Everything has been figured out except how to live

me: thanks

Today was really hard. I try and keep this platform as somewhere I can express myself freely, so I feel it's important I share this. Academia has torn me down emotionally and physically. I have never questioned/ doubted myself more then I have as a student. Failure is something I have always had a hard time accepting, it's not been easy either. But simply something I've grown more comfortable with. Some of these classes I had to take were set up in such a way I would fail, and allowing myself to accept a mark I hated was never easy, despite trying to be nonchalant about it. Separating that mark from my own value and intelligence has been hard. I've gotten better but I still have days like this, where the pressure I place on myself is too much and I break down. Today was spent staring at a paper that i hated. I felt stupid and that all of my ideas were flawed and not good enough. I guess academia, you've made me feel adequately "not good enough". I'm excited to be done with you for a while, fully knowing I plan to peruse a masters program. But i need some time away where I can value myself on things other than marks. So in the mean time, it's been not the best knowing you, I think it's best we're taking this time apart.