CAN I DO THE THING? Iām doing the thing.
Itās always a matter of balance, isnāt it? The universe takes and gives in equal measure, and there is always a price to pay.
But when Paris burns and a hero is needed, Marinette pays it all without question and without much doubt. In the heat of the momentā¦in the seconds that it takes to see fear searing in her loved oneās eyes, she clips on the dusty red earrings and embraces the red of fate.
Thereās a warmth to it all, comforting and supportive. Itās what gives her the strength to shorten her life, and cup a sobbing kwami in a gently grip after all is peaceful.
āItās okay. Iām okay, Tikki. Thank you for giving me this gift.ā
And she truly means it, even if she will wake up this night, with hitching breaths and a panicked flurry of questions. But she is not alone, because Tikki will comfort her through the night, answering them all with a milleniaās worth of love and care for her hero.
Marinette learns the meaning of regret when she meets her partner.Ā
He is dark where she is light. Destruction where she is creation.Ā
But his green eyes are so bright and earnest, itās almost too easy to fall for his quips and puns. So they play, and she steps in tandem with his leaps and bounds across Paris.Ā
They save they day again and again. Trust each other, again and again.Ā
And thenā¦she finds out who he is.Ā
She wants to laugh at the absurdity of it all. The fact that her red fate has tied her in ribbons too inextricable to be unlaced. Her red is her luck and her life, and she would give it all up if it meant keeping him safe and happy. This personā¦her first love, her first choice to run to when the world is turning upside downā¦they are the same person.
But luck for once is not on her side, when she remembers that the black dots on her earrings mark more than just the time left in her transformation. They mark her lifeline, slowly leeching away into the deep color of a dying sun.
So even when identities are revealed, it is much to her regret that she must keep dancing away from him. She must remain distant, even as she selfishly reaches for him with trembling fingers and a confession wilting in her blooming smiles.
She doesnāt know what to do when he makes a far enough leap and embraces her as he says the thing she fears and wishes for the the most.
She is selfish when she wakes in the night, screaming with muffled sobs into her pillow that she is scared.
She is selfish when she refuses Tikkiās comfort and instead seeks him out to lay all out. Tikki wordlessly, apologetically slips into her place in those red earrings, and Ladybug streaks through her city, moonlight painting her silver and gray in a way that makes her look heartachingly ghostly.
Her sacrifice in black little dots, marking a path that will no longer exists once she fades away. Her decision to save the city she loved, balanced by her life cut short.
His silence is telling. but she returns his confession with her own.
āI love you tooā¦but Iām so scared, Adrien. Iām going to die, and I canāt leave you alone. Iām going to die, and Iām going to leave behind everyone that loves me.ā
He doesnāt answer, but his teeth are grit and there are tears that stain his mask impossibly blacker than before. He pulls her tight to him, his sobs weaving themselves into her starlit strands. Ā
And here, she feels held together. As if she isnāt just a number of dots slowly floating apart to become nothing but a faint memory in the grand scheme of things. Sheās strong enough here to be honest with herself.
She clings to him desperately, slim fingers more frail than ever when cries into the crook of his neck.
āAdrienā¦Iām so scared. I donāt want to die.ā
He shakes harder, but still they cling onto each other as the world keeps turning, woefully callous to their plight.
āItās the natural order of things. To have incredible power, a sacrifice must be made. I told you this before you accepted.ā Plagg chides, his eyes betraying all the pain of lost Chat Noirs in his time as their guardian.Ā
They all accepted whole heartedly. They all knew the terms. And they all were heroes, every last one.
But Plagg remembers their tears in the middle of the night, the regrets and the memories and each and every oneās last words. Itās the least he can do for the people he loves and kills.
āBUT WHY HER?ā Adrien rounds on the kwami floating lazily over his bed. His pacing stops, his hands dig through his already messy hair.
Heās done his research.Read the ancient texts over and over, but the contracts are iron clad. He had accepted his fifteen years with a grace and foolhardiness only youth can impart. Because when youāre sixteen, fifteen years is almost double your life.Ā
It seems okay in the moment.Ā
He hadnāt realized how fast time could pass. He hadnāt realized that he would fall in love with someone who paid a heavier price than he.
It hits him with a finality that is crushing to realize. So he crumbles to the ground in despair, burying his face in his hands and oblivious to a Plagg who curls against him with an age old regret.
They decide to live by the moments life gifts them.
Marinette still smiles, but itās something deeperā¦much more tender than before.
She tells Alya that she adores her. She tells her parents that she loves them very much as she runs out with a croissant dangling from her mouth, backpack hoisted over a slim shoulder and Tikki flapping undignified inside.
She breaches a truce with Chloe, becomes Lilaās closest friend.
She does things sheās never thought of doing.
She kisses Adrien a lot more now, holds his hand when everyone or no one is watching. She wipes his away his tears when ever the subject of her lifespan comes up.
And he weeps, forcing a smile on his face because he should be the one comforting him.
But his Marinette is strong and brilliant and dying. She laughs whenever she pleases, floats away from his tender caresses whenever the notion strikes her.
She is free, dancing on red ribbons to a place he canāt reach her.
āYouāre not scared anymore?ā He asks one day, very quiet as they sit watching the winking lights below them.
And she merely looks at him with that piercing gaze of hers, starry eyes edged with a smile so melancholy, that he wants to cry again.Ā
A year has passed, and sheās growing weaker. But still she smiles, and he pretends to.
āItās not thatā¦but you know somethingā¦itās a lot better when I think about everyone I love and who loves me back. ā
He glances at her, shock etched into his expression. Eyes wide behind a mas that does nothing to hide his feelings.
āW-why?ā is all he can say in a strained voice.
Her hand moves to cover his over his knee, lacing her trembling fingers through his own.
āI might be selfish. But itās because I knowā¦I wonāt really dieā¦not as long as just one person remembers me. And thatās the best I can do, isnāt it? Thatās why we liveā¦to love and be loved. I thinkā¦thatās just enough to make life worth living. And to live means to die right?ā
And sheās smiling as she explains this, and he may agree at a later time. A year from now when rain falls over a new gravestone, but for now he canāt. For now, he just wants to love and be loved by her. So he pressesĀ a hesitant kiss to her waiting lips, his tears running down his cheeks and she can taste the salty sadness of it all.
But acceptance is a part of life, and sheās grateful sheās met him. She canāt regret her choicesā¦not when theyāve led her to this moment where the lights shine bright and the moon smiles. Everything is as clear cut for once, and she leans her head against his shoulder after a breathless, desperate kiss.
āThank you, Adrien. Please keep living so that when I do see you again, you can tell me so many good stories, okay?ā She whispers, but she doesnāt know if he can hear her over his own sobbing.
āThank you, Marinetteā He says, as his hand caresses the gray stone. The rain patters on, and he looks at the toes left on the pawprint of his ring with a bittersweet satisfaction.Ā
To live means to die. He hadnāt understood that until now.Ā
But he does, and he lets himself close his eyes for a moment, feel the rain running down the back of his shirt as he lives for the present. Thereās lots to do, things to see and stories to write. He wants to build up a library of memories so that when he does see her again, he can smile proudly and sayĀ ā I remembered, and we both lived.ā
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