask to kiss her. No one had ever asked her permission. “You may.” She'd answered but she didn't have the patience to wait, catching his lips in a kiss that deepened her emotions and she was suddenly pulling on him. Arm hooked around his shoulder with fingers losing themselves in his hair and toying with the ribbon that secured the mask. She wanted him, desperately and wholeheartedly, and at the rate her heart pounded, her brain no longer held the reigns to deal with the desire. Minji moved with instinct, her opposing hand sliding underneath his jacket, a slow trace over his hips then his waist, and inching along his back. Not once did her mouth lose its focus, the taste of him seeping over her tongue once her lips parted and she whined, a light sound of joy prickled with the knowledge that she would eventually need to rise for air.

“A different kind of payment?” Theo remembered the time that a woman spoke the same words, it wasn’t sexual which he had hoped, but involved him carrying multiple bags of potatoes to her home in the hottest summer the lands have ever seen. This caused him to shiver, his hatred for potatoes lasted for months; However, Theo wasn’t expecting her to order him to carry millions of potatoes. If anything Theo was thinking sexually, full of shame because her payment proposal could be pure. He was lost in his thoughts until the word ‘lucky’ caught his attention with an irresistible smile. “Altruist women are all the same.” Laughter filled the air, shaking his head at her witty personality. “My dance lessons were brutal, I hated my dance teacher more than I hated my mother for enrolling me in lessons.” Theo fixed his posture, shoulders back with a tight core to keep him well-balanced as he swayed their bodies. Using a thick Russian accent to mock his dance teacher. “Head straight, shoulders back, and feet faced forward never outer. No, no, wrong, wrong.” These words engraved in his brain every lesson, mistakes were not an option for that woman whom he respected yet dreaded. His movements were slow, almost anticipating her answer to the question he asked. Theo replayed the day he kissed her almost every day, heartwarming from the softness of her lips, and the way the outline fit flawlessly against his own. It was a day to remember and remember what he did. “Min–” His words were caught off by the familiar taste of her lips, no argument, but his hands began to wander her body. Captivated by her boldness, fixated on the way her gown adhered to her body, and these dangerous thoughts caused a low groan to escape his lips. She was a threat to his sanity, losing his morals the minute her fingers darted along his lower half–what was she doing to him? She was tempting him. The second his ears heard her whine, Theo lost all sense of reality which he internally blamed the drinks of Strife. A hand groped a handful of her bottom, his mouth detached from hers only to reattach to her neck as his lips delivered disgraceful kisses along the outline of her beautiful nape. “You’re body is beautiful.” Theo meant these words, resuming his kisses until he reached the outline of her nipple. It may have been inappropriate to soak the area with his tongue, but he wanted to taste every inch of her body. His tongue motion lingered, lasting longer than anticipated before his lips sought out her lips for another passionate session. Heavy breathing between words, tongue invading the inside of her mouth. “I want to do sweet things to you. Kiss you every day for the rest of my life, hold you in my arms until you get tired of them holding you. I want to love you like you’ve never been loved.” And as much as he wanted to make love to her in this moment, Theo found himself fighting his inner monologue screaming to bend her over in front of a crowd. Letting his mind clear before he pulled himself away from her lips, eyes stayed closed with parted lips as he spoke. “I desperately want you, but I desperately want to take you on cliche dates and show you that I want you for you.”

The gentle nature of the greeting was enough to stall her, body seizing at the press of a kiss and allowing him to draw her in without a fight. “I know.” Minji required no reminders of her beauty, not on an ordinary day and more importantly, tonight. She didn’t hesitate to take a second, and third, glance at herself in the mirror even in the rush to leave Devotion on time. Her lips formed into a pout at the realisation that the sharper nature of her personality needed to be dulled; requiring the aura of a humble princess rather than a stray. “You clean up well.” She raised a hand to tug at his lapel, crisp and fresh in comparison to the attire she had left him in, and slowly edged her hand upwards to stroke the underside of his chin. “I did think the grime was hot though.” Her voice taunting, despite the truth in her words, he would have been handsome regardless of whether he was pristine or covered in a layer of dirt. She nodded at the request for a dance, her lips had parted without a sound, and the lack of certainty of dancing made it difficult to agree with joy. Regardless she clutched his hand, heavily dependent on him the moment that they were plunged into a world that she didn’t dwell in; she lived outside the realm of exquisite balls and their exclusivity. “And what do these drinks do?” Servers moved rhythmically through the crowd, trays filled with coupe glasses swung around at chest height for the pickings of passersby. The drinks were variants of ultramarine and periwinkle with foam tops that glistened in the light and with a further inspection, as the tray swung inches from her face, were sprinkled with a glittering dust. Her question aired in the same moment that his smooth movements drew him to clasp her cheeks and he startled her into silence. She grasped a hold of his wrist and tugged his hand free of her face, but she made no move to remove the other pressed to her cheek, or even to release her hold on his wrist, choosing to anchor his hand down between them. “You don’t need to thank me, I’m not your paid escort.” She waved her free hand in an attempt of nonchalance, in the same movement, she seized a drink from a passing tray. Whether she trusted Strife’s drinks of choice or not, it was a temporary reprieve from dwelling on the battering her heart did to her rib cage. The chosen drink was lighter in shade from the others, and with any luck meant that its effects would be lesser, warmth flooded her mouth with the twinge of smooth honey and sweet lychee subduing the burn. The warmth began to eb into her chest instantaneously as she placed the glass to the tray haphazardly and her gaze returned to Theo. He was tinged in vibrant colours, the rest of the room left in shades of grey, and no matter how much she blinked or shook her head, he was alight. “You said you wanted to dance.” She kicked into motion, realisation that she no longer wanted her heart to rest and all too willing to force it to its limits, her mind reeling from the desire to sink into him. The hand that held his downward guided him to her waist, and freed the space between them, allowing her to fill it with a step forward. “Teach me, pretty boy. Show me what makes all the Altruist women fall in love with you.” 

“I wish I could tell you.” Theo gingerly took a sip of his drink, clear liquid shifting into a smooth ruby as he twirled it in his fingers, and the taste of freshly picked grapes with a pinch of cherry. He had no interest in the way the drinks were made until his mouth was decorated with a sizzling sensation. “My mother always begged for me to attend the Strife yearly ball, but I preferred the comfort of my workshop because I hated the idea of mingling with others. Last year, I remember attending before Thornes was appointed as the next heir to the throne. His father, the King, had planned a huge celebration with thousands invited.” Another sip as Theo attempted to piece together the ball in his mind. “The drinks were crafted by fairies which seemed surreal until you took a sip. I would assume Strife’s only spealicity was combat, war, and murder but their mixology knowledge is mythical.” He heard of these balls since a child, and even his parents had attended them until it was time for a new generation to emerge. His eyes fixated on the crimson shiny silk that hung around a dark bulbed chandelier, casting enough light for the guests to move around without running into one another. Theo found himself lost between a shimmer of lights, falling glitter for what seemed like an eternity until he heard her voice. Sarcasm filled his tone, eyes following the voice that spoke as he lifted the corner of his lips. “I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to afford you, you would be too expensive to be a paid escort.” Now distracted by a woman who looked as if she was bathed in the finest glitter, hand following her every move as he tightened the grip around her waist. “Dancing is one of my many talents, but the women from Altruist fall for my smile.” He managed to pull her a couple of inches closer, bodies merged as his fingers tapped alongside her curves with a winning smile. He wasted no time as he began to twirl her toward the far left center of the room, every step replacing her own as he guided them effortlessly around the room. Theo never took his gaze off her as he looped an arm around her waist, gently lifting her body off the ground without warning before carefully dipping her, and leisurely raising her back to their original position. Each lesson was imprinted in his mind at a young age, hand positioning always came first while the rest of the dance was muscle memory. Theo held her tightly between song changes, steading his breath to the rhythm each time until the tune faded into a slower pace. His breath was coarse while he spoke along her lips, taking small steps around numerous other couples who found the dancefloor, and the situation was too flawless for him not to ask the question that had been on his mind the minute he saw her. “May I have the honor of kissing you?”

Arthur had weaved magic; that was a fact that Minji had decided on when she arrived to plead for his help at the final hour. Magic that flowed elegantly from the carriage that Haneul had thoughtfully spared for her, black lace fluttering down the steps and gathered at her feet as she took in the dark magnificence of Strife for the first time. If there hadn’t been a hurry to usher in the guests who scowled at her pause into the palace, Minji might have sunk to her knees to admire a building that reminded her of the gothic nature of the Damned. Her fingers tightened on the sides of her dress to stop those coming behind from trampling holes in the lace, where her legs were exposed with all but a slim skirt from behind it was reminiscent of a gown that princesses often preferred. Once forced into the movement of the crowd Minji’s mind shifted back to the male she was to meet and the rise of fluttering in the pit of her stomach had her doubting her choices. She had the potential to disappear, if she wanted to place an impassable wall between her and Theo it would have been the perfect opportunity, to leave him standing alone at a ball would allow her to run from the emotions that rose at the single thought of him. Even with those thoughts, Minji’s feet carried forward to where the people thinned, her fingers releasing their death grip and allowing her dress to flow freely behind her. Her fingers twisted on blue curls with the flitterings of conversation and the heads that turned in her direction while she passed, her focus remained set on finding Theo. It wasn’t until a multitude of eyes locked on her at once that hers had been drawn to the man in the midst of them. She couldn’t deny it was him, she knew in an instant that it was Theo and her movement stilled. A warmth blossomed from her chest rose to her cheeks and pinched the tops of her ears. He made her nervous and it made him dangerous. When she finally caught wind under her feet, the world around him stilled while he was going to the reason her world was sent into a flurry. She came to a halt only a single stride away to begin circling him, allowing her gaze to catch every inch of him in the twinkling light. She raised her hand to his chest to loop around him a second time, trailing her fingers until they were back where they started. “Twenty minutes, this is what you wanted, right?” Her fingers edged up the column of his neck, fingertips brushing the underside of his chin, and a smile pulling at the edges of her mouth.

Theo was mesmerized by this woman since the beginning, convinced that she was a woman from his past life whom he loved with all his will. Explaining this to his mother would make him sound mad, she’d scold him speaking about how love, at first sight, is childsplay. If it wasn’t love at first sight then what else could it be? His heartbeat raced, nerves itched, and the expression on his face was pure. Is that not what love truly was? Theo had his fair share of ladies throughout his life, none of them amounting to the woman he held in his arms. She was light in his eyes, he was a moth drawn to her every second that she allowed him. His eyes followed her every move, waiting for the moment until she was right in front of him to delicately place a kiss on the side of her temple. “You look ravishing.” Theo lowered his tone along with his vision, placing one set of digits around her wrist while the other wrapped around her waist to pull her in closer. The mask was meant to hide the identities of those attending the ball, but it failed to hide the sparkle in his eyes whenever he met her own. It fantasized him how she was able to twist every particle inside of him, slightly terrified him how he shackled himself to her without a second thought. He sealed his fate even if she threw him away in the end. “If you don’t mind me asking,” His voice changed in a melodious way, a smile forming as he decoded his question before continuing. “Would you allow me the first dance?” The rumors would spread like wildfire of his companion at Strife, Theo felt the need to bask in the moment before his mother would ask billions of questions the next morning. He leaned in to whisper sweetness into her ear, gingerly taking her hand before guiding her through the crowds of people. “Strife is known for this ball, anything and everything takes place in these halls. Drinks are sprinkled with a unique powder that Strife conjures up and every year the theme is different.” Theo adjusted his body language as he walked through the doors, the amount of people already mingling had to be a new record for Strife. “Thank you.” The words were barely audible, Theo turned to face her with quick movements his hands raised to cup her cheeks. “Thank you for being my beautiful date tonight, Minji.”

“I’m not a trophy?” Minji’s brows furrowed in an instant, his words taking on a hint of insult once she had processed them. Her worth had been calculated by her ownership all her life, Hades’ approval of her as the orphan that came into his possession to the moment that she had grasped Phoenix’s attention; to be told otherwise felt like a piece of her was being ripped from the seam. “So you want me to be like a pretty whore that men want to look at but never touch.” His words had confused her yet the moment that her mouth opened in further protest, his lips were on hers and the desire to fight him fluttered away. A hand rose into his hair, grasping at the strands as she rose onto the balls of her feet naturally. Mouth parting without question and gliding her tongue across his lips, she wanted him - all of him, and as she let all her defences fall with the movement of their mouth, she finally understood his words. He was giving her the option and that’s what brought a rise in the uncomfortable flutter in the pit of her stomach. The feeling of butterflies was foreign, Minji had believed herself incapable of a reaction, that the shadows that lurked in her mind had swept down and suffocated the innocence. She knew she could never be his, but what harm would there be in pretending for a few hours? The second that his lips were no longer prioritising hers, a whine rose from pouted lips even while his mouth was littering the rest of her face with attention. She wanted the heat, to find herself trapped in lustful thoughts and allow him to unravel her, yet he had surprised her again by choosing abstinence. “I’ve never had a man so willing to cockblock himself.” Her hands unwound from his neck and halted on his chest for the leverage to push off from him, creating a distance that chilled her skin and left her with a light head. Minji took a stride backwards, the chill of the hallway knocking her out of the clouds and back onto solid ground. “I’ll see you in a few hours.” An edge of a smile rose as she reached the threshold and she slowly rose her leg to straddle the wooden doorframe, fingers grazing along her bare thigh as her skirt edged upwards. “Don’t take too long to find my dangerous body.” Her laughter rose as she spun away, lacking the time to tease him further because she knew it would take a miracle to be ready on time, and to her surprise, she found herself running the moment that she was out of his sight.

The arrival at Strife was hectic due to every royal wanting special treatment, and stronger beverages, and for those who arrived with no date, this was the perfect time to scout the room for a potential steal. People from all lands attended this grand ball, it felt surreal how once a year the houses would set aside the tension to enjoy the magic that Strife had to offer. Theo stepped out of his carriage, adjusting his suit before the fabric wrinkled as he greeted those around him with a smile. “I figured you’d skip out on this ball, Kin.” His fingers patted the shoulder of a man, a friend who helped him through plenty of dark times. “I couldn’t miss you getting cleaned up, Monarch.” Theo retreated his arm as he held on to his heart, the shot gradually bringing him to his knees before he raised in laughter. “You don’t look so bad yourself.” As the two filled the air with laughter, Theo counted the time until she would arrive as promised and every waiting second made him nervous. “I’ll catch you guys inside.” Speaking was difficult as time suddenly moved at the speed of light, every minute had him readjusting his cufflinks then his hair. It had him questioning why everything had to be flawless for her, Theo realized that she saw him at his worst without showering for days which was another reason to clean up. “Breathe, you will be okay.” During his calming stage, Theo had been interrupted by another close companion letting the man distract from dangerous insecure thoughts. “Holy shit.” Theo raised his eyebrows, afraid that he wasn’t on the same track as the man before following his eyes to the woman he had been waiting for this entire time. “Holy shit,” His heart skipped a beat, ran away from him the minute his eyes focused, and every fiber in his being had shut down for a minute. Theo didn’t know the scale of his feelings for her until that moment, in that exact moment he knew this woman would cause him to emotionally breakdown. The feeling of his heart pumping blood throughout his body, warmth coursing through his veins–she was far too beautiful to be real. Everyone around them vanished, tunnel vision for a woman he wanted to risk everything for even if that meant his life. “I’m going to marry her.” Theo declared confidently, aloud for those around to hear that this woman was his date for tonight and the rest of his life.

Laughter flowed freely at his bewilderment, for a man with so much charm and wit, she would have suspected that his ability to understand women would have made him more aware of the female mind. “A colour is very important to a lady, they must be distinct from another woman.” Minji raised a hand to her chest, a faux accent that mirrored the tone she’d encountered several times from Haneul’s mother. “In my eyes, both of them lost, it was a pathetic fight, not even a drop of blood, but it was the smaller one that secured the dress. I believe she’s Lady Wyn and all for the chance to wear midnight blue.” She couldn't help but let her mind sink to the depths with the way his hands were capable of encompassing her entire waist, forcing back a moan as he pulled her closer and the sound passed her lips as a light gasp instead. She missed the warmth of his hands once he released her but she happily settled taut against his frame, one hand resting on his shoulders while the other caught him by the nape. “I may have something that’ll make you lose your mind.” All her outfits were wildly inappropriate for a ball hosted in another house, but an idea had sprung that Strife may be more forgiving on the items that she had stored away since she set foot in Devotion. “Yours?” Minji’s eyebrows raised, her eyes pulled away from the lack of space between them and she searched his face instead. Belonging to someone was dangerous territory, especially when the only other person who laid claim to her was a man who loved to wrap his fingers around her neck. Yet, Theo didn’t reach for her throat, he didn’t raise his hand or even his voice, there was nothing sinister in his claim. “Do you want to parade me around while every man is breaking their neck to watch me? To see how jealous they all are that I belong to you?” She lowered her voice as his shirt became her focus again, popping open two buttons and bringing her mouth to the skin she'd revealed. A tang rose on her tongue that was undoubtedly caused by his work, it could have been remnants of weaponry or sweat but she didn't care, it was a taste that she'd easily become addicted to. She placed an array of kisses while easing downwards until she was halted by fabric and she tilted her head upwards, setting her chin on his chest. “Do you really want to own me?” An innocent twang to her question, a smile crossing her features as she raised on her tiptoes to graze her lips against his and whisper. "Claim me."

Theo used every minute to capture this moment, refusing to forget the way she covered him in kisses or the way she spoke to him with sweetness rather than sourness. "You're not a trophy." He wanted to express his words correctly, giving her the wrong idea would paint him like any other man. His rough hands caressed her skin, taking his time to memorize all of her indentations before finding the courage to speak. "I don't want them jealous that I have you. I want them to admire you as a woman, I want them to double-check the minute that you walk by--it's something I can't explain." How could he explain to her that she wasn't a parade float? Theo cleared his throat once more, a second attempt to address the claim. "I like the idea of you teasing a man, but never giving them a reason to approach you. You don't have to be with me to do that. However, if you weren't then I would be one of the many men under the spell of you." Theo lowered his gaze, eyes examining her features with a soft smile. He didn't want to claim her, but he did want her to be his with consent. The drop-down to her lips was too natural, capturing her lips in a heated kiss as his hands dug into her waist. "I don't want to own you." He said between kisses, tongue skimming over her top lip as he reattached his lips with passion instead of lust. "You're not an object that I can claim." His body melted against her, kisses lingering without a chance to catch his breath until his self-control kicked in. "I want you to be my girl. My strong, beautiful girl." His lips painted the area along her cheeks, reaching the top of her head as he placed a soft kiss. As much as he wanted to continue their conversation, Theo knew time was precious and he needed as much as he could get to find the perfect tux for her. "You need to go and get ready. I'll see you soon, okay?"

Minji had gone through this before, another’s duty would always leave her alone, and while he hadn’t been intending to leave her to marry another woman, it still weaved fear into her. “I might not forgive you if you disappear.” She could afford honesty, she was not a woman who was often forgiving, and even with a viable excuse her mind would warp it into something sinister. “I won’t have a man abandon me again.” Too honest. She instinctively pushed back, although she remained in touching distance. “I don’t do well with people disappearing, even if it’s some fucked up duty to family or a throne.” She was on feeble ground, aware that if Hades snapped his fingers she would be expected to run her feet into the ground to reach him. His hold on her cheeks soothed her, an action so sweet that it drew her back into his warmth like a moth to a flame, barely conscious of what she was doing until she was flush against him. “Women have been preparing for this ball for months, Theo, not a few hours. I’ve seen girls arguing about colours, full-blown physical fights, I’ve never seen people so passionate for blue.” She couldn’t believe his clueless nature, both that and the memory of the blows between two females outside the modiste’s shop had elicited laughter. “They’ll both be powdering their bruises as we speak.” The kiss on her temple had caused her shoulders to seize, her eyes mirroring a deer in headlights, it was a simple action yet its gentle nature put her mind and her heart into overdrive. She had come here hopeful that she would instil fear in him and bury the part of her that couldn’t let the memory of him go, she hadn’t factored in the potential that she would fall harder. “Who said that I even agreed to go?” She tilted her head, the hint of a smile giving away what she didn’t want to admit; that he had won her over. Her hands found a home on his chest, his words registering and she hummed along to the request, although her focus was divided with the slide of her finger between the buttons of his shirt. “Twenty minutes, got it, but I’ve got one question.” She flicked her gaze upwards when the realisation of what she’d agreed to registered, away from where her finger was now brushing soft skin and toying with the idea of popping the button entirely. “Isn’t it supposed to be a masked ball, how will you know it’s me? Plus, I don’t even have a dress to describe to you.” She thought back to the stack of dresses that Snow had laid out, all the options that could have been hers but her irritation with him had forced her to reject tailoring. “Do you think Strife will allow me to wear something less ballroom, more paid adult entertainment?” 

Theo recognized these feelings of abandonment, always wondering when a person would leave without a word. It was something he wanted to reassure except he didn’t want to provide false hope. “The only promise that I can make without breaking the rules of Altruist is informing you in person before assisting in any duties.” He was well informed about the negations that had to be done especially for a woman who has no royal name. It was the least he could do after what he did to her, disappearing for months without any contact, and it would ensure her safety despite him being away when called. “You have to be joking?” The subject change had him bewildered by her description of women brawling over hues for gowns. “Why couldn’t they have the same color? We don’t own any colors. Who won? What was the color?” Surely the color had to be something spectacular for such an outbreak to occur, but Theo was more interested in who won the battle of the colors. Now, his attention was directed toward her fingers dancing around his chest as his lips slowly formed a cheek smile. “You’re cute when you’re confused.” His hands dropped entirely to her sides, fingers flexing to obtain full coverage around her waist while he spoke low. “Your face might be covered,” Theo caressed her figure, smoothing out the fabric along his waist before snagging her closer to his frame. His head slightly leaned towards her ear, cheek pressed against her waiting until a few moments. “I can your curves from miles away. The way you walk is dangerous, it drives me insane which is why I think I’d love to see you wear something more adult-paid entertainment.” It was a split-second decision, Theo hooked his arms around her frame and effortlessly held her against his body. Leaning back far enough to glance over her features with sharp exhales, he couldn’t wait to see her in any attire. The glances he knew were inevitable when it came to a woman like her made him want to encourage her, everyone deserved a glimpse of the woman he found tremendous. “I like it when other men look at what’s mine, you’re mine for tonight because I know you missed me too.”

Minji didn’t deserve it, any of it, no sweet words or gestures - she didn’t deserve to think of a life that was littered with happiness and love. Her world was much too twisted for his kindness. “Because if I feel more than this, I’m scared of what that will do to me, of what I’d do to you.” She settled on honesty, that hating him would allow her to retain her current misery because the idea of caring deeply came with too many what if’s. “You can’t promise those things, not when you’ve already proved that you can disappear.” There was an acceptance in her that it hadn’t been his fault, but it meant that blood was thicker to him, he would do what was asked of him by his family and she would fall by the wayside. “Don’t do that.” She dropped her gaze to his chest, avoiding the smile that would be capable of destroying her entire world. “Don’t smile at me.” A pained request as her fingers formed into fists even as he grasped her wrists, but it wasn’t an action of anger, it was frustration that no matter how much she wanted to fight him he was doing an incredible job at redirecting her. He charmed her into silence, chipping away at the walls she’d thrown up until she was still for the first time since she’d entered the workshop. “What?” The question ignited static, a screeching that lit up in her ears as her gaze snapped to hold his. “You’re unbelievable.” Panic made the words breathless and she tugged her arms free, although she didn’t step away. Months ago she had allowed herself to be excited by the idea of attending a ball, to finally be like every other girl that got the opportunity to dance with someone she truly liked, yet the months of waiting had made her bitter. “I’m so pissed off.” Her voice trembled, breaking as it rose, although without the sting that she wanted it to have. “You piss me off so much.” Hollow words, those that concealed her desire to cry in frustration. “I told you to make me hate you, but instead you make it harder, and you told me that you haven’t been allowed to leave this place and you still ask me to go with you, to a ball that’s so close that every woman with an invitation is already setting her hair.” She snapped the invitation from the desk, a scatter of rose petals cascading to her feet, the remnants of a gesture that would have made her feel on top of the world. “If I say yes and you disappear again, I promise I will run that sword through your heart."

"You're right." One thing his mother always taught him was to agree with a woman even if she sounded ma, and never disagree with her unless he wanted to start a war. "I can't promise that I won't disappear again, it's not something that I can control because my family is one of the greatest blacksmiths." Theo was reminded daily of the grand works of his grandfather, who crafted swords for the gods above even Ares himself. It was simply to bring more light to Altruist thus giving power to the house, no other blacksmith could ever compare. "It sounds nonsensical to explain to you that I'm a very important part of this house, there are strict orders to follow when another kingdom demands a weapon. It doesn't mean that you're not important to me, but it does mean that I will be pulled away from you without giving you a chance to explain." His thumbs brushed the insides of her wrists, releasing his hold on her to carefully caress her cheeks in his palms. The beauty she held was remarkable, after months of not seeing her, Theo appreciated this moment more than he could ever express to her. "The ball doesn't start until midnight which leads into Hallow-Eves. You're telling me right now, that women from all the houses are getting ready hours in advance?" He was merely a man without any common sense when it came to women preparing themselves for a ball. All he really cared about was attending the ball with her, Theo hummed under his breath as she spoke of threats, and with a smile, he responded. "Promise me that you'll throw my body into the Seven Seas? I really hate thinking about my body becoming fertilizer in the future." Her answer left him questioning whether it was a positive answer, leaning in without warning to place the gentlest kiss against her temple. "Go to the ball with me, but I require one condition and it may sound odd. I would like you to arrive about 20 minutes after me," Theo was slightly embarrassed asking for this request, but his reasoning was guileless. He wanted to experience seeing her for the first time in a gown, turning around to watch her walk towards him was a childish idea yet he needed to relish in the moment. "Don't question me, I need this for myself, and I'll tell you why when we meet at the doors."

“You’re right, you should have fucked me and tossed me aside, after all, that’s all I’m made for.” Phoenix’s words were suddenly pouring from her mouth, words that she couldn’t escape as she witnessed the pain etched into Theo’s face and she realised that wasn’t made for love at all. How could she love someone when she didn’t know how to handle their grievances? Her pain and anger had been too palpable to begin to see the situation from his position.She was more than aware of the growing tensions between the houses, it was only a matter of time until there would be no simplicity in their lives, they would be at each other’s throats. Minji hadn’t expected it to be the reason for Theo’s disappearance and she didn’t wish to accept it. “You say you were here for months, to ask anyone, but that doesn’t make me believe you. You could have had someone else here, a woman that was made for you.” Her status in life was a sore spot, she didn’t belong in his presence for more than a moment, let alone be a fixed presence in his life. She wouldn’t be naive that other women had charmed him or were decorating his arm on special occasions. Minji was hesitant about the bag that fell from the blade and slid down her arm, catching in the crook of her elbow and she had to fight the desire to launch his so-called proof back at him. “You think this is enough?” She seized the bag, tipping it on its end over the nearest bench, and her chest squeezed as dried petals began to fall alongside the invitation. She wanted to trust him. She so desperately wanted to believe it was the truth and still a niggling thought remained to not allow herself to fall. “That’s not fair.” She had never sounded more like a child than at that moment, she knew the world wasn’t fair but the comparison of her to a weapon had sliced through her exterior and allowed the door to her heart to be wedged open. “You were supposed to tell me I meant nothing, that you were some bored princeling that needed something to play with, not that you missed me or begged for a moment. You weren’t supposed to compare me to a blade worthy of a hero when I’m the dagger of the enemy. How am I meant to hate you now?” She could handle cruelty, not kindness. Her eyes blurred, grateful that she was able to blink away threatening tears, unwilling to cry in front of him. The pain in her chest wouldn’t dispel, made worse by the choice to move forward, and despite her inward calls to run away, she continued until there were mere inches between them. “Make me hate you.” Hands forcefully landing against his chest, shoving him had been useless when there was nowhere for him to go, yet she did it regardless. “Scream at me. Lie to me. Hit me. Fuck me and leave. Anything, do anything that stops me feeling like I’m going to die when I don’t see you.”

"Why would a man ever toss away someone so strikingly breathtaking? I never understood this immoral concept." Theo refused to comprehend how a woman as strong as her would let a man dim her light. It angered him thinking about the hurt that she had to endure every day and he fought the urge to cradle her in his arms the minute her voice carried around his workshop. "Why?" Another question, Theo needed to know if he could gradually piece her back together. Show her that not every man is cruel, and not every man wants sex. "Will it make you feel better to hear those words? If they make you feel better then I will speak them. However, if those words make you cry alone at night then I will only speak these ones." He deserved every landing blow, fighting her would only cause an escalation between them. Every hit shattered his heart into millions of pieces, only to be put back together prepping for the next drum roll against his chest. "You never have to worry when you're with me. My voice will never be raised, lies will never be told, hands will never hurt you, and I will never leave the bedroom until we both have had breakfast in bed." If there was one category that Theo scored in flawlessly. It would be romance, waiting years to find a woman he could spoil, and she happened to walk into his life so effortlessly. This woman was one for the books. Comparing her to others would be useless because she was more than he could ever imagine. "What I'm hearing is that you thought of me for months?" It didn't matter the situation, Theo found a way to chuckle under his breath and the sensation of knowing Minji thought of him was unforgettable. Theo slowly, cautiously raised his hands just above her wrists without harming an inch as he wrapped his fingers around those beautiful wrists. "I can take everything you throw at me, Minji. You want to hit me? Go ahead. Scream at me? Be my guest. Although, I hate to ask this in a heated moment but.." He paused leaning back to catch a better glimpse of her features, a cheek smile appearing instantly. "Will you do me the honor of being my date to the ball?"

It was difficult to witness his eyes landing on her face, Minji hadn’t expected the tug in the pit of her stomach, nor the hitch in her breath. She needed to feel nothing yet her brain seized control of the uncomfortable feelings that rose in the base of her feet and the tips of her fingers. “You would be so lucky if I only used this on you.” Minji’s eyes followed the movements of his hand to place the sword at his abdomen, where a single hit would have been enough. She could have done it and she knew it should have been easy, delivering death was exactly what she was trained for yet as her eyes flicked from the placement of the blade to Theo’s face, her desire to chase death fell away. She didn’t want him dead and it complicated everything. “I never cared enough to hate you, you’re an annoyance I could never figure out how to handle.” She raised the blade, gliding it close enough to catch the fabric of his shirt until its pointed tip rested over his heart, and she found herself pausing. Laughter rose for a second time, his claims stinging more than she had expected them to, she had been used to men betraying her yet this felt like a new low. “I don’t believe you.” The blade slipped three inches higher and towards his neck, the final opportunity for her to make her hit, and it would have been the most brutal of them all. “You expect me to believe that you missed me or that you begged to see me? Who did you beg exactly?” Her hand jolted, an accidental movement that sent the edge of the blade faintly along his jaw, and for a slither of a second, her eyes widened in panic before settling back into a hardened expression. “If you expected to fool me more than once, you needed to come up with something worth my time.” She pulled her hand back, an action that would force anyone to brace for impact but instead, she released the hilt, tossing the sword back on the workbench without a care for the care taken to create it. 

He wanted desperately to disagree with her invalidate her feelings about him, but everything she spoke with betrayal painting the walls was right. "Why would I go out of my way to hurt you?" Theo would expect this behavior form any man who wanted one thing, but he never received anything from her nor expected anything physical. "You're speaking to me like a man who only wanted to fuck you, but I didn't want you in that manner. Maybe I should've fucked you and tossed you because then we wouldn't be having this conversation." He wasn't upset with her, tone in his voice filled with tenderness even when she was seconds away from removing him from this biosphere. "My father, I begged my father to come see you every day and if you don't believe me then ask anyone in this castle. He refused to let anyone distract me from this work, there is something bigger happening around us and I can't express to you how much I regret not seeing you." Theo took a step back, giving her the space she needed to understand the bigger picture before he continued. "Why would a blacksmith return to his workshop for months? You're my smart girl, think about it. Why would I leave you for months to sit in here attempting to make the perfect defense?" He wanted to see her again, but not in the state he was in after days of not sleeping and smell of metal, sweat staining his skin. "I would never dare make a fool out of you, I know you think every man wants to use you and it's understandable why you put me in this category." His heel finally collided with the desk behind him, showing his hands with every movement before he looped the brown bag around his arm to toss on top of the blade. "In that bag, you'll find the invitation I planned to give to you the day I received it. You'll find an assortment of dead roses, I didn't remember if you had a favorite one. So, I decided to get one of each just in case." His throat cleared, hand tangling in his hair without missing a single breath. "You're a real piece of work. Someone crafted you so perfectly imperfect, made sure that you were held over fire long enough to avoid breaking. You're impossible to bend, scratch, and nothing can ever dim you down because they made sure you'd stay sharp for years to come. You're the only person I have thought about these past months, I set a goal to make a weapon as beautiful and strong as you--every single day, I thought this had to be just like the woman I fell for at first sight. Imperfectly perfect because I wouldn't trust anyone else with my life." He paused to catch his lungs from collapsing, palms clutching the edge of the desk behind him as he leaned carefully against it. Theo was exhausted, rehearsing this moment for months until he was able to see her. "I'm sorry for leaving you alone for so long. I'm sorry I abandoned you, I'm so sorry that I couldn't see you for just a moment."

Under Hades' authority, Minji had been permitted to leave the prison that Devotion had become to retrieve a spirit, treading for the first time on Altruist soil. Her first few hours were mindless wandering, trapped in unfamiliar streets and amongst people who stared at her with more vigour than those of Devotion ever had. Her treading of the streets had seen the light begin to dwindle and lead her to stumbled onto a gem, not one that led her to her duties, but the potential of locating Theo. Conversation etched into her mind with the mention of war strategy and creating armoury, and the building ahead of her had all the signs to indicate it was the home of an arsenal. The guard at the door had given her a peculiar second look, but he hadn’t stopped her from entering, and when she’d bypassed two interior doors, she could only assume their lax security had much to do with whoever handled the items inside. Eyes pierced her once she had entered a workshop, heads snapping in her different but none of them held the face she’d been searching for. Her focus shifted further down the floor as she weaved through the desks, beginning to hear the beginnings of recognition that she was out of place. Any calls to her were ignored once her eyes fell on him, two desks away from where she stood, was the man that had riddled her mind for months. Rather than act with reason, she fell to the desire to incite a reaction. Her feet travelled the short distance with whipping speed, sliding her frame in behind his, her eyes settled on the sword that was presented in front of them. “Can I have this?” She snapped the weapon from the workbench, a childlike giggle rising from the base of her throat at the satisfying whip of the blade through the air, fingers flexing around the intricate hilt. “It looks perfect to gut the man that made a fool out of me.”

Theo worked in one location for months, everything being brought to his workshop day by day until he forged the faultless weapon. The request came at an unfortunate time, it was the day that Theo planned to officially invite a woman he met months ago to the ball. He packed his things, bought an assortment of flowers, and held the Strife invitation closely before he was able to make it inside the doors of Devition until a soldier handed a golden envelope with Paramount's crescent stamped right in the middle. "The Queen?" As his voice shuddered, the soldier only confirmed that a situation was unfolding much bigger than Theo handing over an invitation. These thoughts haunted him every day, and he regretted the decision to turn around before explaining to her why he'd be considered missing for a few months. It tore him to pieces, Theo couldn't think of a better punishment than to lock himself in his workshop for countless hours. "Who..?" All those depressing thoughts vanished the minute an intruder stepped into his space, Theo listened carefully to the woman before making the connection. "Minji." The name felt dry between his lips, saying her aloud was different than speaking it every day in his own thoughts. "You're more than welcome to use it on me, I know what I did to you, and I regret it every single day." His voice was raspy, gradually applying pressure to the blade as it settled above his belly button because he knew the feeling she was experiencing was valid. Nothing could be worse, not even his death after what he did to her. "You hate me, I would hate me too." Theo had given up months ago, willing to fight for his life was pointless. "I missed you, I missed you every day. Every single day. I know it sounds like bullshit to you and I understand that--but I wanted to see you and begged to see you every day for months."