I spend a fair amount of timeĀ teaching womenĀ to kick men in the balls, and Iāve learned that this activity tends to generate controversy. Here, according to actual adults who have actually said these things to me, are some reasons you shouldĀ notĀ kick a guy in the balls:
1. It will make him angry.
I should hope so. Iām not sending him a friend request. If I kick him hard enough, thereās a good chance Iāll render him unable to act upon his anger.Ā ThatāsĀ my goal. His feelings are his problem.
2. It will make him hurt you worse.
Statistics sayĀ otherwise. And anyway, heās already demonstrated his desire to hurt me. Why should I give him carte blanche to decideĀ how muchĀ heās going to hurt me? Iād rather be an active participant in that decision-making process.
3. Groin kicks arenāt really that devastating; Iāve seen lots of guys get hit in the balls and it hardly fazed them.
This response (almost universally from men) is so common Iāve come to think of it as āgroinsplainingāāyou can see it many of the YouTube comments in the videos linked above. These people rarely volunteer to demonstrate their own iron balls in a real kicking situation, but they confidently assert that men in general can shrug off all kinds of damage to the groin. All I can say is, Iāve seen two-year-olds take down grown menĀ via the groin, and toddlers donāt even have any training. I do. I like my odds.
4. We shouldnāt be teaching people how to kick men in the balls; we should be teaching men not to do anything that would make us have to kick them in the balls.
Hey, thatās a great idea! Do you have a detailed, research-based plan for teaching all men everywhere to behave themselves all the time? And do you have funding for your efforts, and buy-in from politicians and community leaders, and a network of trained, experienced instructors who can effect this change? If not, better get started on your grant proposal. In the meantime, Iāll just be over here teaching people how to kick guys in the balls.Ā Thatās what I do.
5. Telling people they should kick an assailant in the balls is the same as telling victims who didnāt kick their assailant in the balls that they did something wrong.
No, it isnāt. Itās a practical way toĀ reduceĀ the number of future victims by giving them more viable options to disrupt and survive an assault.
Fact: We have the power to damage the bodies of men who try to hurt us. Youāre saying we shouldnāt let people use that power. Iām offering people more choices; youāre trying to take them away.
6. Kicking a guy in the balls just makes the world a more violent place.
Maybe, in the short term. But if it stops him from killing someone, or putting them in the hospital, isnāt that a net win for non-violence? The Dalai LamaĀ thinks so.
One in four women will have good reason to kick a guy in the ballsĀ at some point in her life. Luckily, itās not rocket science. Anyone can do it! And ball-kickingās efficacy is beyond dispute, as the men of MMA so nobly helped us illustrate here. Gentlemen, if any of you are reading this, and conscious: Cheers, and get well soon (the non-wife-beaters among you, anyway).
AIA REPORTING FOR DUTY
okay, so!
There is a trick to it. You do NOT want to soccer kick the dude because thatās a little projectile aiming at a littler target.
Itāll do in a pinch, and itāll hurt, but it wonāt incapacitate, which is what you want. You donāt want āouch!ā Or even āFUCK!ā
You want him puking on the floor, and this is how we do:
Thereās two ranges where a groin kick works: close and mid-range.
Say someone grabs you face to face, or pins you to the wall, and your hands are blocked. Now youāre close-range. What do you do? You come in closer, as close as you can, and with every ounce of adrenaline and aggression in your body, you do a can-can kick.
You know the first step in the can-can, where you raise your knee up as high as itāll go as strong as you can?
Do that, as hard as you can, repeatedly.
If that doesnāt work, hereās the alternative. Youāre going to take your hand, grasp between the thighs underhand. Its going to feel like youāre ācradlingā the testicles. Dig your fingertips into the fragile skin BEHIND the scrotum. Then, once you have a good grip, you turn your hand into a vise, with your fingers digging inwards to the material. If you do it right, you should feel the testes INSIDE the scrotum. You want, whenever possible, to hook your fingers under them.
Then, with your hands in a claw and your fingertips latched behind the testes, you turn your hand sharply, as though you were turning a doorknob. Simultaneously, haul your elbow back and up as hard as you can.
If done properly, this technique can tear the scrotal tissue, and done with enough force, can tear the testes out of your attackerās body.
No matter HOW pissed he is, heās gonna drop. Iāve tried this technique on guys wearing cups and even with protection, it is not a fun feeling.
If youāre mid-range and have enough room for a kick, the goal becomes to use your shin. The shin is actually called the tibia, which ounce for ounce is one of the strongest bones in your body. So, hereās what you do, my little bloodthirsty beaus:
You aim, you scream āDO NOT COME CLOSER I SAID NO!ā (legal purposes, because now youāre officially exercising your right to self-defence). Maintain a 360 degree awareness, just in case he has friends, and then, when heās close enough, connect your shin full on soccer kick with the delicate squish of his testicles.
What you want is as much upwards force as possible in combination with as much momentum as you can manage. When he collapses, which he will, then stomp on his groin again, and then run.
The latter has less of a trick to it. Itās primarily about momentum and force.
Remember, if youāre close enough to put your hands on him, use your knee. If heās coming at you, use your shin.
If you can smell the nachos he had for dinner, rip his fucking balls off.
Itās easy to do, theyāre tiny little squishiness wrapped in a delicate flap of skin about as thin as a toenail.
Remember: if heās coming at you, heās ALREADY out to hurt you. Might as well give the fucker a reason to be pissed.
How to Kick a Guy in the Balls: An Illustrated Guide
Someone once told me that the way to train a proper knee in the groin (with appropriate aggression if you want to hurt him enough to let you go is to train and act as if youāre not aiming your knee at the groin, but aiming for somewhere much higher so that your mind knows to really ram your knee upward.
A male friend of a friend of the family once generously and kindly advised me that if anyone with nuts ever got up on me without me wanting him to do so, to āgrab his balls as hard as you can, squeeze, and yank away from his body until they feel like marmalade. Then run.ā I have never forgotten this advice.
My self-defense trainer used to say:Ā āEyes are like grapes. Ears are like pull tabs. And if youāre going to grab some, girls - grab, pull, twist, and bring those balls home to Mama.ā ā¦I really need to embroider that on a cushion.
https://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2015/12/30/why-dont-men-kick-each-other-in-the-balls/Ā
āWhat would street fights between guys look likeāor professional fights for that matterāif one could go below the belt? For one, thereād be a lot more collapsing. Two, a lot more writhing in pain. Three, a lot less getting up. All in all, it would add up to less time looking powerful and more time looking pitiful. And it would send a clear message that menās bodies are vulnerable.ā
ā¦
āSo, men generally agree to pretend that the balls just arenāt there. The effect is that we tend to forget just how vulnerable men are to the right attack and continue to think of women as naturally more fragile.ā
And:
https://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2017/07/31/i-argue-that-men-avoid-ball-kicking-to-protect-the-myth-of-masculinity-men-respond-in-the-most-surprising-way/
āIn 2015 I wrote an essay in which I speculated about why we donāt see men kicking each other in the balls more often. We leave no stones unturned here at SocImages, folks.I argued that men donāt kick each other in the balls because it would reveal to everyone an inherent and undeniable biological weakness in every man, not just the man getting kicked. Ā In other words, itās a secret pact to protect the myth of masculine superiority. I expected a reaction, but I was genuinely surprised at what transpired. In public ā in the comments ā men debated strategy, arguing that men donāt kick each other in the balls because itās actually a difficult blow to land or would escalate the fight. But in private ā in my email inbox ā men sent me hushed messages of you-are-so-right-though.ā
Just doing my regular real blog for yāall. Keep safe.
Just reading these notes gives me such a warm, comforting feeling. Love you all.












