the motions of life

What does it mean to be healed, to be okay again?

When during this crazy journey did the end become unreachable?

I’ll never be where I was when I started.

I say I’m stronger, more compassionate.

I never want to go back to the person I was. 

But maybe somewhere deep down inside I liked where I was.

When the world was so big and full of hope.

I’m falling apart fine

I miss you have moved on

I love hate you

It’s been so long since I’ve had to

You made it so I could never move on

How can I replace you when I don’t remember how

I need to replace you

I wish you could look at me and say I love you

I wish I mattered to you like you mattered to me

I was you wouldn't tell me that I wasn’t good enough

I wish I was important to you

I wish your real life connections were as important as your online ones

I wish you could have made time for us

I wish you wanted to help me like I helped you

I wish you would tell me when I succeeded not just when I failed

I wish you wouldn’t lie to me

I wish you didn’t leave me

I wish you didn’t get on the bus

I wish you got off for me

I wish all these things

but I can’t change you

I can’t change the past