The Lazy Vampire

am i allowed to say kill all trillionaires or is that too specific of a threat

just found out you can do more than one thing each day. i was just doing the one

this literally isn't true please stop spreading lies

till deactivation do us part

im so sad this is from a deactivated blog i feel like i just found a heartfelt message in an old locket at a garage sale

When you try to pet a cat in the dark and they've gotta endure a few seconds of getting poked in the face and having their fur brushed the wrong way before you figure out the specific orientation and location of all the parts of Cat

What if we gave universal healthcare to everyone who wanted it and everyone else who didn't can just keep getting scammed by these companies for some reason

You make soup in a big bowl. You serve it in a smaller bowl. And then you convey it, using a spoon, to your mouth. But what is the spoon? Simply a smaller bowl still

have you guys ever seen a crocodile with its fingies out

tbh the current default state of operating systems & internet browsers looks fucking indistinguishable from when i gave the family desktop one billion viruses downloading Free Neopoints Hack in 2005

not to be a millennial but back in my day getting blasted in the eyeballs by ads on your desktop the instant you turn on your computer used to mean something was extremely wrong

My alone time is for everyone’s safety

I'm sorry for doing that bank heist, your honour. It's just that, like, once you get to be around 30, it just seems to become impossible to get all your buddies together for some fun times, and sometimes you just get wrapped up in the magic of spending time with friends, and, well, one thing leads to another.