𝖍𝖔𝖒𝖔 𝖍𝖔𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖎 𝖑𝖚𝖕𝖚𝖘

wanted opposites

as the first born with the title - and all the responsibility it entailed - jonathan thought he would know duty and sacrifice like no other. but his responsibility faded to insignificance, compared to the rule of an entire nation. if the logical side of his brain had any say in this, he would see reason eventually. what future was there for a measly duke governing a smudge of southern england and the queen of india ? and yet he could not help but feel used. they had spent months getting to know each other and for what ? he was barely starting to come to terms with the harshness of reality when riya suddenly reappeared, upending his plans, throwing his whole evening out of alignment, making him feel all kinds of things he had no business feeling, and for what ? “ oh i understand now ”, he bit out, searching her features but they gave him nothing. he hated that she could keep herself so contained, the indifference on her face nearly elegant. regal. “ this was all a game to you, was it not, your highness ? ” he took another step in her direction, just to see what she would do. “ how did it feel, seducing the duke of nothingshire ? was it fun, at least ? or maybe a humbling experience for a monarch such as yourself ? ” jonathan heaved a sigh. “ i’m not naive enough to think that we have a future, riya. but apparently i was naive enough to think that our present mattered … to you, that is. ”

the comment was enough for a blush to flare hot and furious across her face. for some reason, that never happened when men complimented her. regina’s habitual answer to that was mostly ‘ew’ or ‘creep’. she stretched her lips into an uneasy smile. “ yes, straight. ” her voice didn’t come out nearly as resolute as she had wanted it to sound. “ well no, they don’t. ” she crossed her arms in a defensive manner that bordered on petulant. “ what, you think you do ? ”

“ you’re right, there’s … something. ” he clasped his hands behind his back, took a few steps forward as if to get a closer look at her. “ miss… miss ‘you and me never happened’, was it ? ” jonathan curled his lips into a nasty smile, not bothering to hide the hurt that statement had caused. back then, now. “ don’t you worry being seen near me will brand you a fallen woman ? that breathing the same air as me will corrupt you to the point of no return ? ”

jonathan’s brows furrowed in objection. “ oh i’m sure any reasonable gentleman prefers honesty and wit over dull politeness. ” that was only partially true. when he thought back to the drawing room talk, he remembered no small number of gentlemen that preferred courting a compliant girl, all conceding smiles and stifled laughter. as if there was anything interesting about that. he saw a flicker of hurt passing over her face and he realized she must have put the pieces together, knew what to make of his silence and it filled him with an odd sensation he must be feeling for the first time in his life because it took him quite some time to identify. shame. to his surprise winifred played along. “ it seems i am fighting, mostly. muttering colourful words under my breath, none of which are suitable for gentle ears. though i doubt i dream of heroic battles. you see, growing up with four siblings makes you build up quite the … vocabulary. do you have siblings, miss k— lady griffiths ? ” it still felt surreal, addressing a practical stranger with one’s own family name. jonathan would’ve known how many siblings she had if he had paid attention at the wedding but unfortunately, his thoughts had been all over the place. he blinked. “ good ”, he said after a while. “ good that you’re a handful. ” he pressed a hand to his chest in theatrical relief. “ and here i had feared that my wife would be boring. ” then he dipped his chin, adapting a more serious tone. “ i will gladly learn to love you, winifred. or at least try to. no matter how long it will take. you’ll see, i’m quite stubborn. although personally i prefer the word determined. ” he swallowed. the use of her first name somehow felt more intimate than any title could. jonathan lifted both eyebrows in surprise. she really did know what questions to ask if she wanted to get to know him and it impressed and terrified him all the same. but he’d promised her honesty. “ you’ll laugh but it is the library. it’s not so much the quiet but the amount of knowledge, the lack of … expectations. there had been a time when books were the only place i could find solace. no book ever lost patience with me or told me to sit still. ” when his tutors had thrown their hands up in frustration, it was the library that had taught him everything. “ do you read, winifred ? do you have a favorite book ? ”

“ i’m sorry, who are you ? ”

then tempest reminds him of their earlier topic and— right. the bodies in his floors. noah teeters on a precipice, the words poised on the tip of his tongue. i ordered a gang boss to kill my father. it’s a sure path to ruin, after that there’s no going back. but how else could he explain to her that he was practically chained to a life of crime ? “ i don’t know whether a road trip with me— a friendship, or whatever this comes down to, is a good idea ”, he starts, overcome with a sudden urge to reach out for her, squeeze her hand right back to indicate that this was not rejection, far from it. “ look i— there’s someone in my life saying shit like rob this place, snatch that car, beat that guy up and i have no choice but to do it, it’s— complicated. let’s say i have debts and i need to settle them. ” he leans forward again and good god, he has to stop doing this. it’s not underlining the importance of his words but robbing him of his ability to think straight. “ you don’t have to agree to anything right now. i’d think about it, if i were you. the road trip, everything. ” and he tries to put everything there is, everything there might be between them, into this woefully inadequate word, while trying not to think of her dizzying scent or their mingling breaths. if noah turned his head just so, the tips of their noses would brush. “ sorry, i didn’t want to—”, he whispers but the sound of his voice is so low, so uncertain, it seems to break apart the moment it meets air. he doesn’t want to give in to the urge to kiss her right then and there. it would complicate things, he would lose control and he couldn’t. he’s afraid of the consequences that slip entails because what then ? tempest deserved something better than this mess, him. independent of intent he tries to avert his gaze, turning his head to the side and then it happens. their noses brush. and with this unexpectedly intimate sensation his resolve crumbles to dust. fuck he thinks and closes the distance between them.

“ again, lying doesn’t come to me as easy as breathing, unlike to certain people ”, he hissed, wrenching out of her grip. he licked his lips. “ we have to— we have to make an effort to at least look in love … or whatever. unless you want me to come up with even weirder excuses. ” out of the corner of his eye he saw yet another friend approaching them and he’d rather chew off his own tongue than talk with them now of all times. he just knew they would shower them with questions regarding their relationship - they always did, nosy little bitch - so hunter did the first thing that came to mind. a knee-jerk reaction, really. he cupped pandora’s cheek with his hand and pressed his lips against hers. this was a party, full of horny couples and smooching strangers, after all. seconds later - that felt like hours - he drew back, slightly out of breath, looking around. “ are they gone ? they’re gone, thank fuck. oh don’t look at me like that, i saved us from yet another awkward conversation. or interrogation rather. ” he drove his hand through his hair in frustration. “ i still don’t know why i agreed to this. ”

doe-eyed debutantes and eager mothers flocked to him like sheep in a meadow. comparatively young, handsome ( he thinks ), in possession of a title — this season’s most eligible bachelor indeed. and yet miss kumar suddenly avoided him like the plague. he’s heard the whispers circulating about her, pretending to entertain the idea of marriage while rejecting every suitor, breaking hearts and trampling over prides along the way. not with him. jonathan could’ve easily excused his eagerness with feeling challenged, a desperation to prove that he might be the one to woo her, a wounded pride. yet, there was something else. something between them that has the back of his neck tingle with anticipation, robbing him of breath and rational thought, leaving him feeling oddly bereft and unmoored when she slips out of reach again and again. “ i beg your pardon ? ” the audacity of her claim sparks a flame inside him, chasing away the chill of his thoughts. “ what would you know of my … boredom ? not a gentlema— how dare you ? i am burdened with great responsibility. i have a family to lead, a dukedom to keep watch over. am i not allowed a modicum of distraction every now and then ? ” he steps even closer, fumbling for his composure. her eyes are dark and unfathomably deep and it takes impeccable control for him not to lose himself in them. “ you are not the saint you pretend to be, miss kumar and i am going to make sure everyone sees you for who you truly are. i am— ” he clears his throat. god, she’s close. he can’t think when she’s this close and it’s highly inappropriate when they’re unchaperoned in the gardens at that, but stepping away would be admitting defeat so he stays where he is, glaring down at her.

“ daley. ” she repeats her name slowly, like she's wrapping her lips around each syllable, running her tongue over them and tasting them. you can call me daley. or dal. or sweetheart. catalina’s mouth goes dry at daley finally, unmistakably flirting back and she bites down on her lip in response to the wink. so this was really happening, huh ? it emboldens her to the extent of putting on her little show with the seemingly spilled whiskey and it’s not so much the cold liquid but daley’s gaze trailing down her exposed skin leaving goosebumps in its wake. “ yes, right there, sweetheart. ” catalina motions in the general direction of her linen closet and her pulse leaps at daley’s sudden proximity, the other woman’s smell invading her nostrils, sweet with a spicy undertone. “ shit ”, she mumbles when the brown liquid reaches the crease between her breasts. she laughs a little, though it comes out breathless. “ it’s uh— it’s seeping into places it shouldn’t. ” she strides up to the young woman, holding out a hand to receive the towel, her other hand already lingering on the waistband of her dressing gown. “ you can look away. ” —— she should look away. she’s awfully young, though probably not naive, but the neighbour’s daughter nevertheless. catalina was married. everything about this screams trouble, scandal, apocalypse and yet— “ if you want to, that is. ”

you’re not that horrible to be around. regina’s eyebrows shot to her hairline. “ what was that, dalton ? basic human decency ? ” she tsked, her lips twitching into a brief smile she quickly blinked out of. “ well, it appears we’re both full of surprise tonight. ” regina eyed the table distrustfully, then looked back up to alexandra. she stifled a horrified laugh. “ well that’s certainly one way to spend the rest of your night hunched over a toilet. ” she sneered until her taunting grin slowly but surely vanished from her face. leaving it at that would be admitting defeat, she realized. as if she were a wuss, a sissy. she cocked her head in the direction of the table. “ pour me both, then. ” regina knew she was committing a mistake, that she couldn’t possibly drink alexandra bloody dalton under the table. but it will be a cold day in hell before she throws the towel in without fighting. “ let’s see who’ll end up blocking the bathroom first. don’t worry, i’ll gladly hold your hair and stroke your back. ”

“ am i following you, miss kumar—” he breaks off, chest heaving and his shortness of breath has nothing to do with him practically racing after her. “ or are you running away from me ? ” he plants both hands on his hips, stubborn, determined. “ i am merely taking a stroll in the gardens to escape the heat of the ballroom. ” jonathan looks left and right then strides right up to her, the ghost of a smirk tugging at his lips. “ it is positively suffocating in there, is it not ? ” he’s searching her face, her eyes, melted chocolate reflecting the moon, two scythes of light. he wonders whether he’ll ever catch his breath. “ the young ladies can wait. whatever have i done, miss kumar, that makes you flee at the sight of me ? ... is it what they say about me ? that i am the worst sort of rake, taking pleasure where i may ? you do not know me. and you would rather believe the whispers of bored footmen and thrill-hungry mothers than form your own opinion ? ”

alright, so, she had a point. which he would never in a million years admit to her but pandora had not exactly forced him to attend with her. it had sounded reasonable then -- appear in love or at least comfortable with each other for a few hours to avoid irritating questions and awkward conversations. just that nobody had warned him how much more awkward it would be to curl an affectionate arm over his ex while he would rather curl his fingers around her throat and squeeze. fine, he did not actually want to do that but it was a close thing. he blinked at their friend. “ mad, me ? oh, back then ? ” hunter motioned to where they had been standing - and bickering - mere minutes ago. “ oh, don’t worry, we weren’t fighting or anything. just that we’re always so passionate when it comes to … ” he shot her a sideway glance. “ marvel or dc. ” in his defence, it was the only thing his brain was capable of coughing up in that moment, with pandora in his arm and her familiar smell hitting him along with a wave of rage and nostalgia and … regret ? no, that was impossible. “ right, babe ? you’re always so … intense, about everything. ”

for the first time that day jonathan smiled, wide and bright. “ such refreshing honesty indeed ”, he mused, suddenly convinced that they might, at least, get along. the coyness in her eyes was so at odds with the topic of conversation that he could not help but laugh. “ not at all, i shall burrow my head into the pillows then. very well. i do not snore but i talk in my sleep. an awful lot, according to my—” he broke off, cleared his throat. jonathan had indeed spent the decade of his twenties in a mindless pursuit of pleasure, as had been frequently whispered about, but that was all in the past, now that he was married. for some reason, he could not find the courage to talk freely of this in front of winifred. “ … brothers. ” he smirked. “ i take no responsibility for anything i might whisper into your ear tonight, unless i compliment my gorgeous wife, that is. ” the smile on his lips thinned into a more solemn line. he sighed. “ i must apologize for my— our families. i do not know whether you were planning on marrying for love but i imagine vowing eternal loyalty to a complete stranger must be … less than ideal. miss kanari— lady griffiths— winifred. ours is not a love match but it can—” grow into one. “ i desire to get to know you, i wish for you to get to know me. all of me. and i am open for ... whatever might happen. ” he averted his gaze to the window, realizing with a bolt of anguish that they would be at their destination soon. alright, maybe he was just as nervous as his wife.