The Crow Has Got A Computer

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

official dnd post

Hey tumblr friends, in case I haven't told you lately, I have no idea what the FUCK half of you are on about and I WISH I didn't know what the rest of you are on about. Great work. Keep it up.

thats fucked up i have the same shirt

wait thats me

‎

there seems to be a fundamental disagreement between microwave oven manufacturers and the producers of microwave meals over whether the customer should know the wattage of their microwave or if such details should be abstracted away from them

the microwave rice demands 800 watts of power for 2 minutes, but all the microwave can offer me three settings: one low, one high, and one somewhere in the middle. I turn it to the one in the middle as I happen to know 800W is the average power of most microwaves. the light comes on and the bag of rice starts slowly turning, but rather than hearing the usual rumble of the microwave, I instead start hearing short snippets of conversation - words snatched from the ether. the lights flicker and a chill runs up my spine. the voices remind me of those "spirit boxes" ghost hunters use. I double check the setting on the microwave. "ah," I say, remembering that I had set it to medium,

that one book where Lestat goes down on a gal on her period and sucks out the entire blood shebang all in one fell swoop so she's done menstruating immediately... that's the dream. would let any vampire do that to me no question every month without fail. decidual cast: good version.

so frustrating to be a skeptic with a sense of whimsy because like. I want there to be cryptids. I want there to be magic. I want there to be evidence of something we don't fully understand and can't explain. but then 99% of the "proof" out there for that stuff is like. the most obvious scam you've ever seen in your life.

The first thing you discover when using the philosophers stone is that since Pb weighs 202 g/mol and Au 197 g/mol, every mole transmuted causes a 107 kiloton TNT explosion. You will not make a second discovery, for obvious reasons.

the terfs have found this post and they do not fucken like it god help me

reblog to make a terf big mad

reblog to make a trans lesbian feel big loved

But reylo really is the most heterosexual ship out there because the man’s violence and anger and general immaturity are taken to be romantic and the woman’s clear feelings of disgust/hatred/fear of the man are completely ignored.

to think they crucified me for this and acted like I was shitting on DV victims. I’ll add that reylo is white as FUCK.

I feel like this website should know that Brent Spiner, aka Data, plays possibly my favorite iteration of the Joker on the Batman Audio Adventures. Like he's nailing it in an almost unbelievable way. Everyone should go listen to it.

Alice Brown (whose gender is complicated, ostensibly cisgender but probably actually transmasc if she could pull her head out of her ass) would fail so miserably at all of these. She probably would have been better at babysitting when she was younger but spending 20-odd years in the criminal underworld has irrevocably changed her <3

THIS IS THE HARDEST I HAVE LAUGHED IN SO LONG YOU HAVE CURED MY DEPRESSION

This is one of the greatest posts I’ve ever witnessed. The payoff was amazing.

My roommate heard it going and went “OH MY GOD is it EVER going to resolve?” then the payoff hit and she busted up laughing