This → https://www.tumblr.com/thefinalyeehaw/817180822810558466/friend-has-an-hc-where-robert-is-a-ryan-gosling?source=share can we please have a crack texting about this? Like, Ryan Gosling is right there in PERSON to hang out with Robert for a day, and Flambae keeps texting Robert NONSTOP, needing to know his every move.
[clickable link] I literally love this idea by @thefinalyeehaw and even though I didn't do it justice here, all credit goes to them and that reblog!
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I want ... Flambae to be the show off kinda boyfriend whose got money coming outta his ears and Robert very much does not know how to take that. Like... Flambae has to fight him to take his big expensive gifts and Robert is entirely to awkward to say yes, but Flambae will shove it into Robert's hands and take off so Robert cannot physically give it back to him.
It takes a VERY LONG time before Robert will allow Flambae to take his card out first for things, instead of doing the song and dance of ' ... I don't have enough money .... can you pay this time' and Flambae already had his card in the reader and the receipt in hand before Robert finished.
And Robert does the awkward broke boyfriend hug from behind as a thank you at first, then that sloooolwy morphs to him just leaning into Flambae's side and hugging his arm. Which then slowly turned into Robert very shyly mentioning something he needs. And he says he's only gonna do it for stuff he really needs!! That's it!! And he is gonna pay it back!! (Flambae has his cash app or money share number blocked for this reason, because "Bob bob if I wanted repayment, I'd be fucking you into the mattress or you'd be blowing me behind the building.")
And then, Robert made the mistake of showing Flambae things he's wanted. Just to show not to buy for him.... mistake number one. It arrived within two to three business days if flambae couldn't have it overnighted.
Robert tries to argue, "Send it back!!" "Why? You said you wanted it!" "That didn't mean for you to go and buy it!!" "Well that's your mistake Bob Bob!!! Why show me, if you didn't want me to buy it!?!?"
Robert still fights him on it .... Flambae is still gonna buy any little thing his little Bobert's heart desires.
Something so funny about Flambae and Robert meeting before Robert starts at SDN, and the bar confrontation.
Strangely, through Beef.
Now. In Robert’s defense? He didn’t anticipate being in a coma for months when he last fed his little fur ball.
And a part of him almost hesitated to walk through that door—
Only to find Beef with a shiny coat of fur, happily round, but running very actively around him.
The culprit? A very beautiful, very glare-prone man.
Apparently, Mr. 6’4 with sunshine eyes also signs up for foster programs where he takes care of ‘lost’ pets.
“So you’re Dumpling’s owner?”
“…His name’s Beef.”
“Dumpling.”
“Beef.”
“Dumpling’s cooler.”
“Beef inspires authenticity.”
“And what inspired YOU to leave this meatball? I had him for five months and I might take you to court for him. Or a restaurant.”
Robert shrugs. “I would’ve come sooner, but the coma and I had a disagreement. So you know.”
“…Fuck, okay. That’s better than what I usually get.”
Robert snorts. “Bare minimum wins again.” But he does soften. “Thanks. For taking care of him. Even if you do give off major ‘ cartoon villain with a soft side and making it everyone’s problem’ vibes.”
“Fuck off,” he huffs, but it does sound suspiciously like a laugh. “…Good thing you came after him, thought. He kept crying after you everyday. “
“…Is that a tear in your eye?”
“My tears have muscles. They’re just working out.”
As it turns out, Chad, Mr ‘I took care of your dog for months without knowing if you’ll actually come back’ is also Flambae.
And Flambae is very adamant Robert does not tell anyone about Beef’s visitation nights.
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pretty pretty please post more flambert as dads. AUGH i love them
Robert and Flambae stood outside the elementary school gates, blending into the crowd of parents and guardians waiting for the kids at the end of another school day.
Chad's Firebird sat parked along the curb, polished enough to reflect the late afternoon sunlight in bright rays. The engine had long since cooled, but the car still draws a few admiring glances from people who seem convinced it's far too special to be sitting in front of an elementary school.
The final bell rang several minutes ago.
So now they wait.
Robert stands with Beef's leash tangled around one hand, still wearing his SDN work uniform. Beside him, Chad has his pink-to-yellow gradient sunglasses pushed up on top of his head while he lazily spins his car keys around one finger.
Children's voices echo faintly from inside the building. Teachers organize lines near the entrance. Parents chat among themselves. Somewhere nearby, a crossing guard blows a whistle while directing traffic.
Chad leans back against the Firebird with his arms crossed.
"She's gonna run to me."
His voice is confident, eyes still fixed on the school gates.
Robert scoffs.
"No chance."
He glances at his husband out of the corner of his eye.
"Oh, come on." Chad nudges Robert's shoulder with his own. "You know I'm the fun dad."
"The fun dad?" Robert laughs and tugs one of Chad's belt loops with his free hand. "You keep telling yourself that, huh?"
"It's just the truth, Robbo." Chad's voice softens as he finally turns his head to look fully at his husband. "Whether you like it or not."
Robert rolls his eyes. "She's running straight to me."
Chad points at him accusingly. "Now that's pure delusion, Bobert."
Robert leans a little closer until Chad's finger presses lightly against his chest. "You wanna bet?"
His voice is quiet, barely above a whisper, and his brown eyes sparkle with amusement.
"Absolutely." Chad narrows his eyes.
Robert glances toward the school entrance. "Good. Ten bucks."
He leans back into place and resumes watching the gate.
"Ten?" Chad mocks.
"Unless you're scared." Robert doesn't even look at him.
Chad immediately shoves his shoulder again.
"Twenty."
"Deal."
They shake hands with exaggerated seriousness.
Ahead of them, a group of children starts to leave through the gate.
Not Zuri.
A few more lines of students leave.
Still no sign of Zuri.
Robert checks his watch.
"Why is she always one of the last kids out?" He sounds mildly impatient.
"'Cause she stops to talk to literally everyone." Chad replies, shifting his weight onto his other leg.
"She got that from you." Robert's tone is half dry, half teasing.
Chad pretends to be offended, but he doesn't argue. He knows Robert is right.
Before either of them can say anything else, movement near the entrance catches both their attention.
A small figure bursts through the school doors.
Dark curls bounce wildly behind her as she practically skips across the sidewalk. On her back, a backpack covered in glitter and pins of her favorite heroes swings from side to side.
Zuri.
As soon as they see her, their faces light up.
"There she is," Flambae says immediately.
Robert straightens. Chad pushes himself off the Firebird.
Zuri immediately turns her head toward them. The moment she sees her dads waiting, her grin grows wider. She waves a quick goodbye to a classmate and takes off running.
Fast.
Very fast.
Her sneakers pound against the pavement as she weaves through the crowd of students and parents.
Straight toward them.
Chad smiles triumphantly. Robert uncrosses his arms, equally confident.
Then, at the very last second, Zuri abruptly changes direction.
"Beef!"
The little girl practically shouts with excitement.
The chubby Chihuahua barely has time to react before Zuri drops to her knees on the sidewalk and wraps both arms around him.
Beef perks up immediately like a tiny king graciously accepting worship. His ears stand straight up as he soaks in every bit of praise while his tail wags furiously.
Zuri completely ignores both of her dads.
"Oh." Robert lets out a quiet breath.
Chad blinks, standing still.
Zuri giggles uncontrollably as Beef licks her cheek.
"Hey, Zuzu! Missed you alllll day long." She says it in the ridiculous Muppet-like voice Robert once invented for Beef and that she quickly learned to imitate.
Beef's tail wags so hard that his entire body shakes.
For a long moment, neither dad says anything.
They simply watch the scene in surprise, but also completely overwhelmed with affection.
Eventually, Robert slowly turns toward Chad.
Chad slowly turns toward Robert.
"Well..."
"...Yeah."
"I think we both lost."
"Yup."
Zuri finally looks up.
Only then.
"Hi, dads."
She lets go of Beef for a moment, gets back to her feet, and wraps her little arms around both of them at once, squeezing herself between them.
Without even realizing it, both men relax.
They greet her, ruffle her curls, and pamper her with affection.
They exchange another quick glance, silently dismissing the ridiculous bet they'd both agreed to make.
Then they continue chatting with Zuri, who is already excitedly recounting every detail of her day at school while her dads help her climb into the car and pull away from the pickup area.
Meanwhile, completely unaware that he has just won both an argument and a bet, Beef sits proudly in the back seat of the Firebird with his chin resting lazily on Zuri's knee while she scratches behind his ear and keeps happily rambling to her dads.
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Fuck me and my goddamn cheerios, how the fuck have I NOT mentioned Robert in a corset vest??
Do yall know about corset vests?? Corsets for men in vest form?? Now Robert is forced into one (because we know damn well he ain't wearing one on his own) and this is pre Flambert and he is forced into one for like I dunno charity event/ gala whatever and he pulls up in that and Flambae just cannnnoooooot stop staring because yea Robert has a waist that can fit between a big set of hands but that corset vest just accenting it?? Cmon now!!
I love the tumblr poll piece! Imagine there is another poll but it’s between Flambae and Ryan Gosling. Flambae somehow finds out that Robert knows about the poll so he texts his boyfriend to see who picked and will burn all of Robert’s merch of this poll rival (and cry in the shower about Ryan being a hot man-stealing bitch) if Robert chose Ryan.
But Robert actually chose Flambae because he ofc will choose his man over his celebrity crush.
[mentioned post] Tysm anon <3 Ngl I laugh out loud every time a new ask about Ryan Gosling drops, and I always think about the anon who started it all lmao. Anyway, hope you like this one too!!
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I saw a funny insta post of a dad having to chase away his toddler and now I am imagining FlamBert on a family vacation with their kids.
There are many cute family pictures and a few videos of Flambae having to run after a half-naked toddler (it’s miraculous to keep a toddler fully-clothed lol) who has the sudden speed that would make Chase proud. You can hear Robert crackling in the background as he watches Chad get juked by a two-year-old.
