The Next Generation Survivors

Everyone seems to think the first year without a loved one is the hardest. In my opinion, it's the second. Everyone is starting to adjust back to normal life. Everyone carries on with the everyday. Instead of just noticing it as oh it's just one year without them, you start to realize: nope, they still aren't there It's then that you have to reassure yourself that they are there. They always are. You may not see them there, but you can feel them there. They are always going to be there with you. You can get through this.

On Wednesday April 1st, it'll mark 2 years since my life was flipped upside down. My mom was having some stomach problems for a while. She went to the doctors and they couldn't figure out what was wrong. They sent her for tests and that is when we found out. I woke up in the middle of the night to my parents coming home from the hospital. I could tell they were crying. Then they said they had something to tell me. My mother had cancer. I was a junior in high school. The only thing on my mind was getting ready for my first prom later that week. When my mom told me she had cancer, my whole world stopped. Nothing mattered. Not prom, not the dress, not the date. All that mattered was my mom. I had no idea what the future held. I had no idea that she'd be taken from us later that June. That day is the reason when I'm asked about my time in high school and what I was like "back then" I tell them I grew up pretty damn fast. That led to the last half of junior year led to me spending most of my time in her hospital room doing my homework, by her bedside. People ask why I adjusted to dorm life and living on my own so quickly. Well, when your family decides to keep it from your brother until he comes home from college in May and your father faithfully stays by your mother's bedside every night, you learn to be self reliant. People ask why I hate April Fools day. Well, that's because the past 2 years feels like a sick giant April Fools joke.

As time passes They fear the memory will fade, But they will be in our hearts Each and everyday. Milestones will come and milestones will go, But they are always with you that has to be known. As the time passes our tears may dry, but they are not forgotten for they are the twinkle in your eye as they smile down from heaven.

A few days ago marked the first anniversary of this blog. I have been trough up and downs and haven't bee able to post as much. I will try to post more in the coming year.

I haven't been posting lately. Being a freshman in college really takes you away for a while. I'll try to be posting more often. I have a rather long post I was working on for a while but I never got around to posting. I'll be posting more often and soon. I promise.

One of the biggest things that are essential in trying to go on while watching your parent go through that type of pain is a support system. I am not saying go find a support group and find a therapist to talk to. That personally worked for me, but everyone is different. A support system can be anyone. Family and friends are a great place to start. When we first found out that my mom's cancer was terminal and that she was going into hospice home care, it was 2 days before my annual drama club trip. I had contemplated staying home to be with my mom, but she wanted me to go and have fun with my friends. I was crying the entire day that we found out. I didn't want to ruin everyone's fun on the trip, so I wanted to keep it quiet. I wound up texting my best friend that was going to be on the trip and I told him everything, a long with texting another friend that I didn't want to get into details, but I needed a huge bear hug next time I saw him. The day of the trip came and I got hugs from my two friends. One was still clueless, while the other knew it all (well most of it anyway). I was fine for most of the trip, but my confidant of the day could tell something was wrong. He kept an eye on me all day to make sure I was alright. If he noticed me lagging, he would run over to me and cheer me up whenever possible. He even walked with me during free time to just to talk. He is the reason that I mostly survived that day. He really had my back and made sure I had a fun time. Support systems honestly are what will get you through a lot of hard times.

Hello ! I appreciate the following and I noticed a pattern I would like to make clear that this is not a star trek blog. .. I appreciate the following and I understand if this verification makes you want to unfollow

I have to admit. ..it's been a year since my mom was diagnosed. It's still hard. I take everything one step at a time.

Are you having a problem? Talk to them; they're listening. They may not physically be by your side, but they're always going to be in your heart. They want you to be happy. Make the milestones count.

That is one of the objectives of this site. My goal is to be there for the people that can't find that system, or want to talk to someone with a similar personal experience.

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