FakeFr1day's Blog

Make me a sandwich!

Please I could really really go for a sandwich!

Make it with ham, and lettuce and mayo,

Self sustaining and expanding organization that exists for the sole purpose of continuously planting a shit ton of trees

Because if global warming keeps up much longer, it WILL reach a point of no return.

Seriously, we need to ACTUALLY FUCKING DO SOMETHING. Not just collectively agree that we need to ACTUALLY FUCKING DO SOMETHING, we need to start forming ACTUAL IDEAS. This is an idea. Denizens of this platform, we need to start spreading ACTUAL IDEAS around or nothing will actually happen.

ARIES

I don’t care how good you think you are at gambling. $280,000 worth of lottery tickets is not an “investment strategy”.

TAURUS

Fuck off, man. She’s not interested.

GEMINI

Guess who’s taking up yet another extremely expensive hobby this week!

CANCER

No, it isn’t “cool” to not even begin to explain your D&D character’s backstory in game. No, it isn’t “cool” to send the DM a ten page essay about it and expect them to read it. I don’t care how emo you are, nobody fucks with that shit.

LEO

Hello Chase.

VIRGO

This isn’t because of your star sign. You just have undiagnosed OCD.

LIBRA

Damn that’s a cool watch. Where can I get one of those?

SCORPIO

See cancer’s horoscope.

SAGITTARIUS

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! :3

CAPRICORN

You’re going to regret playing Elden Ring until 5:00 AM. There’s also nothing I can say to convince you not to, so go nuts.

AQUARIUS

Tacky does not equal fashionable. Let me say that again: TACKY DOES NOT EQUAL FASHIONABLE.

PISCES

Protogen

but trans

But the weather is so delightful,

And since we’ve go place to snow,

Let it no, let it no, let it no!

Man, it does show signs of lightin’,

And I’ve brought me some mop for moppin,

The man is turned way down low.

Let it no, let it no, let it no!

When we finally mop the light,

How I’ll hate goin’ out in the fire…

But if really you’d mop the man,

All the way home, you’d be fire!

And the man is slowly dyin’,

And, my dear, we’re still moppin’

But as long as snow mop me so,

Let it no!

Let it no!

Q: OTTFFSS- what comes next?

A: E!

Q: In the beginning, and the beginning of the end

A: E!

Q: What is the 11th letter of the alphabet?

A: E!

Q: What is the answer to this riddle?

A: E!

Q: How many mistake are there in this sentence?

A: E!

Q: JRAQ ZR JRAQ ZR QARSDR OBR NRRM YTSQQRF OM S NSDRZRMY SMF GPTVRF YP ETOYE TOFFAR DRHZRMYS QARSDR JRAQ ZR QARSDRRRRRRRR

A: E!

Hey guys, my friend Sanamtha just got turned into a tree. She’s still sapient. (Apparently she still has a brain somehow) This just happened a few minutes ago on my front lawn. She pissed me off earlier though. If I tell her to get out of my lawn and she doesn’t move or respond in any tangible way, can I sue her?

Pickle it! Jar it! Can it! Cook it! Roast it! Boil it! Fry it! Toast it! Bread it! Butter it! Jam it! Stuff it! Cook it! Slice it! Blend it! Add 50g of salt! Ferment it! Cook it! Tenderize it! Mix it! Add butter, extract, and shortening! Stir it! Bake it! Burn it! Dissolve into 4 gallons of water! Gelatinize it! Purée it! cook it! Microwave it! Let cool for 5 mins, add sauce, and enjoy!

To those on the design team of that brand of toothpaste that advertises itself to possess “great regular flavor”:

To say that this claim is poorly thought through would be an incredible understatement. On one hand, the presence of the word “regular” in place of any actual flavor makes the entire phrase a completely pointless inclusion. Unless “regular” is actually the name of some Mississippian-style hamburger that tastes exactly like toothpaste, this attempt to describe the flavor of this toothpaste gives no actual description of said flavor whatsoever. Did you honestly think that by simply using the word “great” you would be able to convince me that this toothpaste is of any significant quality aside from that of its functional purpose? You were wrong. I am no fool. Your childish tricks alone will not be able to sway the masses. You may sit high and mighty upon your cheap tower of poorly marketed toothpaste now, but mark my words, when people realize the fallacy of your ways - when the public becomes aware of your lies - you will fall from your perch. And the depths of hell will await you.

Somewhere in Kentucky there is a man named Todd.

“Todd” is actually eighty-two lemmings in disguise as a human.

Do not approach Todd. He may or may not be rabid.

Details about Todd’s current location are unknown.

Be wary of anyone named Todd. Yes, anyone. He could be one of your friends. He could be one of your neighbors. He could even be a family member. (If any of these people are named Todd, that is)

Be sure to check thoroughly to ensure that any Todds you know personally are in fact human and NOT eighty-two lemmings.